


And A Bottle Of Rum

by Revever



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Prohibition Era AU, Ridiculous Level Of Miscommunication Or Rumbelle Being Rumbelle, and a lot of other problems too, but with (eventual) happy ending, character-development focused, fighting for her own!Belle, marriage problems, some violence and self-harm and emotional abuse, woobie!Rumple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-09-22 12:03:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 47,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9606803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Revever/pseuds/Revever
Summary: Prohibition Era Rumbelle AU. Belle and Robert Gold lived peacefully until his former boss, Regina Mills, showed up and asked for his help. This is unacceptable to Belle, seeing as Regina owns the Enchanted Forest speakeasy and Robert just a few years ago managed to leave her crime net. However, Robert wants to help Regina and nothing ever is simple for these two... Focusing on character-development and communication (or lack thereof).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I stopped watching OUAT after 5A but I still need Rumbelle. I had great time writing this and I hope you will enjoy reading. Don't forget to comment, it's so great to read what people think!
> 
> Might however be frustrating at first. They both have a lot to learn.
> 
> (Also, this time it's without bunnies).

 

 

* * *

 

 

_12 September 1929, Boston MA_

‘Robert?’

Her husband looked at her with red-rimmed, swollen eyes. He must have been up all night, not even dozing on a sofa.

‘Did something happen?’

He turned his eyes away from her, looking at the floor. Belle came closer and sat down on the other kitchen chair.

‘Robert?’

‘No, nothing.’

‘It doesn’t look like nothing.’

‘You don’t have to worry about anything, sweetheart.’

‘Don’t, Robert!’ Belle snapped. Something in the way he told her that alarmed her. ‘I can see that something’s happened. Please, tell me.’

She saw that he clearly didn’t want to. Whatever it was, he hoped to hid it from her. And here she thought that they are honest to each other. Finally, he took a deep breath.

‘Yesterday...’ Then he trailed away.

‘Yes? What did happen yesterday?’

‘When I was going home...’

Robert had late shift in the pharmacy and was home when Belle was already asleep. She went to sleep alone and woke up alone.

‘When I was going home I’ve met Regina.’

Belle took a sharp breath. Regina belonged to the previous life he left behind. The owner of the local net of speakeasies, with strong ties to mafia, she was a dangerous woman with little regard for other people. She was also Robert’s former boss. As a chemist, he helped her to renature industrial alcohol to make it drinkable again. But as it turned out he had a sharp eye with a gun and was helping her also to, as she ironically called it, negotiate better business contracts with her competitors. He killed three men during his work for Regina, but hurt and disabled many others. Belle never saw Regina, but despised her thoroughly.

That changed however. Robert told her that back then he had little reasons for living as a good man. His marriage fell apart, his son left as soon as he was an adult, driven away by Robert’s own addiction to alcohol. Then he met Regina and yes, she managed to get him off drinking, but into selling alcohol and killing people.

‘What did she want, Robert?’

‘Help,’ he said in a sad voice.

‘What kind of help?’

He sighed.

‘She wanted me to go with her to one of her business talks.’

Belle took a deep breath.

‘Did you?’

‘Yes.’

Belle stood up abruptly, feeling tears stinging in her eyes.

‘Why?!’

‘I had to. She... I owe her. She helped me when no one else would. And she’s in trouble.’

Belle wanted to scream that she helped him too, helped him to live as a good, honest man again. She met him shortly after he left Regina and she stood by him since then. They married, for Gold’s sake! But then another thought hit her – maybe she never helped him, and he didn’t stay or even become that good, honest man she wanted him to be? But no, that couldn’t be possible.

‘What have you done when you went with her?’

‘Nothing. I stood there with a gun she gave me and I tried to look dangerously. She talked and then we left. I think she didn’t trust anybody else to go with her. Even I had to stand as far as to not hear what she’s talking about. But she’s in danger, I’ve felt it.’

‘You shouldn’t have done it. She’s going to pull you back into the crime! You don’t know what she’s planning!’

‘I won’t let her, sweetheart. But I don’t want her to die. She’s still a friend... of sorts.’

Belle took a deep breath. But thank God, what he did so far was salvageable. No one got hurt yet. Belle loved her husband, but she honestly didn’t know if she had the strength to work on their relationship if he killed someone, like he did before they met. She was feeling her stomach churn even thinking that she might not catch it earlier, that her stupid husband could successfully hid it from her, denying her the chance for helping, for solving the problem together. Then again, he rarely asked for her, or anybody else’s help. Even after his son died.

‘So you think it’s okay to hurt or kill again just because she needs help...?’ She asked carefully. ‘If she needs it, I can’t believe that it has to be you.’

‘I have to help.’

‘Why, Robert?’ Belle pleaded. He didn’t owe a thing to Regina, who used him for her own, nefarious goals.

‘I have to. I can’t help her any other way than being her guard when she needs me. It’s how it’s done.’

Belle swallowed her anger at his willingness to please his former (were she really former then?) boss, and not her. The doubt was creeping in. Did he really love her as much as he claimed to?

‘Okay.’ Belle said briskly. ‘You went with her, that’s done, but don’t do that ever again, please.’

‘Oh, Belle,’ he whispered softly. ‘I’ve already promised her my help.’

Belle felt her blood freeze.

‘You... you promised?... Just like that? With no thought of me?’

‘With every thought of you.’ His voice was broken. ‘She might be friend, but ah, you don’t understand what friend mean in that world. She’s friend, she’s in troubles and I don’t want her dead, but she wouldn’t hesitate to use threats to get what she wants.’

That sounded better, ironically.

‘Did she threatened you?’

‘No,’ he admitted. ‘Not directly. Not aloud. But it’s obvious anyway, I have to help her.’

‘What would happen if you’d do it different way? Negotiate? Stand up for yourself? Say that you’re done. That she accepted that you’re not working for her anymore? You did it once.’

‘She wouldn’t be pleased. It’s different. Then, she had a strong position and allowed me to leave. Now she’s in trouble, I can’t deny her my help.’

The tone he used was more telling than words. ‘Not pleased’ probably really involved some of the dangers that Belle knew only from books and newspapers and not from her husband because he never wanted to talk about his crime years. Probably. But he said that Regina was still his friend. _He thinks he have to help her, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, and that I don’t even matter in that equation_ , Belle thought with pain.

’Why is it so important to you to _please_ her?′

‘So I could keep you safe,’ he said immediately, surprised as if he wondered why did she even ask.

’But wouldn’t there be other solutions that keeps _us_ ,′ she accented that word, ‘safe that doesn’t involve harming other people? I think you should refuse her. And we could work on how to defend ourselves from her if need be.’

‘It’s how it’s done,’ he repeated stubbornly.

‘Why the way it’s done is the only way to do it?!’ she exclaimed, exasperated. His response was bordering on shout as well.

‘Nothing else would work! And neither she not her enemies would understand anything else! What do you want me to do, go to the police and report her?! Do you think they would help us?!’

‘Is that all? Is it not that you also need to feel that you yourself done it, instead asking me, or anyone else for any help?’

He looked at the floor.

‘It’s the only thing I can do, Belle.’

‘If you could do something else, would you?’ she asked with her heart thumping loudly. It was the crux of the matter. Did he truly approve criminal ways, like he was still one of _them_ , or did he see it as a necessary evil that should be abandoned the moment a better solution is available. His answer would decide their future together or separate.

‘Yes,’ he said and she felt lightheaded with relief. ‘But there’s no point in dwelling about impossible.’

‘I don’t think it’s impossible.’

He shook his head sadly, and suddenly he was on the brink of crying.

‘Robert?’ she asked carefully and tenderly, laying her hand on his forearm.

‘I can’t do it any other way!’ he shouted suddenly. ‘I’m still that good for nothing weak man, who can’t do it other, better way! It’s the only thing I can do!’

‘Maybe, but we can do it in a better way together,’ she said, trying to project calm decisiveness, even if she didn’t have any clear idea yet what they could do with a crime boss needing her husband to become a killer again so he could defend her from other crime bosses. She was confident enough that they could manage if they really wanted, though. ‘And if it’s to keep me safe, don’t you think that I should have a say in that?’

’Belle, you don’t know how dangerous it is. You can’t know! And it’s _her_!... _Her_ , Belle! I’m sure she’s behind this, even if no one spoke her name! She’s Regina’s biggest enemy! And if she takes over Regina’s business, she can go for me and you!′

She knew what ′ _her_ ′ he meant. Zelena, Regina’s sister, the woman who ordered his son’s execution. Neal was an innocent, trying to help his father to severe the ties with crime world. Robert testified in court about Zelena’s crime deeds, seeing as it helped him and didn’t harm Regina - on the contrary, it helped her too. He knew a lot about Zelena - when he started to work for Regina’s mother Cora, Zelena was working with them. The sisters parted ways some time later. Robert’s testimony granted him pardon for his crimes and resulted in arresting most of Zelena’s associates, even if she remained free. Zelena killed Neal in revenge, just when Robert managed to free himself. Belle remembered that evening when Robert came home, looking pale, ill, but fighting for composure. He told her that Zelena killed Neal, just that, nothing else. He seemed to be in trance, and Belle was frightened. First thing she did was asking him to not kill Zelena, to not revert to his old ways. Then she helped him with the funeral. He seemed to take all of it better than she expected. They returned to their sweet, quiet life, doing things together and just enjoying the fact that crimes were finally left in the past.

Now it was _her_ again. Why couldn’t he leave _her_ be, when he had so much to lose, their marriage the first thing to go?

‘You’re doing it out of revenge?’ she asked quietly.

Robert hid his face in his hands.

‘Is that why you didn’t want me to know?’

He still didn’t say anything, didn’t even uncover his face. He blocked her out completely and Belle felt afraid again. He said he’d take another solution but didn’t believe one existed. And his mind was clouded by revenge that clearly for him was the acceptable thing. She wanted to get out, to get away from that man, who seemed to only wear a mask of her dear husband, and beneath the mask was hiding a dark, cold, ugly face. She needed to protect herself from that.

‘I thought you wanted to keep your promise,’ she said in trembling voice. ‘That you want to be better. Alright, then,’ she sighed. ‘If you’re not going to work with me, then let’s leave it at that, and talk later, after we have time to think it through.’

She got up and reached for her coat and purse.

‘Where are you going?...’

He was looking at her with wide, teary eyes, but Belle wasn’t going to let tears cloud her judgment.

‘Stop it, Robert,’ she said calmly, or at least as calm as she managed. ‘We need to talk with words, not tears. I’m going to Ruby. I think we need some time alone to think about everything.’

‘Belle, please, don’t...’

‘I’ll be back in a few hours. Then we’ll talk.’

She was hearing him sobbing even when she closed the door and descended the stairs, but forced herself to not turn back. They would talk later. He needed to know that she won’t approve him hurting people for vengeance. She wasn’t about to allow her marriage turn into lies, enabling crimes and his dominance over her.


	2. Chapter 2

 

* * *

 

 

‘No!’ Ruby cried, when Belle told her that Robert was helping Regina again.

‘He admitted it himself, Ruby.’ Belle sighed, sipping her tea. ‘I feel like I didn’t ever knew him. He left all that criminal viper’s nest and become again an honest man. He testified in court and got pardoned. But now I wonder if all this testifying was only his revenge on Zelena, nothing else. That he didn’t want to be better, just to hurt her. There always has been a conflict between them, way before she ordered killing Neal.’

Ruby put a plate of chocolate cake before Belle.

‘I don’t know either.’

‘Don’t you wonder about Victor sometimes? No, sorry, you don’t have to answer that...’

‘It’s okay...’ Ruby said with her mouth full of cake. ‘It’s a bit different with us I guess. We both have, ah, not as clean past as we’d want to.’

‘You weren’t killing people as a part of your job,’ Belle reminded her.

‘No, just that one man who tried to kill me. But I was working at speakeasy that belonged to mafia, and while I wasn’t doing anything bad myself, they were. Everybody talked about their brutal ways. It was Victor who helped me to get out. And, well, he weren’t killing people too. He just treated people who killed people...’

‘And don’t you wonder what would happen if some of these people came over, hurt, and demanded him to work for them again?’

‘I know what would happen, he would help, both because he’s a doctor and because we really wouldn’t want to get killed. But then we’d disappear. I would miss you, Belle.’

Belle sighed. That wasn’t helping. Victor’s job was fundamentally different from Robert’s. They met in Chicago, got married, then Ruby killed a man who tried to rape her. Victor helped her cover the tracks and both fled in a hurry.

But then Ruby had an idea.

‘Can’t you ask that Emma for an advice at least? She works in the police, right?’

Belle hesitated. Robert didn’t stay in touch with his daughter in law and his grandson, Henry. They also didn’t seem to want the contact. Belle regretted that, but when she wanted to invite them for Christmas once, Robert said no. She wasn’t successful in getting him to explain why, he just said that it would be better. Calling Emma now, to ask favor, would be, for him, even less appealing option. Then again, he didn’t have to know, right?

‘I guess I might do that. I still don’t know what to say to Robert when I’ll go back home today. I’m afraid that I can’t change his mind. He’s going to go and kill again, and then he might got arrested, but most probably he wouldn’t be arrested. He’s going to live as if nothing happened, not regretting killing someone, Zelena most probably, but who knows what other people might get involved. I can’t live with someone like that, Ruby...’

‘Hey, hey, no need to cry!’ Ruby hurriedly gave Belle her own handkerchief. ‘Maybe it’s not that bad. He wouldn’t go to all the troubles with cutting off his ties to crime if he didn’t mean it. Seriously, he did more than just testify against Zelena. He really cut all contact with Regina and her people.’

‘Yes, he did...’ Belle allowed herself a bit of hope. ‘But what if he decided now that it’s too much? That it’s too difficult for him to live off the meager salary, not being able to afford better house, clothes, food... And most importantly, back then he was someone, he has position, people were afraid of him. Now he feels weak. What if he has enough of it?’

‘You can ask him, Belle.’

‘Yes, but I’m afraid of what he’d tell me...’

Belle climbed the stairs slowly. Very slowly. She didn’t exaggerate when she told Ruby that she was afraid. She and Robert didn’t have any trouble of speaking about everyday matters, pleasant topics, but as soon as something ugly reared its head, her husband suddenly turned into closed off stranger and she had to wonder if she really ever knew him at all. It started to make her doubt if her decision to marry him was the right one and that thought just plain hurt. But if the marriage was going to prove to be a mistake, she would leave. There was no point in prolonging the lie, because even if she loved him with all her heart it wasn’t her job to change him. He had to want it himself. If he didn’t or if he decided to stop trying, she would have to leave. There was no point in condoning crimes. She would have to contend herself with loving him from the distance, staying open for the possibility that he’d change, but also for the possibility he wouldn’t.

She took the deep breath and pulled the knob. But the door was closed. He must have left.

_He must have left._

For a moment she stood there frozen, then automatically dug in her purse to retrieve a key. Once in the flat, she checked all the rooms, but yes, they were all empty. There wasn’t even any letter left.

Before she allowed herself to panic, she checked his drawers for missing things. Everything was as it should be. But would he really pack up? He went to Regina, what would he want to take from here that he couldn’t buy for money from her. Only his pictures of Neal, but he always had them in the inner pocket of his jacket. Neal, Belle thought bitterly. After everything that his son did for him so Robert could become an honest man again! After definitely not easy reconciliation, after forgiveness for being alcoholic father, after help and support, and finally after Neal’s death. Belle cried fully at the thought. Neal was killed because he was too engaged in Robert’s departure from the crime world. And Robert could think only about revenge in the worst criminal way in return.

Still crying, Belle got up and went back to Ruby’s home.

Ruby greeted her with hugs, tea, warm supper and a stack of tissues.

‘I wish I could kick that man straight in the nuts!’ she exclaimed, thumping her foot on the floor. The red slippers she wore indeed looked dangerous, and Belle almost laughed. Almost. Ruby angrily continued: ‘After all you did for that man! Well, you don’t have to sacrifice anything else, Belle. You already did too much, and if he can’t accept it, it’s his own fault, not yours.’

Victor greeted her warmly, but didn’t contribute to the discussion, seemingly paying attention only to his own plate of sausages and mashed potatoes. But Belle knew that he was listening. She suspected he learned both as a doctor and as a mafia associate to pay attention to everything just in case.

After supper, Ruby dig out a bottle of a red wine.

‘Ruby!’ Belle was scandalized.

‘Don’t worry, Belle!’ Ruby flailed her hands. ‘This treasure doesn’t have anything to do with anything criminal! It’s just something Granny’s made! Nobody was hurt in the process!’

Belle relaxed a bit after that. Yes, of course, Ruby did mention sometimes that Granny made some alcohol and wasn’t frightened by the law. Still, any alcohol was stirring unpleasant memories for Belle. She didn’t want to hurt Ruby by refusing though and she had to admit that Granny knew what she was doing. The wine helped her to dull the hurt and sadness. Belle even managed to fall asleep on Ruby’s sofa, not wanting to go to her empty flat this night.


	3. Chapter 3

 

* * *

 

 

It was pitch dark when a thudding sounds woke her up. Disoriented, she wasn’t sure where she was for a moment. Then she remember, with a new pang of hurt in her heart. And in her head as the wine proved to be a bit stronger than she thought.

This still didn’t explain the sound.

‘What was that?...’ Ruby asked from the corridor, yawning. ‘Belle, is everything alright?’

‘That wasn’t me...’ Belle answered frightfully. And then jumped when thumping repeated itself, though weaker.

‘It’s the door!’ Ruby squeaked and run for Victor, who emerged from their bedroom with a gun in hand. Belle felt irrationally guilty for inviting the trouble by wondering earlier that day what would Victor do if mafia came back.

Ruby came to her, leaving Victor to deal with the night guest alone. Both women curled up on the sofa and instinctively hugged close.

‘Who’s that?’ Victor shouted without opening the door. Belle almost missed the muffled response, but then Victor hurriedly opened the door.

‘Ruby! Belle! Come here!’ he called.

Ruby didn’t hesitate, and Belle followed her with her heart in her throat. It couldn’t be...?

But yes, it was. Robert was sitting on a doormat, supported by Victor, clutching his middle with hands stained with blood.

Belle couldn’t say a word. She just watched as Victor grabbed Robert under his armpits and Ruby grabbed him by his legs, and they carried her husband on the sofa she occupied earlier. Robert had his eyes shut, but when Victor took his medical bag and tried to pry Robert’s hands away, her husband opened his eyes and saw her.

‘Belle!’ he exclaimed in painful surprise.

‘I preferred to spend this night with my friends,’ Belle explained, watching him sharply. He turned his eyes, ashamed.

‘Don’t squirm,’ Victor admonished him. ‘Belle, I’m sorry, could you help?’

Ruby run to the kitchen to boil some water, so Belle came closer and grabbed Robert’s hands, so Victor could have a look at the wound.

‘Oh! Careful! What are you doing?! Do you know what you’re doing?!’

Belle felt that Robert was all trembling. Victor looked at him reproachfully.

‘Don’t forget who patched up billions of wounds that hospitals were never meant to see. I also know how people’s insides looks like in details so there’s no need to be embarrassed, now stop wriggling and let me work. It’s just a cut. It’s not like I have to dig out any bullets or something, like you were telling me.’

The cut was long and deep, and went across his whole belly, left side ribs to right hip, but no one commented on that. The bullet that Victor mentioned was just another story that Robert didn’t explain to her fully, saying only that it happened once, but apparently he told Victor all about it. Belle tried to not think how many things from his past Robert was hiding from her. Things from his present were absolutely enough.

She helped through all the stitching, feeling more and more drained. She was looking at, holding, the man she loved so much, but who were suddenly distant like behind a stone wall. Belle hurt, and how was it fair that the man who hurt her was the same who she loved so dearly?

At the end she had tears in her eyes. Robert must have misunderstood this, because he looked at her sadly.

‘Oh, Belle... Thank you. That you still care even when you don’t have to. I didn’t know you’re here, really. I just came to Victor for help.’ He was starting to ramble, but she let him ‘I didn’t mean to try to force you into caring. You’re right, I don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve you. You can go, have your life, better life.’

‘I thought you were supposed to be my better life?’ Belle asked drily. Victor and Ruby shared a concerned look.

‘I never was able to be that, Belle. I was too weak to resist the dream, but it was just a matter of time. It’s over now, Belle, don’t worry. I’ll disappear. You won’t have to be afraid of my criminal... everything again.’

‘Robert, it’s...’ Belle started, not really sure what she wanted to say.

‘Belle,’ Ruby cut in. ‘Come with me. You’ll sleep in my bedroom, Victor can have the mattress on the floor. You don’t have to be near him. You’re not obligated to anything, remember.’

Belle looked again at the flushed, tear-stained face of her husband and went with Ruby. Robert just chose, she thought numbly. He just said that he didn’t even want to try anymore. And if so, then the chances to fix anything were nonexistent. She would start a new life then.

It was easier said than done when the most important person of her old life occupied the flat of her best friend and the source of support. In the morning Belle decided to go to her apartment first thing after breakfast, gather her things and go look for another, smaller apartment to rent. Her job as a librarian would allow her to live peacefully. At least financially. She wasn’t sure if she would be able to live really peacefully ever again.

Ruby was still sleeping, so Belle quietly dressed up, planning to make the breakfast as a thank you for her. Somehow she would have to stay calm around Robert. But when she left the bedroom, Robert wasn’t in the flat. Belle heard the front door creaking and saw Victor coming in.

‘Where’s Robert?’ she asked him.

Victor sighed, but not too dramatically.

‘I’m sorry, Belle, I can’t tell you. He asked me not to.’

Belle felt a pang of hurt, though she wasn’t sure if it was a really justified one.

‘Was he really okay to move? He was hurt.’

‘Well, moving wasn’t recommended, but he made it in one piece.’

‘Oh.’

Victor didn’t look like he was going to tell her anything more, so he went to the bathroom and then started that breakfast, feeling oddly numb. Too many things happened at once. She needed time to untangle it all. She hoped that it wouldn’t take too much time, though at least she didn’t have to hurry that much to her own apartment. It wouldn’t do to inconvenience Ruby much longer though, and what was most important, Belle wanted to do all she could do already and start getting better. At least a little bit better. Realizing that someone you were loving with all heart doesn’t love you equally in return was a hard lesson for her, the one she so hoped to avoid. She believed in him so much, sacrificed for him so much. Well, now she could go back to try and put that college diploma of hers to work. She could see the world, while earlier she would feel bad leaving Robert for too long. She tried to forget about her dreams, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to travel with her. They didn’t have enough money for that, and the only way for Belle was to find a job requiring traveling. But she wouldn’t be able to take him with her then, and if even she made enough money for them both (something that was still abstract for her, but maybe one day) she knew how bad he would feel relying completely on her wife. Being a chemist, he was rather bound to one workplace. Anyway, no more of that. Now she was free and set on making her dreams true. She knew also that Ruby would certainly approve on that.

The divorce was quick and done with the help of Victor as a messenger. Belle didn’t see Robert even once. At least the situation was clear, she thought. The end was definite. He didn’t want to change, so the story ended at this point, so the new one could begin. And Belle was going to be twice as careful as to with whom she would be or who she would befriend. No more place for bad people with criminal background. She was going to find someone nice and open, someone _good_.

 


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

 

 

Meanwhile, Robert was hiding in his old place, where he lived once with Neal. Not in the flat itself, it was rented to someone else, but in a little, obscure room on the top floor, that his former landlord, Mr. Zoso, let him use for a small price. He had a little time for himself to lick his wounds, both physical and not. A little time before he had to go back to work, before the pharmacy would decide to sack him. Mostly though, he just lied in silence, not having anything to plan or do.

Belle left him, and Victor was helping him with the divorce. Soon he would be completely alone, and that thought brought him a relief. Soon, he wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone anymore. Not Belle, not Regina, not Neal certainly. They all were hurt enough, it was time to disappear. No more people, ever. He forced back all the thoughts of Belle, of what could have been. They were of no use.

He helped Regina and was of no use to her now too. As she promised, she didn’t contact him after that night when he was hurt. She was victorious anyway. Now she dealt with her enemy, that proved to not be Zelena after all. Not directly, at least. It was Sidney Glass, one of her own men. She dealt with the situation by sending him straight into cop’s arms, ensuring not quick death but long, merciless imprisonment. That man looked like someone who would find that worse than death. She needed to talk to police beforehand and to hide it from her own people - she no longer trusted them. Of course she couldn’t go to the meeting with a cop with one of her usual bodyguard. Even Dove, so loyal, were not as safe as Robert who had no more ties except those few ones with her. Sidney walked right into the trap, got caught with a substantial amount of alcohol, but he tried to escape and Robert, who observed it from the distance with Regina, tried to catch him. At least Regina was grateful enough to drop him to Victor’s home afterward.

Gold shuddered thinking about the trip with Regina to the docks. The ambush for the traitors were to take place there. Regina didn’t knew who exactly supported Sidney Glass, so only Gold accompanied her. Docks were full of memories for Gold. He, Regina and Dove for countless times were here to negotiate with rum-runners and to supervise their work. Regina preferred to check herself if everything was in order, even if sometimes it put her at risk.

The chief of rum-runner, a mysterious woman who called herself Blue Fairy, was informed about the ambush of course. She delegated one of her secretaries to coordinate plans with Regina. Gold knew Astrid from old days and was quite pleased to hear that she finally married one of the rum-runners, Leroy. It was unfortunate though, that Astrid was still working for Blue, she should be able to enjoy peaceful life somewhere far away from all this mess. Rum-runners, called by Blue her dwarfs, were supposed to met with Sidney here at eleven o’clock to deliver him a cargo of what officially was meant to be the finest liquor, but Blue no doubt thinned it to make the deal more profitable to her, especially when it was going to be captured by police not to end up in magazines under Mills Mansion.

Regina was calm when she surveyed the docks from inside their car, but Gold could appreciate how much she risked. The deal was very specific and the police agreed to not pursue her, but were they really going to keep it? They could easily pursue the trail and it was up to Regina, and also Blue, to cover their track good enough to not get burnt. Cora Mills would never risk this. She would remove the traitors from Enchanted Forest speakeasy quickly and permanently. But Regina believed it’s a first step to catching Zelena. Too bad that Sidney didn’t talk. Apparently he was too scared of Zelena or simply counting on his new employer to bail him out.

Gold took Neal’s picture out of his pocket.

‘I’m sorry, my boy. I’m so sorry. I didn’t manage to do anything. Zelena is still free and no one knows where. I’m sorry I can’t do anything...’

He wiped a few tears that run down his cheeks. To be honest he didn’t have much strength to cry or to be angry. But the whole affair brought back the memories of his boy being killed, of Zelena remaining untouched, of dealing with the police after Neal’s death. Gold spoke even with the chief of Homicide Department, Albert Spencer, who however dismissed him quickly. If not for lieutenant Graham, Gold might have gotten himself arrested that day. But Graham’s good intentions didn’t help to catch Zelena... Experience taught Gold that police was either well-meaning but ineffective, or ill-meaning and effective only in completing their own goals. Some were downright corrupted, like that lieutenant Cora had completely in their pocket, Arthur was his name Gold believed. He heard that he was kicked out of unit soon after Cora’s death, when Gold was still quiet chemist making sure that industrial alcohol they were using is poison-free.

‘Gold?’

It was Victor, knocking to the door.

‘Come in,’ Gold called, not getting up from his only chair.

Victor raised his eyebrows when he saw tears, but didn’t comment. He checked Gold’s knife wound quick and in businesses-like manner.

‘Do you know what you’re going to do next?’ he asked finally.

Gold snorted.

‘I still have my job at pharmacy. I’ll manage.’

‘If you need anything...’

‘Yes, I know,’ Gold cut in. Then, in a gentler tone and looking Victor in the eye, he repeated ‘I know. Thank you.’

Victor nodded. Indeed, what else was there to say?


	5. Chapter 5

 

* * *

 

 

On the day the divorce was complete, he was seriously tempted to go to Regina and beg her to take him back permanently. She would laugh, especially as she said that she accepted his resignation after all, but he would have someone to belong to. So much for the relief of not being able to hurt anyone.

He managed to sneak out some pharmaceutical ethanol. Thankfully the stuff was so concentrated that relatively little was needed to get drunk, he actually had to dilute it twice. That was the easiest way to get arrested and not to go to Regina. It had side effects, though, mainly talking too much.

David, a cop in his forties, was a patient listener.

‘I’m a bad man,’ Gold tried to explain, slurring words a bit. ‘I hurt her.’

‘What have you done?’

‘I convinced her that I’m a better man than I really am. I tried to give her everything. Everything. It was so selfish. I should have seen the reality and have more courage to act upon it. I shouldn’t ever get involved, not to mention marry her. Deep down I knew I’m good for nothing. I should have protected her from myself. I perfectly knew that and I allowed myself to be tempted into trying to be something more than I can. I should have known that you can never start a new life without threats from the previous one. I should have known. My son died because of it. I should have known.’

Gold fell silent. He tried to tell Belle that one.

_‘Neal died because of me. It’s my fault.’_

_‘It’s not! Zelena did it. You shouldn’t think it’s your fault.’_

_He blinked away the tears and forced himself to smile._

_‘Yes, Belle, I won’t think that.’_

They hadn’t talked about it much. He had been carefully remembering everything that Belle told him he should do or think, carefully avoiding saying anything contrary to it. If he had slipped, she would have known that he was not what she had wanted him to be, that he’s weak, and worse, that he’s hiding it. But now it didn’t matter. She realized it anyway and left. Tears flew to his eyes, but he tried to stop them. His crying was disgusting for other people. Even Belle had left when he was crying, even Neal had all these years ago, not to mention his father. He had to be really repulsive, but still was unable to stop himself. Sometimes he wished he had dug out his eyes long time ago. He wouldn’t cry, he would be useless to Regina, to anyone. He should have thought of it, or something similar. That would have kept Regina away, and maybe Belle would have stayed. But he knew he wouldn’t have had courage to do this. But maybe? Maybe that would give him another chance with Belle? He could injure himself, so Belle would know that he didn’t want and couldn’t be of use to Regina. And Regina? She would manage, right? And if he could stage the injury as an accident, she wouldn’t feel betrayed. So, what injury would be most appropriate? The cut to the belly he received from one of Regina’s rival’s bodyguards wasn’t useful. These things either healed or got bad and caused painful death. That should be a limb, a leg rather that arm, to be sure, though permanent injury to his right hand would prevent him from firing a gun ever, so it was worth considering.

‘You asleep?’ David cut in.

‘Thinking.’

‘I guess you’re sobering then. Sleep, you’re in for quite a hangover soon.’

Gold nodded and closed his eyes, but that was just to be able to think in silence. Yes, he needed to do that if he ever wanted to have even a shade of chance of winning Belle back. She wouldn’t believe in his good will alone. He couldn’t talk to her, because that would have to end in assuring her of his good will – she would say what he should or shouldn’t do, then he would promise, and then he would fail to keep that promise. That was done, and it ended in disaster. He needed to show her that he’s permanently unable to work for Regina. And he needed to _be_ permanently unable to work for Regina. He also needed to do it quickly, because any moment Belle might find someone else. Perhaps she wouldn’t want him anyway, and his vast experience was saying to him that she wouldn’t and she would be right, but he would know at least that he did all he could. He was too weak to resign from that weak hope. He ignored all thoughts that were screaming at him that he’d just end up hurting her again and he should know better than to try to be better - again.

When he was sober and out of jail, things weren’t looking that simple. For once, he remembered Regina’s words from the beginning of their work together. She forced him to stop drinking, and these were terrible weeks, but he thought of them with gratitude. Through all this, Regina talked to him like she were his fellow, like she also had problem with alcohol and with temptations of all kinds. She said that she always wanted more than she had, and so the temptations were irresistible. More pleasure, more love, more respect, more happiness. The difference was that she believed she was deserving them. She learned to resist sometimes, to think coldly what she could get now and what would cost too much. But still, he sensed she wanted more. To this day he wished she had more, so she wouldn’t feel the need to rob other people. She wasn’t really happy, and he knew it.

But that was Regina. His situation was different. He had longed to have more too, had hurt other people to get it too, but he had learned long time ago that all he can have is what he stole, not deserving anything.

He was weak, though, so he took some more ethanol and then grabbed the heavy, big hammer, that Mr. Zoso kept in the basement. It was for the best, he repeated in his head. It was just ensuring that there would be no way to be criminal again. Regina would be a friend, but she wouldn’t want to be his employer. It was his best chance for happiness without hurting anyone.

One swing did it. As the pain exploded in his ankle, he was able only to scream, not to think about another try.

The hospital was quiet.

The nurse, an old lady, took care of her patients like a mother hen. Except him. He wasn’t surprised. It wasn’t unusual or weird that he was the bad egg. But then, when the morphine doses got somewhat smaller, he saw the label with her name.

‘Lucas?...’ The drug made him ask aloud, or as aloud as he was able.

‘Yes.’

Her reply was stern. She didn’t stop changing his sheets and didn’t apologize for jostling him, when he whimpered.

‘As in...?’

‘As in Ruby Lucas-Whale’s grandmother, yes.’

‘Oh.’

‘What, didn’t expect that? Thought you go to Belle and make her be with you out of sympathy? I would think again in your place.’

He had to fight the tears hard and he succeeded for about thirty seconds after which he cried in earnest, gulping the air. The damn drug.

‘I would stop that. You’re going to be sick at that rate.’

And on her newly changed sheets, of course.

‘Did you...tell...?’

‘I told Ruby. She would decide if it’s better for Belle to know or not. We’ll protect her.’

He wanted to say that she had no right to tell anyone about her patients, but maybe that was only a rule for doctors? Maybe only Victor respected it in every circumstance. And protecting Belle was surely the best cause, more important than some rules.

He cried much more, when Ruby’s grandmother left, hiding as much as he can from other patients. Fortunately, his bed was in the corner. Did he crippled himself for no reason? Would Belle even listen to his rationale? Or would she already know from Ruby and would have her mind made up? Maybe nurse Lucas really knew better, maybe he _did_ it out of self pity, to force Belle into sympathy, to steal from her what wasn’t meant for him? After all, what did he have to offer Belle? Nothing at all.


	6. Chapter 6

 

* * *

 

 

Belle was hurrying home in the thick, evening rain. Early December was cold, wet and thoroughly unpleasant. Finding a job connected to traveling was much more difficult than she imagined.

Suddenly she crashed into someone, almost falling. The other person cried painfully, doubling over.

‘Oh God, I’m so sorry!’ Belle cried. ‘Are you alright? Are you hurt?’

The other person, a woman in trench coat, straighten up with painful grimace.

‘You are hurt! I’m so sorry! You...’ Belle trailed off, because in the light of street lamp, she saw that the woman had fresh, angry bruises on her face. ‘You aren’t hurt by the collision. You were hurt earlier. Do you need me to help you to the hospital? Oh, silly question, of course you do. Let’s catch a cab and...’

‘I didn’t say that I want your help,’ the woman interrupted coldly.

‘What?... But you...’

The woman sighed.

‘I can manage.’

‘But I can help. Please, you really look bad.’

Indeed, the woman was hunched and held her right hand protectively over the left one. Belle waved to the passing cab.

‘Please.’

‘Oh, okay...’

The ride to the hospital was a silent one. Belle observed the woman trying to be discrete. She was in her mid-thirties, wore expensive, elegant clothes and meticulous make up, though now it was messed up from injuries and rain.

‘Umm... Do you mind if I asked what happened?’

‘This is none of your business.’

‘But maybe we have to call the police.’

‘No need.’

‘Look, if someone is hurting you...’

‘Please, don’t talk about things you have no idea about.’

‘You don’t know what I have an idea about!’ Belle huffed.

’And _what_ do you think this is about?′ the woman asked angrily. ‘Please, do tell.’

Belle fell silent. What if she thought about the wrong thing? But the woman needed help.

‘I think,’ she said calmly, ‘that someone is hurting you, and that this is probably your husband or partner, so you don’t want to talk to police about this. But believe me, you don’t have to suffer this. You can leave, live on your own.’

The woman smiled coldly.

‘You missed,’ she said. ‘I admit that it looks like a viable option, but it’s totally not about it.’

‘Anyway, let me help. I still think you should report it to the police.’

‘No. And please don’t inform them for me. Do you understand?’

‘You shouldn’t let it slide. Whoever did this to you doesn’t deserve your protection.’

‘I’m not protecting anyone. Now would you kindly shut up? I don’t have that much strength, I prefer to not use it up on pointless arguments.’

Belle angrily tightened her lips, but fell silent. It wasn’t right. The woman was hurt and whoever did this weren’t going to answer for that.

The cab stopped at the hospital and Belle helped the woman out.

‘I’ll help you inside.’

The woman considered that for a moment, then relented. She was obviously in pain.

‘Now leave me. You did enough, and I thank you,’ she said, when a nurse was approaching them.

‘What’s your name?’ Belle asked suddenly.

‘Lana. Thank you for your help.’

‘I’m Belle. I work at the city library. Get better, Lana.’

The woman nodded. Belle watched as nurse took her away. It still wasn’t right.

The next day Belle, with small bouquet of violets, found herself in a female trauma ward of the hospital, asking for Lana. She was directed to the small room with three beds, but only one was occupied by the familiar figure.

Lana had her whole left arm in the cast. Bruises on her face looked somewhat better today, though still very bad. She grimaced seeing Belle.

‘You.’

‘Hello.’ Belle smiled despite everything and presented the flowers, getting an impressive eye roll in the response. ‘How are you feeling.’

‘Quite fine. Why are you here?’

‘I wanted to see how you’re doing.’

Lana looked at her through squinted eyes.

‘You mean to see if you can help me.’

‘If there is something...’

‘There’s not,’ Lana cried exasperated. ‘Do I need to repeat that I’m not a victim of domestic abuse?’

‘Well, you’re a victim of some abuse anyway.’

‘Do you treat everybody like that?’

‘Like what?’

‘Like you knew everything.’

Belle blushed.

‘I just want to help you. I know how it hurts to have a... a close person turn on you.’

‘If so, I’m sure you can find thousands of more fitting cases to help. I don’t have time for this nonsense.’

‘But I know you. And I care.’

‘You trust very easily, Belle.’

‘No, I don’t. Not after...’

‘After what? I assume that after whatever your husband did to you. Did he hit you?’

‘No. He...’

‘Then did he try to control what you’re doing, who you are friends with?’

‘No.’

‘He humiliated you, perhaps? In front of others?’

‘He wouldn’t.’

‘So he demanded from you things you weren’t willing to do, weren’t comfortable with?’

‘Well, sort of...’

‘Were he doing it regularly, not listening to you about how you feel about it?’

‘Stop, Lana! Why are you doing this? You just want to say that I have no right to be hurt!’

‘I just want to say that you shouldn’t talk about things you don’t understand. You can be hurt all you want, but away from me.’

‘You still confirmed you were hurt,’ Belle said stubbornly, trying to divert the discussion away from herself.

‘The only person who hurt me like that was my mother. And she’s dead. So no, you don’t have your case or crusade. Now leave me alone, before I ask someone to escort you out.’

Lana looked at her with a regal gleam in her eyes, like she really was able to just call the servant and order him to escort Belle. She didn’t look like a victim in this moment. Belle left without a word, leaving the violets on the chair.

A few days later, when Belle was busy cataloging new books, Lana entered the library, looking definitely more subdued.

‘I’m sorry, Belle,’ she said. ‘I know I wasn’t nice to you the last time. But I don’t have anywhere to go. I remember you said that you’re a librarian, so...’

‘Oh, of course! Here, sit down. How do you feel?’

Lana sat heavily on an armchair. Her left hand was still in cast and she didn’t look much better that the last time.

‘Fine, considering.’

‘What can I do for you?’

Lana shook her head.

‘You’re too trusting.’

‘Well, my best friend always says that we women must stick together.’

Lana snorted.

‘I’m sorry, I don’t share your enthusiasm. The worst things that happened to me were because of my mother. And sister. She’s the one responsible for my current situation.’

‘Oh... Well, I’m sorry to hear that. What can I do for you, in any case?’

‘I need a place to stay for some time,’ Lana sighed. ‘Just until I’m on my feet again.’

‘I’ll be happy to have you as my guest then.’

Lana smiled.

‘Thank you’.

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

* * *

 

Gold was released from the hospital quickly, much quicker than he felt prepared for. Even nurse Lucas with her damning looks wasn’t as scary as finding himself on the street. The pharmacy promptly sacked him, hearing what he did and suspecting him of stealing the ethanol. He didn’t have money to pay Mr. Zoso for the rent, and anyway his landlord made it clear that he didn’t want him back.

And after all that nurse Lucas said, and with what Gold didn’t have the strength or confidence to fight, he couldn’t go to Belle. He would have to ask Victor for her new address anyway and then Ruby would know. Besides, he didn’t want Victor to know that he crippled himself and so soon after Victor stitched him.

He wandered the streets aimlessly, not knowing what to do. No one cared about him, that he made sure of.

After few hours of walking, his leg was on fire, despite the cast on his ankle and the cane he was given at the hospital, and he was hungry. Was he going to become one of the homeless? Would he be able to survive it?

‘Oh!’

That exclamation caught his attention and he saw, right before him, and elderly woman staring at apples that fell from her ruptured paper bag right on the street.

One of the apples rolled to his feet, so he picked it up automatically. He handed it to the lady, who hurriedly threw the apples into her already overflowing basket, then awkwardly bent down to pick the next one.

‘Thank you,’ the old woman smiled at him. ‘That was very nice of you.’

These were very simple words, but they somehow made him cry. Ashamed, he covered his face with his left hand, the right one clutching his cane.

‘Oh my,’ the woman sounded both surprised and concerned. ‘Something bad must have happened to you to break down like that.’ Gold felt a gentle, but not hesitating hand on his arm. ‘I live right in the second house from here. Please, come with with me. I’ll make you tea.’

That made Gold cry even harder, but he followed the old lady, despite the voice in his head telling him that he was just using her to steal some sympathy, and more practically: some food.

The pink, Victorian house was old and pretty big. Gold could hear children’s laughter coming from somewhere. It sounded like a lot of children and he looked at the old lady questioningly. She smiled.

‘Me and my sister are running a small orphanage. Our family left as with a bit more than we need, so we’re trying to use it for good. Our grandfather came here from France and quickly made a small fortune.’

He just nodded, letting a few more tears escape at the intrusive memory of Neal as a child. The old lady and her sister seemed to be good persons, so much better than he usually encountered.

‘Come here, dear,’ the old lady pointed to the left. Gold was ushered to the small kitchenette. ‘I didn’t introduce myself, right? I’m Marjorie Tournette, auntie Marjorie as the children call me.’

‘I’m Robert Gold.’

‘It’s nice to meet you, dear.’ Auntie Marjorie smiled and Gold shook his head in disbelief.

They were just sitting over tea and the cookies (which he tried not to devour), when the other lady came. She was a bit taller and leaner than auntie Marjorie, but otherwise was her spitting image.

‘Dorothy is reading to them now, we should think of doing supper,’ she said entering, and only then noticed Gold, who awkwardly tried to get up to greet her.

‘Natalie, this is Robert Gold,’ auntie Marjorie said.

‘Hello. I’m auntie Natalie. And, well, how do you know each other and why didn’t I know you?’

Auntie Natalie poured herself a cup of tea and looked at Gold with an expecting smile. He felt himself reddening.

‘He helped me,’ auntie Marjorie said. ‘My apples got spilled all over the pavement, he helped me pick them up.’

‘Oh, thank you,’ auntie Natalie said, smiling even wider. Then she noticed fresh tears in Gold’s eyes. ‘I’m sorry, did I said something wrong?’

‘No, no!’ Gold protested, shaking his head and trying to compose himself. Auntie Marjorie sighed and patted his hand.

‘It’s okay, sweetie. Let it go. You’ll feel better after that.’

‘No, no! You’re so nice to me, how could I cry like that in front of you?...’ Now he tried to wipe his eyes angrily with both hands. Auntie Natalie gently stopped him.

‘We have eight children in this home, we’re cried at all the time. It’s no bother if you need to cry too.’

‘But it’s disgusting!’ he exclaimed straight to the point because he truly had no strength to uphold the pretense of being calm, collected and in control of his life.

‘Nonsense. Everybody cries,' auntie Natalie shrugged. 'We’re not getting put off by mere snouts and swollen faces.’

Gold moved his lips few times trying to say something, but nothing came out.

‘It’s okay,’ auntie Natalie repeated and then every damn wall broke and Gold found himself practically wailing in both women's embrace.

It took a long time for him to calm down and by then he was mostly limp and too lightheaded to move.

He also felt so utterly wonderful having both ladies holding him close that the bliss clouded even the persistent feeling of being unworthy of it.

‘Oh, dear,’ auntie Marjorie said. ‘You’re exhausted. How will you be able to get home tonight?’

‘I don’t have home...’ Gold said without thinking.

‘What?...’

‘I don’t. I just got released from the hospital. I hurt my leg, myself, to not be useful to my former boss, she was a criminal. My wife left me because I wanted to help my boss once more, when my boss was in trouble. And now I lost my job because of my leg and I don’t have money for rent. I don’t have home...’ he repeated and his voice wavered at the end.

‘Oh, you poor thing,’ auntie Natalie sighed. ‘Well, you’ll stay with us. I’m sure we can find you some work, until you’ll find a new job.’

Gold just gaped at her. Auntie Marjorie was smiling all the time.

‘Weren’t you listening? I’m a former criminal.’

‘Well, it didn’t sound like you were running from the law.’

He shook his head.

‘No, I was pardoned for cooperation before we married, and now I helped my boss, but she just stood up her enemy to the cops.’

‘And from what you said, you broke your leg to not get involved with anything criminal, right?’

‘Yes...’

Auntie Natalie nodded decisively.

‘After how you cried I feel convinced that you won’t murder us in our beds and won’t leave with our silvers. At least not with more sinister intents than Valjean.’

‘Valjean?’

‘Oh yes, did you read it?’

That sounded so absurdly like Belle that Gold just erupted with new tears.

But he stayed.

Time moved slowly at the orphanage. Gold, to his own surprise, befriended quickly all eight children: Dorothy, Anthony, Basil, Ava, Nicolas, Cody, Tiana and Pete, and become something like an honorary auntie mixed with a handyman. With both aunties, though, he felt like their ninth child. He couldn’t stop being thrilled by it. It was like an early and unexpected heaven and sometimes he wondered if he perhaps died in the hospital. But then again, why would he go to heaven then?

Aunties were good listeners, ones that instilled Gold with an unusual sense of safety. He found himself explaining his life to them in some more details than before. Only he kept himself from talking about Neal. It hurt too much. He didn’t want them to tell him that he shouldn’t feel guilty.

‘Maybe you could talk with Belle, then?’ auntie Natalie asked. ‘Maybe that will allow you both a more peaceful closure? Or maybe you’ll be able to work things through.’

Gold shook his head vehemently.

‘How could I go to her? I have nothing to offer. I’ll just hurt her again.’

‘You love her very much,’ auntie Natalie pointed out. But he just shook his head sadly.

‘I don’t love her enough. If I had loved her enough, she wouldn’t have left.’

‘Oh, sweet,’ auntie Marjorie said, ‘sometimes love itself isn’t enough to be together.’

Gold looked at her puzzled.

‘Isn’t it?’

‘Maybe it would be easier if it were. But there are things that are beyond our capability, no matter how we love and how hard we’re trying. We’re just doing what we think is best. Both of you were doing what you thought was best.’

Gold shook his head weakly.

‘I don’t know. Belle surely, but I...’

‘You too, honey.’

‘But I hurt her.’

‘Sometimes we do hurt other people without meaning it.’

‘She left and was right to do so.’

‘Why was she right to do so?’

‘To protect herself.’

Auntie Marjorie nodded with an expecting smile.

‘Oh. You’re saying that she did what’s best for herself too. But...’

Auntie Natalie put her hand on his arm.

‘There’s nothing wrong with you thinking about what’s best for you. You just shouldn’t assume that it’s universally alright to hurt others to get it. Hurting others is reserved for self-defense only, when you have no other means.’

Gold frowned.

‘And punishment?’

‘Punishment usually assumes that it’s done for one’s good. You need to be careful with that, though.’

‘Oh.’

He felt more chaos than usual in his head.

‘But I still should have thought harder what’s best for her.’

‘Yet you don’t blame her for not thinking what’s best for you.’

‘No, she thought it would be best for us.’

‘Didn’t you?’

He had no answer. Did he?

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

* * *

 

 

Lana was a fascinating woman, Belle thought, opening the door to her apartment for the unpredicted guest. She was hurt, she needed help, but somewhere beneath it she had that stone-like will that allowed her to not lose sight of what she really wanted. At no point in their short friendship Lana seemed lost and it didn’t look like fake demonstration of power in a moment when everything spins out of control.

Belle made them dinner, feeling like an ordinary, mousy girl, and at the same time feeling irritated with herself for thinking so. But now that Lana was here and Belle didn’t need to convince her to accept help, she started to feel defensive, as if Lana was going to criticize everything about Belle and Belle’s life. Maybe friendship with Ruby made Belle forget that not everybody is as accepting as her closest friend?

‘You have a nice apartment, Belle,’ Lana said when they sat over tea after dinner. Usually this was reading time for Belle, but the guest needed attention.

‘Thank you.’

‘Did you decorate it herself?’

‘Yes’ Belle said a bit more sharply than intended. Lana raised her eyebrows.

‘I take it that you did it after breaking up with your husband. If so, you don’t need to tell me anything more.’

It sounded as if Lana was put off by the idea of listening about Belle and her husband. Belle paradoxically felt the need to speak up and, well, defend herself. She also started to regret inviting Lana. Just a bit, the poor woman was in trouble and so on, but this was going to be a long trial for Belle.

‘I worked hard to make that work, Lana.’

Lana smirked.

‘You mean your apartment or your marriage?’

‘Both!’ Belle yelled without any thought. ‘You look like you already decided that I’m just a fussing five years old when it comes to my marriage!’

‘I’ll gladly keep that opinion to myself,’ Lana offered, infuriatingly calm. ‘I don’t need to listen to somebody’s problems.’

‘That’s rude.’

‘It’s also true. You don’t need to try to enlighten me about how people screw up and how they can screw up you, I know it intimately from both sides.’

Belle flailed her arms in a helpless fury, then deflated.

‘Yes, I guess that you know. I just thought that we can support each other.’

‘I need only a place to stay. If your price is my emotional support, then I’m out. I can manage to find something else.’

Belle sighed, making a conscious effort to be, or at least sound, reasonable.

‘Okay, that sounded ugly. There’s no price, I just offered you help. I guess I need to deal with what happened with my husband on my own.’

‘Good.’

And then somehow Belle couldn’t stop herself before adding:

‘I just wish I could forgive him, that somehow he saw that it’s worth for him to change.’

Lana rolled her eyes, looking truly tired in this moment.

‘Okay, since you’re obviously unable to keep quiet, here’s what I think. First, there’s no forgiveness. When people got hurt, they learn to protect themselves. Sometimes they are taught it even before being hurt. So they don’t approach again people who hurt them, and avoid those who might hurt them for the first time. The ones who hurt are doomed to fail, even if it seems that they’re forgiven, the reserve and resentment stays deep, because everybody does primarily what they think best for them. You too.’

Belle looked sideways.

‘That sounds cruel, Lana,’ she said quietly.

‘It’s true nevertheless, isn’t it? Even if it’s not what you want to hear.’

‘But if he changed... My friend always tells me that he won’t and I should forget him for my own good.’

‘Ah, that’s why you wanted to talk with me. You hoped for a different reaction.’

Belle blushed.

‘I might have.’

‘You wanted me to tell you that, what, that he’s going to change and come back apologizing, ready to be a perfect husband?’

‘Not perfect. Don’t make it sound silly!’

‘It is silly even without that part.’ Lana put their teacup on the table with a bit too much force. ‘And not because people don’t change, they do. But only sometimes and in the unpredictable manner and direction, unpredictable even for them. Sitting here moping and waiting is naive.’

‘I’m not going to allow him to see that I care so much to forgive anything. He needs to change on his own.’

Lana smiled mockedly.

‘Oh, so the everything or nothing approach. It might not work,’ she shrugged, serious again. ’That’s the way it is, sometimes something’s not working and it’s nobody’s fault. He might not be able to do it on his own, no matter how hard he’d try, and he might never meet anyone who would be able, and willing but ‘able’ is rarer, to help him. It doesn’t have to be fair or end happily. It’s neither fair nor unfair in fact. It just is. But if you have an idea to change something then go on.′

Belle shook her head.

‘No. He needs to face what he’s done. I’m not going to do his work, he’d never learn if I did.’

‘Suit yourself,’ Lana shrugged again, this time with perfect uncaring. ‘I’m going to sleep then.’

When Belle helped her get the fresh sheets, Lana saw the small copy of a wedding photograph, that Belle put into the corner of the wardrobe to not look at it.

‘That is your husband?’ Lana stared at the picture.

‘Yes,’ Belle said, a little bit too defensive again, because it sounded as if Lana didn’t think too highly of Robert’s physical appearance or age. That wasn’t an unusual reaction and Belle hated it passionately, even after divorce. She quickly hid the photo under the towels.

‘Good gracious, the universe hates me,’ Lana murmured, though Belle wasn’t sure if she heard right, Lana was already turning away.


	9. Chapter 9

 

* * *

 

 

The nights was the worst. If he were lucky, he was tired enough after a day’s work to fall asleep. But in the small orphanage there wasn’t really that much work, and certainly not for someone with his disability. Lying awake he felt like an useless parasite. He wasn’t an orphaned child anymore, for a very long time in fact. He needed to make himself more useful, because he really didn’t want to leave this place. He would willingly leave only for Belle or Neal and that wasn’t an option anymore. And that was usually the point when his longing for both of them was becoming too much and he was bursting into tears, muffing them with the pillow as best as he could.

After another sleepless, crying night, seeing his face in the mirror, Gold was sure that his aunties wouldn’t stay away from the topic.

Indeed, auntie Marjorie smeared butter over her toast with a pensive expression on her face. Then she looked at him sharply.

‘Maybe you could write to her, telling her how you felt? It might do both of you some good, to simply understand better what had happened. Without any pleas or demands.’

Gold blinked, feeling sudden rush of fear.

‘I... I think it’s better to just let her live her life. No sense in disrupting it.’

He earned a very stern glance for that.

‘You are just trying to have the easiest way out while making it look like a sacrifice, young man. But maybe you are right too. Write it at least, just for yourself, and then you’ll decide if you want to send it. I mean, write it in a simple words, as if you were explaining it to the child. Simple is best.’

Gold learned already that auntie Marjorie and auntie Natalie usually had good ideas. He wrote the letter, just for himself. The crumpled, tear-stained pages full of incoherent babbling weren’t suitable for anyone’s eyes. But once he wrote them, he felt the need to not let them go to waste. So he finally rewrote it for Belle. It took him two days and nine trips to the mail box to actually send it – to Victor, as he didn’t knew Belle’s new address.

_’Belle,_

_I’m not writing this to ask you for anything, except for listening to me just for a moment. I was advised to ‘just’ tell you what I wasn’t able to tell and do while we’ve been together and, if I know, why. Just this, nothing more. You don’t have to reply or anything, though if you want, you’ll find the return address at the end. These are things that I wouldn’t be able to say aloud without crying - this way you wouldn’t have to endure the whole disgusting spectacle. I’ll try to be brief. Also, I am able to tell these things to you now because we are not together anymore. I don’t have to worry about losing you when I tell you how week and stupid I really am. I am so sorry for deceiving you into thinking that I am anything more._

_So, the most important thing is that I love Neal so much. I feel like I lost him just yesterday. I know you told me to not blame myself for his death, but I can’t control this. If not for me, my boy would be alive. I did my best to be strong and do as you told me. I didn’t talk about him because there was nothing for me to say without admitting the guilt, but it hurt me so much to not be able to talk. But I was too afraid that I’d tell something to make you think that I’m stupid again._

_It’s not that I had to personally kill Zelena. It’s just that it’s so unfair to my boy that she didn’t answer for what she did. No one but me care about that - and certainly not the cops, who wrapped up the case as soon as possible. I want to do something for my boy, anything, but as always there is nothing for me to do, or at least not without ruining everything else. I want so much to be the father he would be proud of, but I honestly don’t see how. I’ve messed up too much._

_As for Regina, I truly care for her. She never was cruel to me and helped when I really needed help. I think I would be dead long ago if not for her. She is dangerous, but much of it is because the environment she has to survive in. I know you don’t see her that way. I know you see her just as a criminal and a threat. She is, that’s true, I don’t try to say she’s not. But that’s not the only thing she is and I wasn’t able to turn my back on her. I had to help, though I admit there wasn’t much I was able to do. But I couldn’t agree to not doing anything for her. There was also the danger that she might want to punish me, and you, for not helping her. I have helped her to be persuasive in the past and I have seen what could happen first hand. You wanted to solve the problem together, but I think you meant another problem at all. You didn’t care for Regina, and you had every right not to. But I cared. Is it really that bad of me? Can’t I care for someone who did something wrong? If I can’t, then what is the hope for anybody, as we all can’t say that we did everything right? I didn’t lie when I said that if there was any other way possible to help her, I would. I know it doesn’t justify anything, but I want you to know that no one died and no one got hurt this time. And after that she again set me free. Now she wouldn’t ever want me back, I made sure of it._

_You wanted to solve the problem of me being criminal again. I know you might not believe me, ever, but I didn’t want to go back to be a criminal again. I wanted to help Regina and to stop Zelena. I know that the means I agreed to were criminal. But Belle, what would be any other way? Even back then I tried not to kill if I could avoid it, but sometimes you kill or get killed. You’ll probably say that I shouldn’t get involved in it at all, that it must give me pleasure of some kind to not resign from it earlier. I never took any pleasure from killing. I admit I liked having people fearing me and feeling esteem for me, and doing what I wanted. It was so different from what I was before and am now used to. But killing in itself was never anything but cruel necessity. That’s why I was able to hope that I can resign from working with Regina at all. With you there I had all the esteem I needed – you wanted me, and I was important to you, if only for a period of time. It made me falsely believe that I can give you more than I really can, give enough to make you happy. Back when I was stitched at Victor’s house, when you went to sleep already, Ruby came to me for a moment and told me that I would do the right thing by letting you go and allowing you to pursue your dreams. Belle, I’m so sorry that you had to waste so much time at me. I hope with all my heart that you would find your happiness._

_Robert’_

The letter was addressed to Victor, but Ruby opened it as she did with all the mail. Their life weren’t exciting enough anymore to warrant secrets and separate mails. She took out a smaller envelope and a brief letter accompanying it, Robert asking Victor to deliver his letter to Belle. Ruby frowned at the glued envelope. No way. She wasn’t going to let Gold destroy Belle’s life. She’s seen and heard enough, herself, from Belle or from Granny. Belle should have better life than anything Gold could give her. She should fulfill her dreams, not be hurt by him.

And thus, Ruby threw the scrunched envelope to the trash can.


	10. Chapter 10

 

* * *

 

 

Ruby was the last person Gold expected to show up at the Victorian. His heart started to beat wildly because her appearance could mean anything, but most probably that Belle didn’t want to see him and Ruby came instead, to tell him what he did wrong again.

He wasn’t mistaken.

Auntie Marjorie showed them into the best room and served tea. Ruby smiled at her with a somehow strained smile. When they were alone, she fished his letter from the bag. It was scrunched, dirty and somewhat smelly. Also, it wasn’t opened. Ruby slammed the letter and her fist on the table.

‘What the hell do you think you’re doing, Gold?’

He tried to answer that, but couldn’t think of anything that wouldn’t make her even more angry.

‘Do you really think that writing to Belle now is a good idea? She works hard to have her life sorted out, to find opportunities to see the world as she always wanted, and now you go and write to her? What for? To tell her about your leg? Do you think she has it too easy? Do you think you can put her under that pressure and win her back by making her feel guilty?’

‘Did she see the letter?’ Gold managed to ask.

‘No. At first, I threw it in the trash can, but then I thought it would be unfair to her to not check what’s going on in person. So explain to me why did you think that all of this was such a good idea?’

Gold took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. He felt like he supposed their youngest boy, Pete, felt when auntie Marjorie caught him again red handed stealing lollipops from kitchen. Only, Gold’s actions were harming Belle.

‘Alright,’ he rasped. ‘Give me the letter back, and let’s forget it all.’

Ruby took back her hand from the letter.

‘I’m still waiting for your explanation, Gold.’

‘There won’t be any. It’s not your business, Mrs Whale. But you may rest assured, I won’t contact Belle again. I believe this conversation is over.’

With that, he snatched the letter from the table and left the room, feeling extremely self-conscious about his lame leg, still in cast. Old widow Lucas told Ruby how she thought it happened. And he was too big, damn coward to ask if they told Belle. He prayed they didn’t. There wasn’t any way to explain his broken leg without making it sound like an emotional blackmail aimed at Belle.

He stopped in the doorway, turning to Ruby, who also stood up to leave. He put on his best, most powerful persona learned in Regina’s speakeasy.

‘Don’t tell Belle about anything. Including my address, this conversation, and whatever you might know or think about my injury. Do you understand?’

Ruby nodded and left.

Auntie Marjorie found him later in his room, sitting on the bed and sobbing over the stinking envelope.

‘Robert?’ she asked carefully. ‘Can I come in?’

He nodded. He wasn’t able to hide his shame and tears from the aunties, he didn’t bother anymore.

Auntie Marjorie sat down on his only chair.

‘What happened, Robert?’

‘Nothing. I’m just stupid and selfish monster.’

‘Now, now, no need for calling yourself names. You say you did something stupid and selfish?’

Gold nodded again.

‘I sent the letter.’

‘To Belle?’

‘Yes... I... I explained how it looked like from my side.’

Auntie Marjorie waited patiently. Gold sighed.

‘That woman who came, it was Mrs Whale, Belle’s best friend. I send the letter on her address, to her husband. She must have seen it first. She came here, she...’ he took a deep breath. ‘She said it was wrong to send Belle this. That Belle should be able to move on without any interference on my part. Hence the selfishness.’

He hung down his head, waiting for some comments. Instead he felt the bed dipping as the old lady sat next to him and put her arms around him.

‘Then I’m sorry we suggested it to you. We truly meant the best, but maybe we thought too much about what’s best for you and too little about what’s best for her.’

‘It helped me,’ Gold admitted. ‘The writing itself, it helped to make the chaos... less chaotic. I just shouldn’t have sent it. I thought that now I could explain to Belle so much more than when we were together. She always wanted me to talk, to share and I was always too afraid she wouldn’t like what I’d tell her... But I somehow forgot that that was then, and now she’s not the person I should talk to anymore.’ The tears started to flow anew. ‘I just wanted her to think a bit better of me. I should have known better that to try to force her to make me feel good about myself. There’s nothing good about me anyway.’

‘There’s plenty of good about you, Robert. You’re a kind, caring man, and you’re a tremendous help for us here. Sometimes I can’t even remember how it was to not have you around. The kids love you too. And for me and Natalie you’re like a son. I’m so sorry that your marriage didn’t work.’

‘I destroyed it myself, auntie.’

‘I’m sorry anyway. You didn’t want it to end like that. You didn’t want to hurt anyone.’

‘But I did.’

‘Yes, I know. And you were hurt too. But I wouldn’t try to pin the blame. You can rather think what could you have done better and learn for the future.’

Gold sniffed.

‘What future do I have?’

‘Well, for once you can live with us for as long as you want. We certainly want you here. And we can work from that point on. You never know what future might bring.’

Gold nodded numbly, resting his head on auntie’s arm.

Meanwhile, Ruby came home, huffing. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Now she not only didn’t know if it’s better for Belle to be told about Gold’s idiotic ideas, both about his broken leg and that letter, now she also had to take into account that Gold himself didn’t want Belle to know. While it was a very good thing that Gold finally seemed to understand what a divorce is and that after it the marriage ends, Ruby didn’t like having secrets she couldn’t tell her best friend. It was bad enough that Granny told her about Gold breaking his leg to made Belle feel guilty. Just thinking about that one made Ruby livid. Granny sounded too controlling when she told Ruby that in her opinion it would be best for Belle to not know, but given the circumstances, Ruby was inclined to agree. If not the letter, she probably would tell Belle about Gold’s leg, even if Granny had made her hesitate for some time. It hurt Ruby to tell her best friend that her ex-husband did something so awful, so unfair and planned to use it to hurt Belle further. Belle really deserved better than that man. Fine then, if Gold wanted her to keep quiet, she would. And she can always tell Belle later, when Ruby would be sure that it wouldn’t hurt Belle too much.


	11. Chapter 11

 

* * *

 

 

When Belle woke up the apartment was empty. There was a piece of paper on the table though and Belle took it curiously.

_’Belle,_

_thank you for the place to stay. This one night made a difference. Perhaps some day I will be able to return the favor._

_I also helped myself to some breakfast. I must say that peach jam was exquisite._

_Lana’_

Belle raised her eyebrows and, in the first silly moment, checked how much jam did Lana use up. Too much for Belle’s taste as it turned out. Belle sighed and just hoped that Lana would be okay and that they wouldn’t meet again. It was, at the very least, too tiring.

Few days later Belle was invited to Ruby and Victor for dinner. Granny was going to be there too. Belle found out that she wasn’t as enthusiastic to the idea of the big dinner as one would expect. Mainly because she would be peppered with questions and she didn’t have any new answers. Life has been just the same since the divorce. No exciting jobs or travels in sight, no newly met men, and she certainly wasn’t going to tell them about Lana. She didn’t need to, she could easily imagine the shock, disbelief and flat accusations about being naive. She loved Granny and Ruby, but on occasions they were a little too much to bear. Belle wouldn’t argue that she sometimes did naive things, but how could she learn what is not naive any other way than trying to do something on her own? And blind self preservation was as bad as any blindness, right?

She had to face the same problem when she decided to marry Robert. Granny was very opposed to the idea from the beginning, Ruby was more understanding, but still so worried. Now Belle felt compelled to defend herself to both, Granny especially, because she didn’t regret her marriage itself, only that it ended badly. She was still certain that she would regret not marrying Robert much, much more. But explaining this to others seemed like an awfully unattractive option. And a futile one, as everyone there could just say that they are worried because, unlike Belle, they have first-hand experience with the world of crime. What was Granny’s experience from years ago Belle didn’t exactly know, but the old lady was very sure of herself using it as an argument.

It might have been a bad influence of Lana’s stay, but Belle called Ruby with a made up excuse of terrible headache.

‘Yes, Ruby, I promise I’ll take care of myself,’ said Belle without enthusiasm. Still, better half a minute of over-worried Ruby on the phone than a whole evening of over-worried Ruby and Granny, not to mention the silent presence of Victor who usually tried to blend into a wall when forced to spend more than two minutes with the old lady.

Feeling slightly guilty about lying to her best friend, Belle took her coat and hat and went for a walk, planning to enjoy the last two hours of daylight. Maybe she’ll even do some shopping?

‘Belle!’

Belle whirled hearing her name, reflexively wondering what trouble fell on her now. But then she saw a redheaded, smiling woman approaching her quickly.

‘Ariel!’

Soon they were chatting over the coffee in one of the little coffee shops. Belle didn’t see Ariel for several years and the redhead flooded her with enthusiastic description of her husband, baby daughter and her work in archeological museum, complete with travels to various excavation places.

Belle felt jealous. She hated it, especially when Ariel was such a sweet, happy soul, but she honestly couldn’t remember a time in her life when she felt this jealous.

Finally she feigned a forgotten meeting to flee the coffee shop in a hurry, leaving confused, but not offended Ariel with her coffee cup only half empty.

Belle wasn’t sure what she wanted or even what she felt beside the burning jealousy and a sense of being unjustly hurt, but she regretted that she didn’t have Robert’s new address. She could go there and shout at him, and maybe even hit him, and trash his apartment, and do other things to show him how much she was angry with him for taking away from her everything that she so badly wanted.

She sat on the bench to think it over without bumping into people on the street. She wanted to have another person in her life. Another loving, staying forever person. Who also would be a man she desired. And someone to be there for her as she could be for him. Because even getting her dreams come true was damn cold when she didn’t have anyone to share her joy with and to rely on in case something failed. Maybe there were people who were just fine on their own, but right now Belle didn’t feel like one of them and somehow it didn’t have anything to do with being dependent and constricted, as she often thought. It felt just like a fine thing to feel.

But of course the damned man had to ruin that and Belle felt like weeping. More precise, she felt as if someone close to her died and she had to go through all the grief process - alone. Still, it was better to do it alone than to hear that she did the right thing, or even that she fixed the previous mistake of marrying Robert, and how all this is so good for her.

There was nothing good in this. They were meant to build a happy relationship and they failed. She should be allowed to grieve for this, even if it was completely unclear at the moment what (and if) she should have done differently. She hoped there was something though, because being the innocent girl allowing herself to be harmed felt downright repulsive, like some sort of nightmarish maze. No fault meant no responsibility, no responsibility meant no control and no power to make things work in the future. Just passive, hopeful waiting for the right people, right men, to appear. And still, she didn’t believe that meeting Robert and marrying him was a mistake, she hated each and every comment implying that it was, even if said with the best intentions. She could decide to risk being hurt and no one could tell or force her to think and do otherwise. Still, what was left for her now, when she didn’t know what she could change?

She hoped something could happen, something new, that would allow her to escape the maze, to change, to regain control. Even something as cheap as waking up at the end of Alice in Wonderland, where she could wake up next to Robert and discover that all of this never happened.

Of course, the universe wasn’t so accommodating. In the next minute a black car stopped right before her and Lana got out of it.

‘Belle,’ she said courtly. ‘I need you to go with me. I believe you might be in danger.’

Be careful what you wish for, they say.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to thank for the comments and kudos. I can't really answer to the comments without spoiling things, but I appreciate them, they show me people are reading and caring about the story.

 

* * *

 

 

Checking the winter covers on rose bushes and repairing the ones messed up by a strong wind the day before, was nice, relaxing work, that didn’t even require moving his bad leg too much. Gold put all his concentration into his task, determined to make aunties satisfied. Since he had cast removed and the doctors definitely stated that he would always need a cane, he tried to be useful twice as usual, like making an investment. If he could work for aunties, maybe he wouldn’t have to search for any other job nor leave them. That, however, depended on how useful he felt, because aunties wouldn’t tell him. Fortunately, both Milah and his father taught him thoroughly to never take things for granted.

He enjoyed the work here, didn’t mind waking up early in the morning. There were lot of tasks that was hard and tedious for old ladies to do and for which they had to seek help in the past. Now he could take care of their garden, except for moving heavy things, he could do most of the repairs in the house along with many everyday chores, tailor clothes for children and aunties and watch children (although he never considered this one a chore).

Life became somewhat stable for him. He didn’t forget Belle, he missed her just as much as at the beginning, but without hope and without any news from or about her, he had no choice but focus on his new home and family.

‘Gold?’

He shivered, hearing woman’s voice behind him. Slowly, he turned around, somewhat hoping for it to be a mistake or even straightforward hallucination.

Tink stood on the other side of the fence, wearing her usual man’s clothes, complete with gray fedora hat and green tie.

‘What do you want?’ Gold asked, not too nice.

Tink sighed, somewhat sad.

‘I thought I’d never find you.’

Given the fact that she was a private investigator, this statement wasn’t as dramatic as she would, perhaps, like.

‘What do you want?’

‘Regina asked me to find you.’

‘Of course. You can tell her I’m of no use to her now. I need this for life.’

He pointedly showed Tink his cane. She frowned.

‘What happened?’

‘Not your business. Now if you would be so kind to leave me. I have work to do.’

‘Yes, I can see that you work hard. You really care about those people.’

‘And what that is supposed to mean?’

‘Calm down, it’s not me who’s threatening you. Nor is it Regina. You missed so much since you disappeared. Zelena took over Regina’s speakeasy, with the help of Sidney Glass and few other men. Regina is now alone, hurt and hiding in my apartment, but Dove pretends to be loyal to Zelena and is giving us information. That’s how we know that she’s planning to find you. Not to kill but to capture it seems, she always had a strange obsession with you.’

‘How can I know that I can believe you at all, Tink?’ Gold tried to say it with disdain, but his voice trembled.

‘You can’t and you know that. It’s your call. But if I were you, I wouldn’t want to be here, with people I care, when Zelena came. And if I found you, she can do it too. Moreover, she would want to hurt Belle too.’

‘Belle?’

‘Zelena’s unstable’ Tink shrugged. ‘But highly efficient. I want you to come with me and help us defeat her. You don’t really have other choice, not with Belle in danger.’

Gold looked at Tink angrily, resenting her for this ultimatum, even if it was Zelena who authored it.

‘Wait here, Tink.’

He put away his gardening tools, changed into his own clothes, and, with heavy sigh, left a note on the kitchen table, saying that he had to help a friend, and will be back as soon as possible. It was a good thing that aunties and children went to the park for the whole afternoon.

He hesitated, wanting to add something more, just in case he won’t be back. But what was there to add that wouldn’t sound like a final goodbye?

Tink brought him to a small flat in a more shady part of the town, looking twice as creepy in a falling darkness. He sighed, sitting in the chair, resigned to wait for Regina to explain details. Belle wouldn’t like it, but Zelena was threatening Belle. Was there anything he wouldn’t do to keep Belle safe?

Soon enough, doors cringed and voices came, Tink and Regina greeting each other, and...

‘What does that mean?!’

Gold stood up as quick as his leg allowed. Belle! Belle was here, right before him, beautiful as ever, but also angry.

‘Lana, you’ve told me that I’m in danger because I’ve helped you! What is he doing here? Is this some kind of trick?!’

‘No, not intentional at least,’ Regina shrugged, not really caring about Belle’s outburst. ‘I didn’t know who you were when we met first, it’s just safer to give anyone a false name. I realized what’s going on when I’ve seen your wedding photo.’

‘And that’s why you left. Good, you shouldn’t have come back. And I shouldn’t go with you now, I don’t know what was I thinking.’

‘Yes, I should have left you for my crazy sister to hunt.’ Regina rolled her eyes. ‘Look, dear, you and him, and me, we are in the same danger from her. It’s somewhat rational to join forces to survive. After that you can do whatever you want, as long as it’s not whining to me about whatever and whoever hurt you. Or me, I’m no charity case. I hope we’ll never meet again but for now there is job to be done.’

Belle looked like she was about to cry and have a fit at the same time, and Gold hesitated. Should he say something? Or would it only make it worse?

‘So, to clear everything once and for all,’ Regina continued, looking smugly despite having her hand in the cast and a collection of bruises on her face, ‘I am Regina Mills, your husband’s former boss. I take it you heard about me.’

Belle’s face contorted in disgust and hurt.

‘Now, Belle, the danger is real. You need to stay here or you are an easy prey. I’m sure we can work out who would sleep where. Don’t worry about money, it’s all on me, my sister didn’t manage to rob all of my bank accounts. I guess we’ll leave you both alone now, you look like you need to talk.’

Regina took Tink by arm and they both disappeared behind the kitchen door. That left Gold looking helplessly at Belle and having her undivided attention.

He wasn’t even sure if speaking aloud to apologize is a safe option, so he waited for Belle to do the first move.

‘What happened to your leg?’ she asked, trying to sound calm and indifferent.

‘I...’ Gold stammered, lowering his head. She didn’t know? They didn’t tell her? But how could he tell her now that he broke his leg to have another chance with her?

‘Of course.’ Belle sighed. ‘No need to explain me that,’ she said in a dull voice. ‘I think I don’t want to know. Your dealings with Regina are your own business.’

That made him look at her.

‘Belle...’

She raised her eyebrows, looking more tired than angry and he just bit his tongue. There wasn’t really anything he could say to make it better. He felt traitorous tears on his cheeks. She spotted them too, shaking her head.

‘I can’t do this again, Robert, sorry,’ she said. Of course, she was right. She probably thought that he was trying to force her into sympathy for him. Well, he hoped he didn’t, but he wanted that sympathy, or any affection at all, and he might have done it even unconsciously. His throat felt tight, so he just nodded.

‘I need some space,’ Belle said.

He nodded again, turned around and limped into an adjacent room that Tink used as a small office. He made sure to close the door, so Belle wouldn’t hear him cry. Still, the most important thing was that she was safe.

About an hour later, Tink entered the office.

‘Belle?’ she called. Gold looked at her sharply. Tink groaned.

‘I don’t even want to know what you two were talking about, but please tell me, where is she now?’

Gold felt his heart stop.

‘She’s not in the flat?’


	13. Chapter 13

 

* * *

 

 

Belle walked briskly, slamming her heels into the pavement, and not even trying to rein the thousands furious thoughts that were screaming inside her head. The universe must have hated her. Or maybe she really was naïve as hell, because she honestly didn’t expect to find her former husband sitting so homely in Regina’s house. Or in Regina’s friend’s house, whatever. If she had known that Lana is Regina, that is. She was naïve as hell, because somewhere deep she still had hope that he didn’t go back to her. That he just lived somewhere, not messing around with mobsters, not involved in alcohol smuggling, not preferring that horrid, criminal woman to Belle. But apparently he did. And she realized it only when it hit her in the face, while she should have known it from the very beginning. And not marry him.

It was dark, so she let herself cry. There weren’t many people in the street, not much light too, and after a while she started to be afraid. Forget the evil Zelena, that woman, known to Belle only through other’s tales, felt more like a myth or a fairy tale anyway. As for now, simply getting mugged was much more probable. But how could she have stayed there? Allow them to decide, to manipulate her, to treat her like an empty-headed girl, who can’t decide anything. She was so tired of people trying to take care of her, she just wanted them to understand that she could take care of herself. She wasn’t fragile damsel in distress.

‘Oh, what do we have here?’

On the other hand...

‘No, no, wait, ol’ papa Hook won’t hurt you, love!′

The man was drunk, but not so that he couldn’t outrun her in her high, pretty heels. He was also big and fat, and disgusting. She started to run, wondering if she should shake off her heels and risk stepping barefoot on glass or other junk. It became meaningless soon, when she run into another man.

‘I’m holding her!’ the man squeaked happily, and Belle fought to get free. That man was even older and fatter, and smelled even more disgusting.

‘My, my! Good catch, Smee!’

Belle looked at the man that was calling himself ‘papa Hook’. He was tall and probably strong, though he looked close to being fifty years old. He must have been muscular and handsome once, but now he had a beer belly, many gray hair and a sagged, drunken face.

‘Well, love, don’t be shy,’ he babbled drunkenly. ‘You’re such a pretty thing.’

‘She even looks kinda like Milah did once,’ Smee chimed in.

Belle blinked. No way.

‘You’re Killian Jones?...’ she asked before she had time to think. He looked even more befuddled.

‘Why do you know me, when I don’t know you?’

Then it occurred to Belle that nothing she could say would make her position better. But it might buy her some time to think, maybe?

‘You married Milah Gold?’ she asked loudly.

Hook spat on the pavement. Fortunately, he was drunk enough to answer her.

‘Yeah, and she turned into an old, screeching hag by now. Good thing we don’t have children, I would pity them. I think I did that pitiful chemist a tremendous favor, freeing him from her. We were a happy lovebirds for years, but apparently nothing lasts forever. That doesn’t answer my question, how do you know me?’

‘I... I was married to Gold.’

She could see in streetlights his almost comical expression of shock. Then he shook his head.

‘But you mean Milah’s kid, not the chemist? I thought he didn’t have any wife before that blond demon cop.’

‘No, I mean Robert Gold,’ Belle said defiantly. ‘You have a problem with that?’

Hook was silent for a moment, then he roared with laughter. Smee laughed too. Belle just wanted to smack them both, hard.

‘Well, love, I simply can’t believe the old loser found something as pretty as you. But apparently you had a problem with that, since you say you was married to him, past tense. Unless he kicked the bucket already?’

‘No, he’s alive,’ Belle managed, feeling herself blush. Couldn’t she say anything to shut that man up?

‘Hey, Hook!’ a new, female voice, joined. ‘What do you think you’re doing?’

‘Oh, crap!’ Hook turned slowly, trying to put the most pleasant expression on her face. ‘Just making friends, love. She’s practically family too, you wouldn’t believe that!’

Smee, obviously frightened, released Belle at once. She ran toward the woman, whoever the newcomer was.

‘Get lost, Hook, before I can arrest you. I can’t believe you’re technically my in-law.’

‘I regret that deeply every time I see you, love,’ Hook said, taking a mock bow, then finally disappeared with Smee trailing along.

‘In law?’ Belle said weakly. ‘Is that some sort of conspiracy? This town has thousands of people, all this really shouldn’t be possible.’

‘Are you alright, lady? Did he hurt you?’

‘No. I’m Belle French.’

‘Emma Cassidy,’ came an automatic reply. ‘Are you sure you’re okay?’

Belle sighed.

‘Yes. I just had a really bad day. I mean, I was Belle Gold. I was married to Neal’s father.’

Emma’s eyes widened in understanding.

‘I see. That’s what Hook meant. Yeah, now you look familiar. But what the hell are you doing here alone at night? It’s a bad place, can’t you see?’

‘Yes, it is... Emma, you’re a cop, right? I mean, you work for the police. I think I need your help. I thought of calling you even, I should have. I can’t... I need help.’

Belle felt herself crying, when she said this. But Hook just has shown her that she couldn’t do everything alone. She felt humiliated, but then again, maybe she should? Wasn’t it a bit childish to imagine she can do everything by herself? Was she as naïve as everybody seemed to think?

‘Okay, let’s get in the car, you can tell me then. Where do you live?’

Belle hesitated. Maybe she was paranoid, but if Hook was a real danger, then why Zelena wouldn’t be?

‘I... I don’t think I should go home tonight.’

Emma raised her brows.

‘Alright,’ she said slowly. ‘Let’s go to my place, then.’

Belle, sniffling, took the front seat of a black ford. Emma quickly pulled off.

‘So, what’s the story?’

‘Well... you know how Neal’s father worked for Regina Mills.’

‘Yeah.’

Belle took a quick look at Emma, but her face was blank. Yet, of course Emma knew. That was what got Neal killed, right?

‘I’m sorry about Neal...’ Belle said quietly. She and Emma saw each other only once, fleetingly, on Neal’s funeral. What a pity. So many things would be better if Neal lived.

‘Yeah. Me too. Though I hope you don’t feel guilty.’

This sounded sharp.

‘N-no!’

‘Good. Because I imagine that Neal’s dad felt guilty as hell, and that’s why he didn’t contact me or Henry.’

‘What?’

Now Emma looked at her.

‘Did he say something else?’

‘No... he didn’t really say anything.’

‘I see. But we got off topic. What’s the problem now?’


	14. Chapter 14

 

* * *

 

 

Tink and Regina didn’t waste time to announce their displeasure.

‘She just walked away?’ Regina looked to the ceiling, exasperated. ‘Gold, what the hell did you tell her? Or didn’t tell her? Didn’t you realize the danger? Zelena would have a ball with her, just to spite me and you.’

He knew that. Gold felt like his blood was freezing up. He knew.

‘She was upset to find you with us, right?’

Gold nodded numbly. Tink sighed, impatient.

‘You could have said something. Like, how you did everything to not work with Regina anymore. She’ll think you’re and idiot forever, by the way. Maybe then Belle wouldn’t try to sneak out. But no, you had to hide. I’ve forgotten how difficult it can be to work with you, Gold.’

Gold didn’t even look at Tink, pretending he didn’t hear her scolding. What was the point? Belle wouldn’t believe him. No one would believe him, as no one ever did. Starting from his father, everyone knew very well that the fault lied always with him, though the opinions might have differed about what fault exactly. Only some were more kind about that, like his son, like Belle once, offering him a chance to fix at least part of what he had broken. Aunties gave him another chance too. Well, no more of that now. It wasn’t surprising. The fault was his after all. But now Belle was in danger because of him.

‘I’m done,’ Regina announced, gesturing with her carefully manicured hand. Despite troubles she managed to have her nails as red as ever. ‘I offered her help. I owed her, so I really tried. If she didn’t want it, it’s her decision.’

‘What?’ Gold looked at her, dismayed. ‘You can’t! She’s in danger! We need to do something!’

‘You can do whatever you want, Gold,’ Regina said coldly. ‘You’re free to go, even if I hoped you could help. Despite your foolish injury you can be useful. And I like you, I’d hate to see Zelena getting her hands on you. But I don’t have time or resources to pursue a girl who doesn’t want my help.’

Gold just stared at Regina, begging her silently to reconsider. What could he do himself? A weak, scrawny chemist, an old cripple, once maybe good with a gun, but not even owning one now. Belle didn’t want them to have guns in the house. Zelena had men who could kill him and Belle in an instant and, just like with Neal, make it impossible for cops to trace it back to them.

‘I can give you her current address, if you want,’ Regina continued. She wrote it down on a piece of paper. ‘As you can see, it’s on the other side of the town. Tink can give you a lift to the center, then you can catch a cab. Tink’s needed here.’

Before he knew, he was getting out of Tink’s black ford and she was handing him money for a cab. He took it automatically, too scared to feel ashamed.

The cab that he managed to catch after long fifteen minutes took him to the nice neighborhood, safe and so much Belle. The flat was at the third floor, so he gritted his teeth and began to climb.

The door was slightly open. Right then he knew that something’s wrong. That everything’s wrong. When he entered, he saw things thrown haphazardly all over the floor, the place obviously plundered. Fighting tears, he looked for any signs that Belle might have gotten away.

Zelena took her and it was all his fault. But he needed to do something. He had to. He had no idea what, or where could he find Zelena, but he remembered Neal’s phone number.

Now it was Emma’s and she was the only person who he trusted and who could reliably help, even if only a bit. He took the phone with trembling hands.

‘Emma Swan,’ he heard after a long wait for connection. She didn’t sound sleepy despite the late hour.

‘Emma!’ he cried. ‘Emma, they took Belle, I need your help, I...’

‘Whoa, stop!’ she cut in. Her voice was just as strong and commanding as he remembered and it gave him some comfort. She might not forgive him Neal’s death, but she would surely want to help Belle. Belle was innocent and in danger. ‘Who is this?’

‘Gold...’ he said quietly, holding back a sob.

‘Of course,’ Emma sighed. ‘Alright, you can calm down. Belle is with me, safe.’

Gold needed to sit down hearing that.

‘With you?...’

‘Yes, she’s sitting right here, I can see her even now. Why would you think she was kidnapped?’

Emma didn’t ask by who, Belle must have told her. Gold pushed away all the thoughts about how Emma knew now all about Gold’s fault in this, as if getting Neal killed wasn’t enough.

‘Gold?’ Emma prompted.

‘I’m in her flat. It looks like a hurricane went though it. They were here, looking for her.’

‘I see. Okay, we’ll do something about it. Give me your address, we’ll need to meet and talk strategy tomorrow.’

‘I...’ he took a shaky breath. Address.

‘Well? I’m waiting.’

‘I... I don’t have one,’ he admitted, quickly, before shame could take over. ‘I can’t go back to where I worked, I can’t risk Zelena hurting these people...’

‘Right.’ He could hear Emma thinking. ‘Fine, stay where you are, I’ll go get you first thing in the morning. Try to get some sleep.’

‘Here?... But... but it’s Belle’s flat!’

‘Yes, so what? Too untidy for you now?’

‘No! Of course no! No, never mind. I’m waiting for you here.’

’Good. ‘Till morning, then.’

Emma disconnected. Gold took a deep breath, looking around. Belle’s flat was in pieces, things, books lying everywhere. Another thing that was his fault. There was a broken vase and roses lying in the puddle of water. There was also a broken frame with his and Belle’s wedding picture. He carefully turned it, so he wouldn’t have to look at the happy couple.

Finally he just sat on the floor by the door, turning off the light. He had a few hours of waiting, thought he doubted he would be able to fall asleep. But Belle was safe. Belle was with Emma. That was all that mattered.


	15. Chapter 15

 

* * *

 

 

‘What’s the problem?’ Emma asked awfully directly, looking ahead on the road. Belle sighed, searching for right words.

‘I might be in danger from Zelena,’ she said quietly.

Emma looked at her sharply, with something animal flashing in her eyes. Right, Neal. Zelena killed Neal.

‘How it happened?’

‘I... I’m not sure. From what I understand it’s because of revenge on Robert.’

‘Where is he now?’

‘With Regina. We’re not longer married.’

Emma digested that for a moment.

‘But you’re not telling me that he is with her romantically?’

‘No! No, I don’t think so... Oh God, what if he is? That would explain why he wanted to help her so much!’

Belle felt fresh, hot tears running down her face.

‘How Zelena fits into this?’ Emma cut in.

‘Zelena did something to Regina. I’ve met Regina some time ago, didn’t know that was she. She tricked me, I helped her to the hospital as she was hurt and then she found me in the library and asked for a place to sleep. She was at my flat for one night, then left, when she saw our wedding picture... Oh Emma, what if it was because she was jealous?’

‘It’s not the most important part. And you’re telling me that you're divorced, remember?’

Belle huffed angrily as that sounded like a reproach.

‘Zelena?’ Emma prompted.

‘Regina said that Zelena wants revenge on me and Robert. Or rather on her and Robert, and I’m in danger because of them. It sounds a bit farfetched, but I believed it at first and went with Regina to her, or maybe Tink’s apartment, but there I met Robert.’

‘So?’

‘What do you mean, so? He was sitting there at home, with that horrible woman, after he destroyed our marriage!’

‘So you ran off, despite Zelena, despite the kind of neighborhood you were in, fell straight into Hook’s hands, and what were you planning in case I didn’t show up to rescue you?’

‘I would manage!’ Belle yelled, because what else was she supposed to say?

‘Yeah, right.’

‘Look, if you don’t want to help me...’

‘Then what, you’ll manage? My Henry has more sense than that, even if he’s constantly in some kind of troubles.’

‘You don’t need to rescue me. Why do you think I can’t manage, but you can?’ Belle sounded shrill and unstable even to herself, but all day’s emotions made her talk like she were drunk, with no reason to filter it first.

‘For once, because I’m a trained cop. Also, you’re thinking with your emotions, it’s clouding your judgment. Wait until we’re home, I’ll pack Henry to bed, and then we could talk about these emotions. I think it is necessary if we want to make any progress about anything.’

Belle fell silent at that, trying to tell herself that no, she is not feeling offended by what Emma said.

The flat was a nice, if a bit clumsy space. Black haired boy ran to the door when they arrived, smiling widely.

‘Hi, mom!’

‘Hi, kid. This is Belle...’

Here Emma paused, not sure how to introduce her guest, but Henry immediately connected the dots.

‘You’re grandpa Gold’s wife?’ he asked with a wide smile.

‘I... no, not anymore,’ Belle opted for honesty. ‘We divorced.’

‘Oh...’ Henry was clearly upset. ‘Why?’

And he honestly expected answer. Emma too was looking at her, waiting.

‘Well, when you’ll be older...’

‘I don’t think so,’ Henry cut in with all his mother’s bluntness. ‘It’s just you don’t want to tell.’

‘And she doesn’t have to, kid,’ Emma sighed. ‘Alright, it’s very late. You’re going to bed, Henry.’

Henry pouted, but finally Emma and Belle could sit in a small kitchen over the plate of sandwiches and cups of tea.

‘Explain it to me then,’ Emma said when they finished eating. ‘Why did you divorce?’

The explanation was long and messy and it hurt when Emma summed it up in a few words.

’So, he wanted to help Regina with unprecised something, you said no, he probably assumed you’re leaving him and thought he should let you go, fled from Victor’s house, you assumed he doesn’t want to work on your relationship and prefers to be a criminal, and then divorce just happened as a natural consequence not questioned by anyone?′

‘You don’t have to make fun of me, Emma.’

‘It’s very tempting. But okay, I gather you’re still mad at him, right?’

‘Wouldn’t you?’

‘It’s not about me. Why are you mad at him?’

‘Because I thought our marriage were something real and good, and he trashed it.’

‘Trashed it how?’

‘By returning to being criminal.’

‘You mean agreeing to help Regina? With what, again?’

‘I don’t know. But he showed up at Victor’s home with a knife wound. And then he left as quickly as he could, no explaining, no anything, just fled to get back to being criminal. And today I met him with Regina. He was walking with a cane, apparently he got hurt again working for her.’

‘So it’s about the criminal thing... I don’t understand, why would he want to go back to that, after all that Neal did to help him out?’

Belle sniffled.

‘Exactly. I think he feel stronger as a criminal and that he wanted revenge on Zelena. He mentioned that Regina had trouble with her back then.’

‘That might be something I can understand,’ Emma said in a low voice.

‘Emma, what?’ Belle exclaimed with disbelief. ‘How can you say that? Revenge is a... a bad thing.’

‘A bad thing?’ Emma repeated slowly. ‘Was that what you told your husband?’

‘Emma, you’re a cop. How can you talk like this?’

‘Belle, I don’t think you understand. It’s not all about doing it for real. It’s about how it hurt. That woman killed Neal, my husband and his son. And she didn’t answer for that. We managed to barely slap her, despite our efforts. Yes, I’m a cop, and I know how helpless police can be. I felt left alone with my grief, I felt that nobody understands how it hurt, and that nobody cares. People expected me to be strong, to carry on, to forget. I wanted to, of course, I had Henry, I needed to carry on. But I wasn’t able to do that because they expected me to, I was able because there were people, mostly my parents, that understood that it is horrible for me and didn’t forbid me to be angry.’

‘You didn’t jump on the occasion to really get the revenge.’

‘No. But if I were alone, I might have.’

‘Robert wasn’t alone. He had me. Don’t you dare to tell me it wasn’t enough. It should be enough. I wanted to be enough for him!’

At that Belle broke into regular crying fit.

‘It was all supposed to be so much better! I was supposed to have a good relationship, but I failed. And he failed me!’

‘So you both failed you?’

Belle paused, because that sounded like accusation.

‘Do you defend him, Emma?’

‘I’m trying to understand what happened and that’s not an easy thing.’

And then the phone rang.


	16. Chapter 16

 

* * *

 

 

Sitting on the hard floor of Belle’s apartment, Gold tried to compose himself enough for seeing Belle again in the morning. He didn’t want to appear either weak and needy or cold and uncaring, but to find the appropriate middle ground that would show Belle that he is ready to leave her in peace as soon as she was safe. Not that he had any idea how to actually achieve the last part short of convincing Belle to move to another state or out of States overall, but Emma always had good ideas. He allowed himself to hope that with Emma it will be fine. Of course Emma had a full right to resent him for Neal’s death, but she would help Belle and he could share with Emma all the information needed.

Then he could go back to the aunties and children. He missed them already and wondered if they are worried about him, if only a bit. If it weren’t five in the morning he would have called them, auntie Marjorie made him learn their home phone number. Maybe later in the day he would have a chance. It felt good to think about it. The youngest boy, Pete, had a loose tooth and wanted Gold’s help with pulling it out. Now the aunties would have to do, but Gold worried about the boy and his reaction to Gold’s disappearance. Pete still missed his parents, probably would be mad about Gold vanishing just like that. Now guilt crept back in. Maybe aunties too are angry with him? Why wouldn’t they, he left them suddenly, left with all the work he was supposed to do, and after they took him in so kindly. Taking deep, shuddering breath, he decided to call them at first occasion, to try to save whatever he could save, even if they didn’t want him back.

Emma came at eight o’clock in the morning.

‘Okay, Gold,’ she sighed, seeing him on the floor. ‘Enough moping. We’re going to my house, we have work to do.’

Gold nodded, thankful for her business attitude. Still, the ride was tense and when entering her apartment he felt like he would drop dead with heart attack. Belle was in here. And Henry, Neal’s beloved son whom he hasn’t seen since the funeral. Henry had to hate him for getting Neal killed, and Belle... well, Belle made it clear that she didn’t want to see him.

They were seated at the kitchen table, his wife and his grandson, playing with cards, and he let himself believe for a moment that everything is okay, that Emma and Neal had work or a date, and he and Belle were babysitting Henry. Then he felt ashamed of himself - he hurt them both in an unforgivable way. Still, he kept looking at Henry. The last time he saw him, the boy was a mere toddler. Now he was even more reminding him of Neal. Gold finally managed to move his head and look at the floor. Belle didn’t say anything, but the boy chimed the cheerful greeting.

‘Hi, grandpa.’

‘Hi, Henry,’ Gold answered tentatively, shyly looking back at the boy. Henry was smiling. Belle’s lips were but a thin, straight line, but Henry smiled at him!

‘Okay, Gold, sit down,’ Emma said brusquely. ‘We’ll start with breakfast. Then we’ll try to think how to end all this mess, and no, Henry, you’re not be here for that bit. Don’t pout, kid. You’re going to school anyway, and maybe to your other grandparents after that.’

Henry frowned anyway, then sighed.

‘You go get the bad guys whoever they are. Together, so they’ll know not to mess with Golds.’

He smiled defiantly and stubbornly, just like Neal would, despite the fact that none of the adults responded in kind.

After breakfast, before the planning begun, Gold had one more thing to do. Talking on Emma’s phone was definitely not private, not when everybody in the small flat could hear him, but he had to call aunties. Had to. So, although blushing, he waited for connection, thankful that Emma let him use her phone, and before the serious talk too.

‘Hello?’

‘Auntie Marjorie, it’s me... It’s Robert.’

‘Oh, dear! Where are you? We were all so worried.’

Gold felt a wave of relief and shame washing over him.

‘I... I’m sorry I left like that.’

‘You wrote you have to help your friend?’

‘Ah...’

‘Did you mean your former boss?’

‘Partly, but... I left because her enemy, the woman who... who killed my boy, she’s after me and Belle. I couldn’t risk you being hurt. And I have to do something...’

‘Oh, dear,’ there was a lot of compassion in auntie’s voice. ‘Be careful, please. And come back as soon as you can. We miss you.’

‘Okay... Th...thank you. I miss you too. You all. Tell children and auntie Natalie.’

‘I will. But maybe you can tell them yourself? Hold on, I’ll call them.’

For the next wonderful ten minutes Gold talked to each child and to both aunties. He almost cried hearing them asking when he would be back and telling them all the small but very important things that happened, like how aunties helped Pete to pull out his first loose tooth this morning.

He missed them so much, no matter that they saw each other just yesterday. It was the thought that he might not see them again.

‘Who were you talking to?’

He turned around to see Belle with a wary but curious expression on her face.

‘N-no matter,’ he said automatically, hoping she didn’t see the tears in his eyes. He didn’t know why, but he was afraid of talking about aunties with Belle. Or anybody else.

He only made small exception with Emma, out of necessity. Before they sat down to plan what to do, he approached her.

‘Emma,’ he gave her the piece of paper with address scribbled on. ‘Please, if anything happens to me, call them. They helped me, gave me work and...’ He wasn’t sure what else to say, but Emma nodded and took the paper.

‘Okay, we need the plan,’ Emma said, slamming the paper and pen onto the kitchen table. ’I can contact captain Merlin from Prohibition Unit, but first I want to know what can I offer him. Gold, the easiest way is to make a ride and clean the speakeasy.′

Gold shook his head.

‘Even Regina couldn’t tell you now where it is. That’s the point, they constantly changing the place, roughly once every two months, or when someone is getting suspicious. It’s not that difficult to move the furniture and decorations. Their patrons are wealthy enough to not be numerous and still make profit, this also means that they don’t need a big local. Wealthy and dangerous, including many women... Well, women like Cruella deVil, did you hear about her?’

Emma nodded.

‘With a small circle like that, it’s easy to keep the secret. The patrons are minding their own dark businesses and ain’t going to talk with police. The speakeasy is also a place for them to do business.’

‘But maybe Regina could convince someone...’

Gold cut her quickly.

‘Regina will not do anything to jeopardize the speakeasy itself. It’s hers. She only wants Zelena and her minions out.’

‘What about that Dove, your friend, who gets Regina information?’

‘He would be loyal to her first, that’s the way it works.’

‘We need to know where they meet,’ Emma said. ‘We need a good ruse.’

Gold bit his lips. Finally, he admitted:

‘I might have an idea. There are several nights during the year when the party is at one specific location every year, and I think Zelena wouldn’t change the tradition. It’s New Year soon, and the party is thrown at the Mills Mansion. We would need someone from the inside to let the police in. Regina’s mother built a labyrinth under that house and blind ride might not work. It was Cora Mills that founded The Enchanted Forest speakeasy, she was killed a year or so after I started to work for the speakeasy.’

‘That sounds good,’ Emma nodded. ‘This way we can catch them red handed at their own place. New Year party would also gather more patrons than usual and from what you’ve said I gather that there could be many people wanted by the police otherwise.’

‘But we need a help of someone Zelena doesn’t know. Someone brave with quick mind. I believe that with just enough wit, we can get him or her invited. And then that person would let the police in.’

Emma smiled.

‘I know just the one. Let me call Merida MacAllister.’


	17. Chapter 17

 

* * *

 

 

Belle was sitting at the kitchen table, playing with pen and feeling miserably. When did her life turned into exactly what it wasn’t supposed to be?

Robert fell asleep in the armchair, while trying to look invisible. Emma went to the police station to talk with her police fellows about the plan. The plan that was Robert’s plan, and that reminded her once again that her ex-husband is a criminal and a deceptive, cunning man. Thanks to him, she was hiding from some crazy woman, who proved capable of killing, while she was supposed to have normal life, going to work, meet a nice man and have a real family. Be a responsible adult and making decisions for herself. She should do something but all she did was to allow Emma and Robert decide about everything, including the fact that she was staying at Emma’s, while Robert would go this evening to this Merida MacAllister, who apparently had a spare room despite living with three brothers.

Belle called Ruby to let her know she’s staying at Emma’s but omitting everything that happened since previous evening. Ruby would worry and that wasn’t helpful. It would be nice to hear that someone is worried, but Ruby would think that Belle needs protection. And Bell had enough of that pointed at her. She didn’t want anyone else regarding her as a helpless girl that had to be taken care of. Still, she promised to be at Ruby’s for Christmas dinner, and that was only in a few days. Belle hoped it would be calm at least, but with Granny that wasn’t exactly probable.

She wondered what Robert would be doing during Christmas. Would he go to this mysterious ‘auntie’ he was talking to? He didn’t want to explain and Belle only hoped that this wasn’t some sort of code with which he was communicating with Regina. Though the longer Belle thought about this, it was making more and more sense. He wanted some information from Regina perhaps. Should Belle warn Emma to not trust him?

Emma herself got back home late in the evening.

‘Merida is waiting for you, Gold. Remember to tell her as much as you can about Mills Mansion and speakeasy. In two days we put her in contact with Mal.’

Robert nodded. Belle sighed. She knew only that Mal is one of speakeasy patrons, and has daughter in trouble in Emma’s custody. For setting Lily free, Mal agreed to introduce Merida to speakeasy. Robert said that Mal didn’t have any warm feelings about Zelena, and that the deal would be safe. But what if it was some plan on his own, worked out with Regina?

Robert followed Emma, glancing once at Henry’s game left on the table.

‘Henry is at my parents’, safe’ Emma said, seeing his gaze.

Robert nodded.

‘Good, that’s good.’

He didn’t look in Belle’s direction and she felt like a pathetic idiot, waiting for some sign that he still cares about her, despite hurting her like that. She should be able to, well... to not be here in the first place. She could imagine what her parents would say, lamenting about her getting in such troubles, such danger, when she had all possibilities to have good, safe life.

Emma and Henry were spending Christmas with Emma’s parents, and before that, Emma dropped Belle off at Ruby’s. Belle still wasn’t sure what she should tell Ruby. She didn’t want to look like a stupid girl, who gets in trouble the minute no one’s looking at her. It was enough that Emma listened to her suspicions about Robert’s plan and disregarded them. Well, not directly, but saying that she would remember about that in a way that wasn’t very assuring.

Ruby’s flat was drenched in dozens delicious smells, which distracted Belle for a moment. Granny was reigning over the kitchen, and being hugged by her, pressed into greasy, but not really dirty apron, felt nice. Ruby dragged Belle to the table where they both started to peel vegetables and do whatever Granny told them she needed. Victor was busy installing Christmas tree and apparently pretty glad to not be in the same room as Granny. He didn’t hide his wary glances toward the matron as good as he thought.

After whole day of preparations everybody was tired. Belle tried to keep herself from yawning, when they sat at the table. The food, though, smelled delicious. Everybody just ate at first, talking, or even thinking, was difficult with full mouth.

‘We’re very glad you are with us, Belle,’ Granny said finally, smiling at her over dessert.

Belle smiled back and thanked politely.

‘I didn’t have an occasion to tell you how happy I am that you left that good-for-nothing husband of yours.’

‘Granny...’ Ruby hissed, and Victor looked to the ceiling like impatiently asking for some miraculous divine intervention.

Belle remained silent, because she wasn’t sure what to say to make Granny change the subject faster. Also, she was afraid that she’d burst with all the anger and sadness, and that wasn’t something she wanted to do. She was supposed to be rational, calm and to not let people provoke her into something she didn’t want to do.

‘He wouldn’t make you happy. You are lucky, you understood that. Mafia husband isn’t good at all.’

Victor didn’t even bat and eye, out of sheer habit perhaps, but Ruby glanced at him briefly, a bit afraid. Of him or for him?

‘Now we can look around for another husband for you, Belle,’ Granny smiled and that did it.

‘I don’t need help with that, Granny.’

‘Nonsense, we just need to make sure he’s not as untrustworthy and devious as the previous one.’

‘Granny, there’s no need for that,’ Belle replied with somewhat more force behind it. Granny frowned.

‘Don’t forget I knew your parents, Belle. They would want you to be happy!’

Given the tone of her voice, Granny might have as well added ‘you should be ashamed of yourself, girl’, Belle thought bitterly.

‘Belle,’ Ruby said soothingly. ‘We just want you to be happy with a good man, to know that you don’t have to sacrifice yourself for any... you know. You’re amazing as you are. You don’t need him. You’ve already sacrificed too much for him.’

Belle forced back the tears. She felt numb and furious at the same time.

‘I think... I think you are talking about some other Belle. The one you made up for your own purposes, to take care of her like a stupid but sweet child who can’t tell right from wrong.’

‘Belle!’ Ruby exclaimed, obviously hurt.

‘That’s rubbish!’ Granny exclaimed at the same moment.

‘Really? Well, maybe you just treat everyone like that. But why is it that no one here asked me what I want or feel? Ruby, you did it at first, but now? Am I really that stupid that I have to be watched all the time and told what I should or shouldn’t do?’

The last words came out more tired and sad than angry. Belle excused herself and went out on the small balcony. It felt good to tell all that aloud, but she hoped it was still possible to mend relationship with both women. She didn’t want to lose anyone else, especially not Ruby.

Some time later she heard the door squeak. To her surprise it was Victor.

‘I think you can do whatever you like, Belle,’ he said quickly, raising his hands in the universal gesture of ‘don’t shoot’.

‘Oh? So you’re not here to save me from Robert?’

‘No. Just to give some perspective. Granny’s husband beat her. Hard and for the slightest things. It must have been a relief when he was finally stricken by a heart attack. She was supposed to endure it because that’s what women should do, bow down to the male superiority.’ Victor grimaced. ‘Then Ruby’s mom ran away with a gangster. It was Ruby’s father. He was killed and his boss made Ruby's mom work for him. Then Ruby too, thankfully nothing criminal, just as a waitress, though in their speakeasy after prohibition started. You know that part. Yes, Granny can hurt you by being overprotective, controlling and by seeing men as egoistical, violent and condescending. But she’s doing all she can to do the right thing. Even if she’s making mistakes. And in too many cases she would be right. She never had a chance to see her daughter again, you know?’

‘Am I supposed to feel guilty now?’ Belle asked haughtily, despite compassion for Granny worming its way in.

‘No. Just maybe a little less angry, but it’s not mandatory.’

‘And Robert? What do you think of him?’

‘I think that deep down he would give much to have someone protecting him like Granny and Ruby protect you. And that he probably think it’s his fault that no one wants to be that friend for him.’

‘I wanted to be that friend,’ Belle whispered.

‘That’s not something I feel qualified to comment on. But I know that he’s not a man like Granny’s husband. If he does something wrong it’s not because he thinks he’s superior. Quite the opposite in fact. And I don’t know how much he told you about his first wife, but she didn’t hold her punches ever. Yet, for Granny, it’s only men who are hurting women, never the other way round. It would be impossible to have both sexes well-meaning but fallible, where sometimes it’s the woman who can really hurt men.’

The last words had bitterness and force behind them, and Belle realized that now Victor are talking about his own experiences with Granny. She didn’t dare to ask for more details. And she realized also that she doubted in Victor’s words. What if he was telling her this to gain some undeserved sympathy after something he did to Ruby, and Granny taught him a lesson? He said it himself – fallible. Did he hurt Ruby?

It all left her with a painful chaos in her head. This evening she was sleeping on the cot, next to the sofa that was temporarily Granny’s bed. Listening to the snoring of old woman, Belle tried to decide for herself who was telling the truth, who wasn’t distorting the reality, purposefully or out of egoistical viewpoint, and she still couldn’t decide. But she had to, if not, then she would have to avoid all and every man and woman from now on. She was supposed to find trustworthy people, recognize them and trust them. Why didn’t it work? At all? Not with Robert, not with Granny, Victor, _Lana_... And Ruby? She meant well, but she was influenced by Granny. Though perhaps Belle could just talk to Ruby, tell her about all these doubts, maybe clear some of them. Yet, even with Ruby, Belle wasn’t sure anymore that she’d believe what she’d hear.


	18. Chapter 18

 

* * *

 

 

Merida MacAllister had orange, bright, curly hair that set the tone for the overall theme of energy, and Gold felt intimidated just looking at her, especially when her blue and green flapper dress reminded him of a police uniform.

Merida packed him into her car and Gold barely had the time to hear Emma’s warning to behave himself before the car pulled off. Merida was looking at him curiously, but didn’t comment on anything until they were in her apartment.

‘Okay, so this is your room. Usually we have a tenant here, you’re lucky it’s free.’

She showed him to the tiny space occupied by the bed and a small shelf.

‘Thank you,’ he said politely.

‘I guess you can help yourself to the things in bathroom. It’s here. Here are my room and my brothers’ room, so don’t go in there. Here’s the kitchen. I have a night shift, so you are making breakfast. Boys have to go to school at seven thirty, so be ready with food on seven top.′

‘Of course.’

‘Then you’re free for now. I have to go to work now. We’ll talk about Emma’s plan tomorrow.’

‘Okay.’

Merida rolled her eyes in response to his meek tone, but left him alone. Gold quickly washed himself and once in his room, stripped himself down to the underwear and hid under the blankets.

He couldn’t forget how sad Belle looked at the kitchen table, when he stole a glance in her direction. Sure, he knew that she wouldn’t want him to stare at her and this only made Gold feel more pathetic and helpless. After all, he was never able to help anybody or to give people enough to prevent them from leaving him.

He figured he could just enjoy the time while he had them, but it hurt every time to watch them leave. Starting with his mother that died when he was four - he did whatever he could have think of, but she didn’t get better and one day his father told him that mom didn’t wake up and that they weren’t going to see her in the hospital. Now he realized of course that there really wasn’t anything that could be done, but the childish disappointment didn’t left him to this day. Then his father was turning more and more demanding, despite Robert’s doubled efforts and finally left him too, simply leaving him at the orphanage doorsteps – not as nice orphanage as Aunties’ place, but still a relatively safe one. Then Milah left him for Killian Jones, then he lost Neal, and that hurt most, the guilt almost not allowing him to breathe, and then finally he lost Belle, again making everything worse. He forced himself to not look at Belle anymore when he followed Emma to the car, and Henry’s toys helped with that, although bringing regret all on its own.

He snapped awake at five o’clock in the morning, not remembering where he was and why Belle wasn’t there beside him. Then he realized he dreamed her again - another light dream where he felt happy and safe, with a dreadful awakening when he realized that all this was lost. It was almost worse than regular nightmares, especially the dreams where Belle and Neal were both happy and with him. Perhaps he would have to really go away, abroad, when all this would end, because he felt like a complete monster even thinking of Belle returning to him and once again sacrificing herself, exposing herself to be hurt by him. And yet he still wished for Belle to be there, to still be his support, while he should rather think what he could do for her.

Sleep was out of question now and there was a long time until he was supposed to get up and make breakfast. He would gladly read a book, he thought suddenly, a fairy tale book, something with a villain being helped into good, happy life by a woman, something like Beauty and the Beast, but then even wanting to read such a story with a happy ending made him feel like a true monster, egoistical and dangerous. He couldn’t be trusted with Belle, or any other woman - not that he’d want any other. Sooner or later he would do something out of weakness, like helping Regina out of old friendship mixed with fear. He could promise anything and no matter how sincere, sooner or later, the weakness and cowardice would take over. No, no more trusting himself, he would disappear and he wouldn’t have to fear that he’d harm Belle anymore. Then he could read all the fairy tales he’d want. It would be his comfort and a guilty pleasure, but away from Belle he wouldn’t have to worry.

He got to the kitchen half past six, unable to sit in bed, and was glad that he did so when he discovered that nothing is where he would think to look for it. Pans and pots were put away in a cupboard furthest from the stove, plates and cups put on every shelf possible but not having one of their own, and food ingredients were mixed and stashed all around the kitchen too as there were no pantry. Finding simply eggs and butter took him full ten minutes and almost a panic attack. But when a redhead boy, around fifteen years old Gold supposed, came to the kitchen, Gold could assure him that breakfast would be ready in five minutes. Then the boy said he was just going to bathroom, but not even five seconds later he peeked in again, asking about food. Surprised, Gold just repeated that it would be served in five minutes. Seeing the boy again after another five seconds made him feel surreal and afraid that this is all a sort of an elaborate joke at his expense. Blushing and stammering, he repeat ‘five minutes’ for the third time.

In five minutes time exactly three identical redheads entered the kitchen, all of them in same school uniforms instead of same pajamas, and Gold couldn’t help but sigh in relief. He promptly served them scrambled eggs and toast, along with hot milk. To his further relief, brothers concentrated on wolfing down the food – and Gold made lots of it, remembering how much a teenage boy can eat – leaving him alone and treating without surprise or distrust. Merida must have told them who he was, and that was a good thing, seeing as he felt too shy and embarrassed about having to hide here to properly introduce himself. The triplets left soon, carrying sandwiches made by Gold earlier, and leaving blessed solitude and no food behind.

Gold helped himself to a bit of scrambled eggs he left on the pan earlier and set to clean the kitchen. He was in a process of moping up the floor, when a phone rang. It could have been Emma, so after a moment of hesitation, he answered.

‘...Is this Merida’s flat?’ a surprised, booming voice asked.

‘Y-yes, Merida is at work now, she’ll be home soon,’ Gold answered quickly. Definitely not Emma.

‘And you are?...’

‘Robert Gold.’

‘Ah,’ the voice said and disconnected. Gold swore to not pick up the phone again, Emma could call later, when Merida would be home.

Merida came back three hours later, when Gold managed to polish the kitchen (not changing anything in how things were placed), bathroom, corridor and his room, because it seemed like a right thing to do in exchange for Merida’s hospitality. She could have a paying tenant and instead she had him – along with all the troubles with speakeasy.

‘Bloody hell, Gold, seriously?’ Merida whistled, looking around and Gold felt anxious. Maybe he shouldn’t have touched anything? Maybe he was supposed to just sit in his room?

‘I...’

‘I wouldn’t mind to have you around more often if you’re going to surprise me like that. Oh, my dad called me at work. What did you tell him? He was almost certain that I got married to you without notifying my next of kin.’

‘Nothing!’ Gold panicked. So it was Merida’s father. ‘I just told him you’re working and he asked about my name, so I told him and he disconnected!’

Merida looked at him funny.

‘Calm down, Gold. My parents live at the countryside, he’s not going to come here and fight with you. He wouldn’t anyway. So, do you have any food left?’

‘Nno, but I’ll make something.’

‘Okay, do it.’ Merida paused on her way to bathroom. ‘Then I’ll take a nap, and then we’ll work on the plan in more details.’

Gold nodded quickly and limped to the kitchen, thanking gods that there were three eggs left and he didn’t have too look around for any new food ingredients.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess it still can be a little spoiler, but we're more or less in the middle of the story. ;)

 

* * *

 

 

The atmosphere became lighter when Granny left on the 28 December, her parting words to Belle being that if she didn’t want Granny to help her find a good man, then there is nothing wrong with being alone, as long as she’s not with someone like Robert again. Even if everybody pretended that the quarrel didn’t have place, it still hung in the air. Despite her plans, Belle hadn't had the courage to talk with either Ruby or Granny, but now, with Granny gone, she felt it should be easier.

Victor was at work, so the coast was clear. Belle and Ruby sat down over the steaming tea and they both knew without saying that it would be that serious talk.

‘I’m sorry for that outburst, Ruby. But I really felt hurt.’

‘Belle,’ Ruby said with her most concerned face. ‘I didn’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry if I did. It’s just I think you shouldn’t have started the relationship to change Robert, to expect miracles because you were together. It never works like that. You’re love isn’t enough to change him, no matter how good it seems to be at the beginning. Sacrificing yourself for him is not going to work and I don't want you to get hurt.’

Belle looked at her baffled. Of all things that were part of her marriage, this wasn’t it. And it hurt that apparently all these years her best friend considered her husband someone bad and in need of change, but didn’t say a word. Ruby had her own experience with her parents, no doubt, but it still hurt. Even if now Belle was angry about Ruby talking too much for a change. And even if Robert at the end proved to be that someone bad.

‘Ruby,’ she said slowly. ’I didn’t. And the ‘beginning’, well, it was four years of that beginning you’re talking about, just until now. Marrying him I was completely glad to have him as he was. I didn’t try to raise him up to be a good man or good husband or anything like that. I didn’t see the need.′

‘Then why did you divorce him?’ Ruby challenged.

‘Because he proved to be untrustworthy, to be someone different that I thought he was. It wasn’t that he was supposed to change and he didn’t. Or if you prefer, that was already done after he left the speakeasy and met me. I just helped him to deal with aftermath, with what happened to Neal. Only now he proved to not be what I thought he was.’

Ruby frowned, but asked.

‘And you thought that he was what?’

Belle frowned too, because she didn’t have an answer ready.

‘Well... I guess I thought that he wouldn’t do something to hurt me. Not that serious, not anything in fact.’

Ruby waited, so Belle tried to elaborate.

‘I mean... I was hurt because he did something that he knew I wouldn’t approve of. And it was something serious, he went back to his criminal boss and helped her. He knew I wouldn’t approve, and he did it. How could I trust him after that? And he didn’t want to explain himself. If I stayed I would be that naïve, stupid girl, that is able to sacrifice herself for nothing. In fact, I did everything I could to avoid that fruitless quest to change a man with my love.’

Ruby frowned, not looking Belle in the eyes.

‘Then what do you want from me and Granny?’ she asked, sounding unsure and hurt. ‘You don’t want to be with him, we don’t want you to be with him, why isn’t it okay?’

‘Because it’s different when someone is telling you what to do, and when you’re doing what you want to do.’

Ruby sighed. And blushed.

‘Belle... well, there is something that we didn’t tell you. Now I feel bad about it, but it was to protect you.’

Belle felt instinctive dread and protest, but forced herself to listen.

‘It... it was some time ago. Not much really. Gold wrote a letter to you, addressed to us, because he didn’t know your address. I... at first I threw it out, then dug out of trash can, went to where Gold was living, and told him that he shouldn’t mess with you. He told me then to not tell you anything, and, well, I didn’t... I just wish he never wrote that letter. He really should have known better.’

Belle was silent, just trying to process the news. What would he write? Excuses? Apologies? Incentives to get her back? Was it sincere or out of his desires and fears?

‘There’s also the second thing...’ Ruby said quietly, and Belle raised her brows. ‘Granny... you know that Granny is a nurse, sure you know. Well, she had Gold in her ward, after he broke his leg. She told me about him, how he broke it himself to make you feel guilty and force you to go back to him.’

‘What?...’ Belle whispered. ‘He did that?...’

Part of her desperately wanted to believe that it would be enough to trust Granny, to not have doubts, because doubts made her self-destructive and stupid, while she should be looking after herself. She should be strong and throw away people that were hurting her, and those were Robert and Lana, all this criminal nightmare. She could stay with Ruby and Granny, she could be safe. Ruby was right, she should take care of herself first. But she missed what she had with Robert. She remembered Lana’s questions from hospital. Out of the long list of how her husband could hurt her, only the demand, and not even a straight demand, to agree to something she was uncomfortable with fitted, and that was going back to his criminal boss and expecting Belle to not protest. Or even protest but forgive. And in that moment all these years of good, equal relationship crumbled into distrust. Belle felt left out and unimportant, stupid for believing what he was to her, not what he was in reality. And he didn’t explain himself enough, didn’t have a good explanation. But maybe it was just her fear that she couldn’t tell a good explanation from bad? That if he didn’t have something really convincing, then she shouldn’t trust him? And he was just crying and telling what he did, that Regina was his friend, that police wouldn’t help, that it was a chance to avenge Neal, and nothing sounded good to her. She didn’t get any explanation and she deserved one. His cry for pity when he was at fault wasn’t even justified.

‘That letter, do you have it?’

Ruby nodded.

‘Are you really sure you want to read it?’

‘I’m sure I want to have it, Ruby.’

Few hours later, Belle, with an unread letter in her purse, was driven by Victor to Emma’s home. Belle hoped she didn’t look guilty. She actually asked Ruby about Victor, about the truth, why his relationship with Granny is like it is. Ruby confirmed Victor’s words, looking sad that her husband and her grandmother couldn’t reach an understanding, and also surprised about the question. Belle wasn’t feeling paranoid enough to look further for a double meanings and hidden hurts. That, however, made reading the letter even more difficult. What if there was an explanation and a good one? So good that it would convince her into believing Robert, or in Robert, against Granny’s words and experiences, against all advice she’s got from almost everybody, into risking being hurt again? She didn’t want to be hurt. Wasn’t she supposed to be smart and avoid being hurt? In books, telling bad character from a good one was so much easier. Why did it have to be so complicated with people? Why did she have to be so afraid of doing something stupid, of making mistake and having to pay for it? Why was a mistake so probable, wasn’t she believing in herself enough to be sure she’d recognize when things are getting hopeless?

Back in Emma’s flat, she looked again at the letter, still inside a glued envelope. Reading that felt like cheating all of a sudden, especially when he asked Ruby to not tell her about the letter after all. If she was supposed to learn something, she could learn it more directly by talking to Robert. If he’d want to, but Belle felt rather sure he would. He might protest, but he wanted her, although he wanted her and his criminal ways both, and that simply wouldn’t work. But talk he would. Maybe he would be able to tell her something that he didn’t tell her previously. There must have been something if he wrote the letter. And if not, then she always could read the thing afterward.

Belle decided. Emma told her that Robert didn’t spend Christmas with Merida, but there was a return address on the envelope, as if he was inviting her indirectly. She had a feeling that it was where this mysterious ‘auntie’ lived, that he was there as well and if Ruby was there, then it was safe. How silly, she didn’t ask Ruby about any details. But soon she could see for herself.


	20. Chapter 20

 

* * *

 

 

Christmas was tomorrow and it would be incredibly lonely at Merida’s flat. Merida herself, along with her three brothers, was going to her parent’s cottage. Gold politely declined the invitation, there was no sense in disrupting the family’s peace with his presence. Emma and Henry were going to Emma’s parents, and anyway, Emma didn’t even suggest that he could go with them. He was looking at a lonely few days, but at least he learned from Emma that Belle was spending the holidays with Ruby. That made him feel calmer about her and a little less guilty than if Belle was spending the Christmas alone.

The evening on 24 December, Gold was sitting alone in the flat, looking at the phone and wondering if Merida would be cross if he used it to call Aunties. She didn’t need to know at all, right? He reached for the phone, then, changing his mind abruptly, took a deep breath, put on his coat, closed the door, and went out on the street. Aunties didn’t live nearby, but no matter, he could walk. He scribbled a quick note for Merida before leaving the flat, just in case, out of hope, even if he planned to only visit aunties briefly.

An hour later he was standing on the pavement, looking in aunties’ windows. Most of them were dark, at this time the children were in bed. But there was a gentle light of the lamp in the kitchen, where Auntie Marjorie and Auntie Natalie were often drinking tea and talking at evenings. He wondered if they put the presents in children’s socks yet.

Taking deep breath and reminding himself that it’s just for a moment and that it shouldn’t endanger them further if so, he knocked to the door.

At first nothing happened and he almost turned and went away. Then he heard footsteps, then crack of the eyehole, and suddenly the door flew open and he was in Auntie Marjorie arms. Auntie Natalie joined them as soon as she put the heavy candelabra down.

‘Robert, where have you been? We were worried! Are you alright? Come in, sit, we have tea.’

He was almost dragged to the kitchen, dimly lit by the one, old lamp, warm and familiar. Here he cried that first day he spent at aunties’ and he felt tears rushing to his eyes again, but this time it was out of relief that he is welcomed in such a wonderful place.

‘Are you here for long?’ Auntie Natalie asked, putting a cup of steaming tea in front of him.

‘I... don’t know.’ Gold looked down, avoiding her gaze. ‘I wish, it’s just... I’m afraid she would hurt you somehow.’

‘She being who?’ Auntie Marjorie asked.

‘The woman who killed my son...’ Gold’s voice trembled. Aunties reached for him at the same time, each taking one of his hands. ‘She became powerful. She’s my old boss’ sister, took everything from my boss and now she wants to complete her revenge I think. She threatened Belle. She’s been quiet for past few days, but you never know with her... I have no idea if she knows about you, but...′

‘You wouldn’t want to risk, of course. It would be different if it was just us, but there are children to think about. ’

‘Yes.’

‘What now, Robert?’ Auntie Natalie asked quietly. ‘You can’t live running from that woman forever .’

‘I spoke to my daughter in law, Emma. She’s a policewoman. She contacted cops for me, there are plans... We plan to take Zelena down on her New Year party. I hope it would work. I don’t know what to do otherwise. I don’t know...’

‘Hush, hush, sweetheart,’ Auntie Marjorie sat closer and put her arm around Gold’s shoulders. ‘It will all work out, honey. You’ll see...’

A loud thud interrupted them. All three jumped in their seats.

‘Oh God, no, it’s her!...’ Gold whimpered. ‘I’m so sorry...’

‘Hush, boy,’ Auntie Natalie stood up. ‘You don’t know that.’

‘I think something hit the front door, though,’ Auntie Marjorie stood up too. They both marched decisively in that direction, Gold left behind, too flabbergasted for a moment to move. He got up and got to the front door just in time to see Auntie Natalie retrieving a stone wrapped up in paper from the porch.

‘I hope we won’t have to repaint the doors,’ she observed drily.

‘What is it?...’ Gold asked faintly.

‘Well, it’s addressed to you,’ Auntie Natalie gave him the crushed envelope she unpacked from the bundle.

Another terrible possibility raced through Gold’s head. Zelena had Belle and was sending her ultimatum to him. With trembling hands he grabbed the letter.

‘Robert, dearest,’ he read aloud and cringed in disgust. ‘I wouldn’t want you to miss having Christmas with your new family. Your pretty ex-wife is also safe for this happy, holiday time. I, however, would hate you to forget about me. I really hope you are thinking about me often. You rejected my offer when I made it in shaggy, little speakeasy behind the bar, but maybe Emerald Castles lost behind Oz Caffe aren’t as persuasive as whole Enchanted Forest at my beck and call. You’ve seen me beating Regina down. You’ve seen me taking life of your son from you. Wait for my next letter and be ready to do as I say, or you will see something you wouldn’t ever want to see. Love, Zelena Mills, Enchanted Forest owner.’

Gold’s trembling legs gave up then and he sat heavily on the little table as the corridor didn’t have any more furniture.

‘What an awful woman!’ Auntie Marjorie spat out. Auntie Natalie looked thoughtful.

‘You know, Robert,’ she said slowly. ‘You just have another evidence against her if your daughter in law and her police forces will catch her.’

Gold looked up at her, mouth open.

‘Yes... Yes, I suppose...’ he stammered. ‘Whatever she would want me to do...’

‘Okay, honey,’ Aunt Marjorie took his arm. ‘Now, you are going to call your daughter in law, tell her about this. She’s running the show, she should know immediately, and besides,’ she said louder, preventing him from protesting, ‘there’s no good time to call anyway, today or tomorrow, no difference, might as well do it now. Then you are getting nice, light supper and going to bed. The bright side of this disgusting message is also that you can spend the whole Christmas with us. We will worry about the rest when it happens. Understood?’

Gold nodded, then reach for auntie Marjorie with both arms, just like little Pete would do.

‘There, there, honey,’ she said fondly, hugging him and patting his head. He didn’t care if anyone would think he was childish or weak. They were his aunties. This was okay.

And the next day, waking up early and wandering to the room where childrens’ socks were hung by the fireplace, he was greeted by enthusiastic exclamations, unholy ruckus when Dorothy and Anthony were calling for the rest of children, a lot of laughter and a moniker of a big, Christmas surprise. For some reason Pete was happily climbing his lap, no fuss about the whole disappearance, and even if it were his last few happy days, even if he was going to die at Zelena’s hands soon, this was happiness that more than made up for it. If only Belle could be with him too. At the back of his mind there was a terrifying thought that he was not going to see Belle again before he had to do what Zelena would have him to do in exchange for not harming his family.


	21. Chapter 21

 

* * *

 

 

Belle felt rather silly knocking to the front door of the pink, Victorian house. Was this really the right address? The place was looking rich, though the door bore a large patch of peeled off paint in the center, which gave it somewhat irritated vibe.

An older lady opened the door, dressed in well-made, albeit rather old fashioned clothes. She smiled at Belle, asking how could she help.

‘I... I’m Belle French...’

‘Oh!’ the woman still looked at her kindly, though mostly with a surprise. ‘Did you come to see Robert?’

‘Yes?’ Belle cringed when that sounded like a question. But she couldn’t hide her nerves.

‘Well, come in, I’ll tell him you came. Oh, and I’m Auntie Marjorie.’

Belle was led into a cozy living room, light and full of small trinkets and photos. One photo, looking like the newest one, caught her attention immediately. It was a group picture – the lady that answered the door, another elder woman looking very much alike, eight children of different age and gender... and Robert. Robert was smiling a bit nervously, but with that endearing wonderment, as if witnessing something awe-inspiring. Perhaps being part of such a group...

‘Belle? Did something happen?’

Robert’s voice was hoarse, when he called to her from the door. She turned to him quickly.

‘I came to talk,’ she explained quickly.

‘Talk?’ he eyed her suspiciously, and when she came closer, she could see that he’s gripping his cane for the dear life.

‘I feel that there are too many unexplained things between us...’ she started, wriggling her hands together. ‘I mean... Ruby told me about the letter.’

He cringed.

‘I’m sorry, Belle. She told me the truth, I had no right to...’ he made a weak gesture with his left hand. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Well, but there was something you wanted to tell me, right? I want to hear what it is.’

She thought she was phrasing it gently, but Robert looked at her like scolded child.

‘Belle...’

‘Yes? Robert, talk to me.’

‘No, I mean... What would you want me to say?’

Belle could feel her patience stretching.

‘Whatever you wanted to tell me?’

‘Ruby didn’t tell you?...’

Belle frowned.

‘She didn’t read the letter, how could you think she did? I didn’t read it too, I wanted to really talk, for once.’

She could see tears forming in his eyes and felt just like that first day of troubles, when he admitted he was helping Regina.

‘What for?’ Robert sounded desperate. ‘What good can it do?’

Again, she felt like that naïve, lied to woman. He was evading, wanting to hide from her something bad he did. She put all her strength into not marching away this second.

‘I want to understand, Robert. I need to understand. You managed to make me doubt in almost everything I knew about people and myself. I need to learn more.’

Robert took a step back and she realized she raised her voice rather considerably. But it was so important to her!

‘Robert, please, don’t cry, just talk,’ she begged, or demanded, she wasn’t sure because he suddenly turned around and run away. He made a beeline for the kitchen.

‘I can’t talk with her!’ Robert cried, apparently unaware that she followed him when he dashed out of the room. Through the crack in the door she saw him almost throwing himself at Auntie Marjorie’s neck. The other older lady from the picture was standing next to her, frowning but rubbing Robert’s back reassuringly.

‘Shh, shh, one step at the time, honey. Maybe you can talk about something easier at the beginning?’

‘No, no, no...’

Belle realized that he was fully crying, his voice thick and heavy.

‘Okay,’ Auntie Marjorie sighed. ‘Then do you want us to talk to her? Tell her to come later?’

Robert nodded weakly.

‘Or...’ he said suddenly. ‘No, wait. Maybe... she would stay? Just... yes, slowly? Ask her to talk slowly?’

It was said with such a childish naivete that it sounded almost endearing.

‘Alright, I’ll talk to her. Take your time, dear,’ the other lady said and quickly emerged from kitchen, frowning again when she saw Belle. She gestured towards the living room and Belle quietly followed her there.

‘I’m Auntie Natalie,’ the older lady said, when they both were seated. ‘I and my sister are running this little orphanage. I told the children to stay upstairs and behave, but I’m not sure how long they will be able to do so.’

‘Oh,’ Belle managed to say.

‘Do you know how it happened that Robert is living with us?’

Belle shook her head, hoping that she would finally learn that.

‘When he was released from the hospital he didn’t really have any place to go. He helped Marjorie and she invited him for tea. Marjorie has a good intuition about people in need. We offered him a place to live in exchange for help with some minor works in home and the garden. He quickly became like out ninth child.’

Belle smiled despite herself, because of obvious fondness and warmth in Auntie Natalie’s voice.

‘He was a mess back then,’ the other lady sighed, ‘and he still isn’t in the best form. As you perhaps heard, I’m to ask on his behalf to take this talk a little slower.’

Belle felt a bit chastised and didn’t like it.

‘I just want to explain some things. Nothing more.’

‘You mean you want him to explain those things for you.’ Auntie Natalie sighed again. ‘I don’t think he is able to talk to you like you want him to. Not yet anyway.’

‘Then how do you talk to him?’ Belle asked bitterly. ‘He apparently talked more to you during these few weeks than with me during a few years of marriage.’

‘Oh,’ Auntie Natalie smiled a crooked smile. ‘Mostly like we talk with our other children. But what works for two old aunties doesn’t necessarily work for a couple, unfortunately. I’d say treat him with patience, like everything that is scared and lost.’

‘How is it that I need to treat him like he was about to break any moment, when it’s him who’s at fault?’

Something dangerous flashed in auntie’s eyes.

‘If you want to blame him until he’s ready to pour out his soul to you, then you don’t need to bother. It’s not going to work and we won’t let you do it anyway.’

‘I’m not going to coddle him, I’m not that... that naïve!’ Belle heard her voice cracking. ‘I’m not that stupid! He was strong enough to run off to Regina, strong enough to hurt me, and now he’s not strong enough to simply talk?’

‘Is there really something like simply talking?’ auntie Natalie asked. ‘I’m telling you that demanding answers isn’t going to work. And by demanding I mean also expecting him to have reasonable, adult conversation. He’s scared like hell that you are going to be even more disappointed and hurt by what he’d say. You won’t get any answers from him when he’s that scared. Repeating that you deserve these answers isn’t going to change that, no matter if it’s true, and yes, I think it is. But he shouldn’t get hurt even more in the process.’

‘Hurt?’ Belle cringed. ‘Am I really able to hurt him?’

‘You doubt that?’

‘Yes,’ Belle realized that indeed, she doubted that very much. ‘I... I feel like it’s only me that has to be careful to not get hurt. By him, or other people... men...’

Auntie Natalie smiled sadly, losing all her threatening and protective look.

‘It may feel so,’ she admitted. ‘But anyone can get hurt.’

Belle felt tears stinging her eyes.

‘It doesn’t seem probable.’

The older woman just looked at her, with sincere interest, and it might have been what made Belle talk.

‘I’m afraid that Robert would hurt me even more,’ she said quietly. ‘That he would use me, lie to me, that he would think that he can do everything... everything criminal and that I have no say whatever. And I can’t be okay with him doing bad things.’

‘We’re not okay with that either,’ Auntie Natalie said. ‘But he didn’t do anything like that living here, he made no contact with... well, to be honest, with anyone at all.’

He didn’t? What happened to helping Regina, then?

‘And if he did?’ Belle challenged.

‘We would talk, we would see. But I think he felt safe and satisfied enough with us to not seek anything else.’

‘I thought that too when we were married.’

‘Then what changed?’

‘I don’t know!’ Belle felt fresh tears. ‘That’s one of the things I want him to tell me!’

‘With some patience, he may tell you. When he feels safe enough.’

‘But isn’t all this patience just letting him in and risking being hurt?’

Auntie Natalie shrugged.

‘Is being hurt the worst thing that can happen to you?’

‘Yes,’ Belle had to admit. Then she elaborated, with bitterness, thinking about how sheltered she was by others. ‘I feel like the slightest openness on my part is going to be considered unforgivable stupidity, because it goes against thinking about my surviving in this scary world. I’m so tired of seeing the world as so scary. Why can’t I hope that I can just say that something hurts and then people would stop, because they are not bad? I even got it’s not easy to stop sometimes, but why should I run away instead of trying to help? Is it really stupid to try to help someone who hurt me with hope that it can solve the problem for everybody?’

Auntie Natalie hummed pensively.

‘It takes effort,’ she admitted. ‘It’s considering pros and cons, weighting risks and getting more information before doing something,’ she said in a matter-of-fact manner. ‘But I don’t mean to sound patronizing. These are your risks and you do what you want. I’ll just make sure you don’t hurt Robert.’

‘I want to risk sometimes,’ Belle admitted.

’Then do so. There’s no universal recipe when you should and when you shouldn’t, though it’s good to hear others out, get perspective. Then you can even share the experience back. Give more reliable advice to others.″

‘Yeah...’

Belle sat in silence for some time.

‘You know, I feel like all my friends are out there to protect me, but all they really do is to hammer into my head that there is nothing that I can do,’ she heard herself saying, ‘that the world is always dangerous, that all people - except them - are bad and wanting to hurt me, that any sacrifice on my part is stupid and leads only to me being used, that I have to always be on guard and always fighting to not be swallowed by others, that I can’t trust anyone, that if someone hurt me I should run away to save myself.’

She sniffed, thinking over what she just said. Her parents protected her, all love and good intentions, everything the best for their little Belle. They didn’t let her meet with friends that seemed to be trouble, didn’t let her do risky things. It was supposed to be wise, but now she felt like missing some important lessons.

‘And also,’ she said slowly, ‘every time someone else tells me how she or he were hurt, I think that I should caution them too, that if I were to babble naive things about hope, solutions and second chances, I’m going to just endanger them, make them more careless, more vulnerable and responsible for them being hurt. Or even like I’m sanctioning them being hurt by telling that maybe the... the other person needs something too, as if the victim wasn’t important.’

‘Like I said, every situation is different,’ Auntie Natalie said. ‘You want to learn how to recognize what’s going on and trust yourself that you got it right.’

‘Yes,’ Belle nodded, not sure if it was a question. ‘I don’t know how.’

‘And how was it with other people in your life?’

Belle thought about her parents, about Ruby and Victor, about many people who she had looser relationships with. Only Robert disappointed her so badly and so suddenly. She just managed to talk with Ruby about their problems, so it wasn’t impossible. And Granny at least truly meant well, Belle could forgive her for being not subtle about it, especially after what Victor told her about Granny’s husband.

‘Mostly okay I guess...’

‘Then maybe just take your time with Robert? Start slowly, give both him and yourself a benefit of doubt? If you want to understand better what happened between you, then I don’t see other way. But he must agree to it as well. Not be made to do it.’

Belle nodded.

‘I’ll try to do it slower, okay. You can tell him so.’

‘Good. So, would you eat dinner with us?’

Auntie Natalie’s smile was contagious and Belle nodded weakly in agreement.


	22. Chapter 22

 

* * *

 

 

Atmosphere during the dinner was tense - even children quickly picked it up and sat quietly, stealing curious glances at him and Belle. For his part, Gold tried to concentrate on his own plate, but having Belle sitting opposite made his eyes dart in all sides to avoid looking at her - and failing.

They ate in silence, a feat that had never happened in this house as far as Gold knew. Aunties tried some small talk at first but it died quickly. Even asking to pass something was avoided like a plague - at least since Gold almost dropped a whole pitcher of juice.

Children scrammed away as quickly as it was possible without being rude - no one wanted to risk angering aunties in such a moment.

‘Well,’ auntie Natalie said. ‘What do you want to do, Robert? Do you want us to leave you alone with Belle so you two can talk?’

Gold supposed he already made such a spectacle out of himself that Belle would want to go home, but she was also looking at him expectantly. Maybe even with hope.

It seemed unavoidable, so he nodded in confirmation. Better to have this done and over.

‘We’ll be in the kitchen, honey,’ said auntie Marjorie leaving him with Belle in the living room.

For some time he just sat looking at the carpet and wondering if Belle would be angry if he started with apologizing to her. It would be quicker, but more probably she needed him to listen when she’d be listing why she was angry. He braced himself, knowing that he deserved it, no matter how it hurt to hear that Belle is unhappy because of him.

‘I like that photo,’ Belle said shyly. Gold carefully looked up to see what photo she was talking about. He needed to be attentive if he didn’t want to anger her further. He learned that early in his life from his father, then Milah hammered it in his head even stronger. On the other hand, he probably shouldn’t try to soften the blow, she had every right to be furious with him.

‘Belle...’ he said, voice trembling. ‘What do you... What should I do?’

‘Do?’ she echoed gently.

‘Oh, please, don’t stall,’ he heard his voice hitching.

‘Robert,’ she said slowly, raising both hands in a placid gesture. ‘I want to talk. Learn more about what happened between us. You asked me to do it slowly, so I’m trying... but now I’m confused when you’re telling me not to stall.’

She was talking as if he was a child or idiot and he hung his head again - because he was.

‘I’m sorry, Belle. I don’t know what to say, I don’t want to say anything wrong, though that’s rather futile hope. I just... want it done, I guess. So you can leave...’

Belle frowned, as if trying hard to think it over.

‘I... I assume you want me to leave?’ she said carefully as if testing it.

He blinked.

‘You want to leave, Belle,’ he said confused.

‘Well, I’m here just to talk, but do you want me to leave as quickly as possible?’

‘I...’ Oh gods, he wanted her to stay with him forever, but how could he impose on her by saying that? And her leaving was going to hurt, so he wanted it over, but also didn’t want because there was a good chance he might never see her again.

‘Maybe that’s what auntie Natalie meant,’ Belle sighed. ‘To take it slower. So far we’re kind of having two different conversations, right? Not understanding each other, but I never thought it could be so...’ she made a vague gesture looking for words. ‘Anyway, I...’ she took a deep breath. ‘Oh gods, it really is hard. I felt hurt a moment ago when you... no, when I thought you don’t want to see me.’

She looked flushed, like after a big effort. Gold didn’t really understood, but at least what she said made it a little easier for him to answer.

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to feel hurt.’ His voice was small and unsure and downright pathetic, but Belle smiled for some reason.

‘It’s good to hear, Robert.’

They sat in silence for some time, and even if he was still afraid and unsure what she expected from him, the silence wasn’t too oppressive.

‘I wanted you to tell me everything,’ Belle said at last. ‘Things you didn’t tell me from the beginning. I... I feel lost. I don’t understand.’

‘I don’t know if I am able to explain,’ Gold whispered.

Belle nodded.

‘You hurt me,’ she said almost whispering herself. ‘So much. I believed in us and then you shattered that in one moment.’

Gold felt tears escaping from his eyes.

‘I... I’m not... I mean... That’s what I am... Disappointing.’

He turned his head away, not wanting Belle to see his ashamed face.

‘You don’t even try, Robert... If you... You’re just telling me that’s it, like you were okay with what you’ve done.’

What could he say to that, really? Milah and his father were telling him that he’s not even trying too. It was always better to just let them talk.

‘Robert, you’re not going to answer me?’

Oh no, she was demanding answers. It was so unfair when there was no right answer.

‘I... I love you, Belle,’ he said desperately. He remembered very vaguely that it had always worked on his mom when she was angry at him, even if as a three years old he couldn’t really do much damage. ‘I never wanted to hurt you on purpose. But I am a weak, pathetic man, and I am so sorry for misleading you into thinking that I am anything more.’

Belle sniffled loudly at that.

‘See, Robert? What am I supposed to do? I would want to help you be better, but all you’re saying is that I can’t.’

‘No one can...’ Gold stood up. ‘I think it’s enough, Belle. No need for you to get even more upset. I... I’m just glad we've met once more.’

He was looking at the carpet and her feet, but after she inhaled sharply, he looked at her face. Belle stood up too and was studying him up with a suspicious frown.

‘What do you mean by that?’

‘I... nothing, I just... I suppose you wouldn’t want to see me again...’

‘No, that didn’t sound like that.’

Gold sighed.

‘Emma didn’t tell you?’

‘Didn’t tell me what? We didn’t really talk, she told me that she’s quite sure that we’re safe during Christmas, but she was in hurry, me too. What does that all mean?’

‘Zelena sent me a letter,’ he admitted. ‘Told me that we’re safe for Christmas...’

‘But?’

‘But she’s going to write again and...’

‘And?’

Gold took deep breath. Aunties would say that he should tell Belle.

‘She’s going to tell me what I should do so nobody get hurt,’ he said quickly.

‘Oh God!’ Belle exclaimed. ‘And you were going to tell me this when exactly?’

He ducked his head.

‘I’m sorry...’

‘And Emma, you’d think she’s better that that! Why everybody treat me like a child?’

‘Because children are the most precious things and you are too,’ Gold said without thinking. Belle actually stopped talking and didn’t even look angry anymore, just surprised and flushed. Her eyes were glassy with tears.

‘I’m sorry, don’t cry, Belle. Not over this...’

She sat back down.

‘Okay, sit down, Robert, please,’ she said, without anger, but with decisiveness that he couldn’t ignore. ‘Now, you’re not going to just do whatever that mad woman wants from you. We work together, we and Emma, and Merida. Is that clear?’

Gold nodded, more out of childish reaction to her tone that any real reflection.

‘I think I need to stay here for these few days until New Year.’

‘You... Belle, I don’t... You don’t have to.’

‘I’ll ask aunties if I can in a moment. I trust them, but I’d prefer to be, well, to be where things are going to happen. I’m not done trying to do something, you and Emma don’t have monopoly.’

Gold nodded again, happy to have her here longer, ashamed of being so happy, and feeling utterly helpless to change her mind anyway. Thanks God, aunties were going to be here too.


	23. Chapter 23

 

* * *

 

 

Belle watched Robert and the kids from the door frame, unnoticed. She sighed. Robert was sitting in the armchair, reading quietly to the two smallest children, Tiana and Pete. Both were enraptured by whatever the story was about, perched on the armchair’s arm and peaking into the book, even if none of them could read yet.

It was wrong that he robbed her of a chance to have such a moments with him and their potential kids. Yet all the same, Belle was happy for him, that he was able to find such a family. She hoped he wouldn’t destroy that.

Zelena would be writing to him and Belle couldn’t threw it out of her mind. That disgusting woman who killed Neal. At least Belle’s feelings about her were clear and simple, unlike those about Lana, or Regina. Belle was furious at Regina for tempting Robert into all the criminal deeds, yet she couldn’t forget the hurt woman she’d met in the rain, her concise and to the point opinions, and the fact that Regina found her and warned about Zelena.

It was the same as with Robert, why someone that Belle cared about was so awful to her?

Robert went to sleep as soon as he tucked all the children in, leaving aunties and Belle in the kitchen over the last cup of tea.

‘How did you met Robert?’ auntie Marjorie asked, smiling and apparently truly curious.

‘In the library... I worked there, he came to find something that his son asked for. Something legal, they were working on getting Robert out of speakeasy and all that life, though they didn’t tell me this outright.’

Robert was nothing but sweet, shy and reverent when she met him. She learned about his troubles later and very slowly at that.

‘We were just friends for a long time. Even then he didn’t want to talk about himself. Then when we discovered that we grew to love each other we had a small wedding pretty soon. Though I can’t say it made him talk more.’

‘Yes, he’s so scared,’ auntie Natalie nodded. ‘I imagine he thought you’re going to run away screaming after hearing about his past and present troubles.’

‘Yes, I had to assure him that I saw that he worked so hard on being a different man. From the beginning I believed he succeeded...’

‘Why, do you think it was an... act?’ auntie Marjorie raised her eyebrows. Belle felt defensively.

‘It certainly didn’t stick.’

‘Why?’

‘Because he preferred her and her businesses over me. And he wanted a chance to avenge his son.’

‘You mean his former boss?’

‘Yes, Regina Mills... I don’t mean that he was interested in her romantically. He just wanted to be a criminal again.’

‘Why?’ Auntie Marjorie wondered. ‘He admitted that he helped his former boss to stood up some enemy to the police. But then he told us he hurt his leg to not be useful to his former boss.’

‘What?’ Belle blinked. ‘To not be...’

‘He told you something else?’

‘No, not him... But my friend spoke with him, Ruby, she was here...’

‘Yes, I remember. So he told her...?’

‘I don’t know...’ Belle shook her head. Did he? Or did Ruby just repeated it after Granny?

‘You can ask him,’ auntie Natalie pointed out. ‘Even now, I doubt he’s sleeping. Go.’

Belle bit her lips. Should she? She could wait till tomorrow, right?

‘Are you sure?...’

‘Yes,’ auntie Natalie nodded. ‘Go right now.’

‘Okay.’

Belle stood up and went upstairs, largely because she didn’t want the aunties to think that she’s afraid to ask Robert about the truth. But of course she was terrified. It would be such a shame to learn that what she believed wasn’t true, even if she didn’t want it to be true. But if he didn’t hurt himself to make her guilty and force her to come back, then maybe other things weren’t as simple as they’d seemed either?

She knocked to the door, half praying for Robert to be already asleep, but the door opened almost immediately.

‘Belle?...’ Robert said surprised, trying to hide something in his pocket.

‘What’s this?’ Belle said before she thought better, but it was either something bad or something private that he didn’t felt the need to hide when he thought she was one of the aunties and that stung.

Robert sighed and produced Neal’s photo from his pocket.

‘Oh Robert, why did you hid it?’

He just shook his head, not looking her in the eyes. It was already going wrong, Belle thought. How on earth was she supposed to ask him about his leg now?

‘What do you need, Belle?’ he prompted quietly.

‘I... I wanted to ask you something.’

He was all tense and barely looking at her, but he let her into his room. Belle looked around with interest. The room was small, furnished only with bed, chest of drawers and a table with one chair, but like the whole house has something warm and charming in it, something of aunties’ personality reflected in choice of colors and furniture.

‘Please, sit down,’ Robert gestured to the chair and sat himself on the bed.

There wasn’t really any gentle way of asking that Belle could think of, so she asked point blank.

‘How did you hurt your leg?’

He sighed, lowering his head. At least he wasn’t crying, but just seemed resigned and exhausted.

‘A hammer would do that.’

‘You did it yourself?’

‘Yes.’

‘Why?’ she managed to keep any anger out of that question.

Robert sat in silence for a long time.

‘I...,’ he shook his head. ‘I wanted to show you that I really don’t want to work for Regina, that I only helped her in that moment of need. But for that I had to make sure and real that Regina wouldn’t want me anymore. At least that’s what I thought. Ruby’s grandmother was right, I was just thinking of winning you back and I had no right.’

She spotted tears on his cheeks and she realized she was also crying.

‘Robert... I don’t know what to say to that.’

‘Nothing, Belle, you don’t have to.’ He clearly tried to sound reassuring. ‘It’s... done. If you can, just forget it.’

‘No, Robert, it’s not something to just forget.’

‘Oh...’ he ducked his head. ‘Alright, then I’m really sorry... I’m sorry for imposing on you, trying to make you feel guilty, to... to steal sympathy. I know it’s not for me. I’m just weak.’

‘No... no, that’s not what I meant. Robert...’ In all truth she just wanted to hug him right now, but that would be too impulsive and unreasonable. She needed to have clear head and be careful, this didn’t erase all the remaining issues. ‘I meant that hurting yourself so bad... I would never demand such proof.’

He seemed surprised, but she couldn’t tell if it was because of her words or just because of the lack of anger on her part.

‘What proof would you demand, then?’

‘I... I don’t know, it’s not about proofs.’ To be honest, she couldn’t think of absolutely anything. ‘But... if you did it to show me that you want nothing to do with Regina, then why didn’t I even know about it?’

He blushed.

‘Ruby’s grandmother was a nurse when I was in the hospital... She... she explained to me, that I did something... wrong. She said she and Ruby are going to protect you, and I was sure that you already know that I did it to make you feel guilty.’

‘No, wait, so you did it to make me feel guilty or to show me that you don’t want to work with Regina?’

Robert seemed surprised at the distinction.

‘I... both?’

Belle frowned as she started to suspect what happened.

‘What did you think when you... did this?’

‘That it would be a proof.’

‘And when did you think it’s about making me feeling guilty?’

‘After Ruby’s grandmother told me, but that didn’t mean that it’s not true, just that I didn’t think of it earlier.’

Belle sighed. In general, yes, it was possible to do something without realizing more nefarious intents behind it. However, it was still better than doing something while realizing them, and anyway, she doubted it was the case.

‘Okay, Robert. Maybe you did, but mainly you wanted to show me that you don’t want to work for Regina. But why did you go back to her at all if that’s the truth?’

‘She needed help and it was dangerous to refuse her, I told you that back then. And I...’ his voice broke. ‘I hoped it would help me to avenge Neal. My boy... It could have been the only chance, but as it turned out, it wasn’t.’

Yes, he told her that back then. It sounded slightly different now, though.

‘Okay, Robert. Thank you for answering me. I... I’m sorry that...’ she gestured to his bad leg, not sure how to phrase it and he just nodded. ‘Good night.’

‘Good night, Belle.’

One might hope, Belle thought, leaving and closing the door quietly.


	24. Chapter 24

  

 

* * *

 

 

Early in the morning, when everybody else was still asleep and the sun didn’t rise yet, Gold was looking at the street through his window. After all the conversations with Belle he couldn’t sleep. Only because of that he spotted a tall figure in trench coat approaching the pink Victorian.

He took a sharp breath when he realized that he knew him - it was Walsh, Zelena’s handyman. When Cora threw Zelena out of Enchanted Forest, Walsh took her in. He owned Oz Cafe, and they started to run small but steadily growing speakeasy, Emerald Castle, behind it. Zelena tried to convince Gold to join them, to no avail, and her silly but creepy infatuation with him turned into even creepier, jealous resentment.

Quickly, he opened the window and the creak caught Walsh’s attention. They looked at each other, then Walsh smiled and motioned for him to get down. Gold nodded and quickly left the room, trying to move soundlessly despite the cane and limp.

When he opened the front door, Walsh laughed and threw something at him. It hit hard in Gold’s shoulder and he barely caught it, doubling over and fighting for balance with his cane. The door behind him moved back in, giving no support, but he caught himself at the door frame at last.

Walsh laughed again, saluted him mockingly and ran away. Gold sighed, glad that he caught the package before the thud on the front door would alarm aunties or Belle.

He limped back to his room upstairs, praying to not wake anybody up. It seemed he was lucky, the house was still silent.

With trembling hands Gold unpacked the message, wrapped in a heavy stone like the previous one.

“Dearest Robert - Zelena wrote - I hope you miss me just like I’m missing you. I am expecting you at Mills Manor as soon as you read the letter. The New Year party is tomorrow and we have much to prepare. Love, your Zelena.”

He wanted to throw the letter away, cringing in disgust at all the endearments Zelena used. But what was more important - what was he going to do now?

Zelena didn’t even have to remind him what would be the price for disobeying her. She had taken Neal, she would take Belle and aunties and all the children. She might also go after Henry and Emma. Gold wasn’t going to let her hurt anyone else. No one besides him deserved to be hurt over this.

Today at noon Emma and Merida were going to come, discuss the last parts of the plan. Merida already made contact with Mal and Lily was set up to be freed on January the first if Mal did everything as promised.

But could they really do anything to Zelena? He remembered Emma’s rage after Neal was killed, her promises to do everything... She really did and cops from homicide and prohibition divisions assured her and him that they were doing everything too. And yet, no one proved that Zelena ordered Neal’s death or found the killer. Nothing happened, Zelena was free again, free to hurt his family once again. He wasn’t going to risk.

He might have been a weak coward and now also a cripple, but at last he would do what was best for his family, he thought, getting dressed. He would take the surest way to keep them safe. He failed with Neal, but this time he would make it. And if it was possible, he would bring Zelena down in a moment she wouldn’t suspect anything. He would take down her and Neal’s murderer.

Gold wondered if he should leave a note for Belle, aunties and children. He didn’t want them to follow him, but leaving without a word seemed cruel. He quickly scribbled down that he love them all more than anything in the world, then once again slipped away from the house, this time permanently it seemed. He allowed himself to cry silently looking back at the Victorian. But as soon as he turned round the corner he made himself stop. Zelena couldn’t see any tears on his face. It was time to return to being his former cold self, even if he didn’t have even the tenth of the strength he had back then, in almost every sense of the word.

‘Robert,’ Zelena purred. ‘Long time no see.’

She was dressed in a green dress of the most venomous shade. She wore rings, bracelets, necklaces and diadem, all golden with green gems - and knowing her, they were all true emeralds. If she looked this over the top in the middle of a normal day, Gold dreaded to imagine how she was going to dress to the New Year ball. But the sudden surge of power - or money - makes people behave like drunk on it, he knew it best.

‘What do you need of me?’ he asked coldly and detachedly.

‘Oh, sweetheart,’ she stepped closer and stroked his cheek. Gold barely managed to not flinch. ‘I want to employ you, of course. Walsh would see about getting you a new, decent suit, not that shabby drags you wore. With a nice dark green tie, I think, and cufflinks with emeralds. Do you see how I’m spoiling you, my dear? We’ll get you a gun, of course, a handsome one, and you’ll be my bodyguard along with Walsh. I’d love to keep you close all the time. And, my dear,’ she stepped even closer, so she could whisper the rest into his ear, ‘you will be making sure that anyone who dares to oppose me learns their lesson. Like an old good times with my dearest, missing sister. I wanted you for myself for a long, long time.’ She punctuated it with a kiss on his earlobe and Gold shivered. She smiled wildly and with satisfaction.

Walsh leaded him out of the room and Gold followed blindly, feeling numb. All the work, all the sacrifices, Neal’s sacrifices, and he was back to being a gunman. Zelena didn’t even comment on his bad leg.

But she would be giving him a gun. That was his chance. Unless... unless she made sure that someone would hurt his family after she’d be dead. He would need to untangle that first, make sure no one would follow that orders. Then he would strike. She’ll see.


	25. Chapter 25

 

* * *

 

 

‘I don’t want him to die,’ were the first words that came to mind and Belle didn’t even realized that she said them aloud.

Auntie Marjorie put an arm around Belle’s shoulders.

‘I know, honey. We’re worried about him too.’

Belle crushed the piece of paper that Robert left for them – a simple statement that he loved them all and was doing what he thought best for them.

‘But he didn’t even ask if it’s best for us,’ Belle whined, through tears. ‘He just went alone to that horrible woman!’

Belle discovered she’d much rather have Robert going to Regina to work for her. Sure, he might be killed as well, but it somehow wasn’t the same and killing seemed a lot less possible. When he went to help Regina, Belle could have blamed him, because he was doing it to gain something for himself, not caring about her. Right now he did something basically reverse – and yet it still wasn’t something that Belle wanted.

She might have been even more angry at him now than then.

‘How could he?’ she asked aunties helplessly. ‘Why did he think that it would be best?’

‘He wanted to feel useful,’ auntie Natalie said with a steel note in her otherwise trembling voice.

‘You’re not going to tell me that he cared for me more than I for him and I should be ashamed?’ Belle challenged.

‘No.’ Auntie Natalie shrugged. ‘It’s yours and his business how much you care. But I wonder if we could have done something more to make him feel that we’d rather have him here, even if it endangers us somehow, that it’s not something he has to face alone.’

Auntie Marjorie smiled sadly.

‘But we’d also do whatever it takes for our children, Robert included, and for each other.’

Auntie Natalie only nodded.

‘So what now?’ Belle asked. She wanted to run and search for Robert, to tell him how absolutely furious she is with him for endangering himself like that, for taking from her all chances of understanding each other, for making her feel, once again, like she’s not enough. Because at the end of the day, he just showed her how little regard he has for what she might feel or want. He could have asked if she wanted him to sacrifice himself for her. He could have also asked aunties. Even children, somehow. They had been making plans to do it together – with Emma, Merida, everything was prepared, and now he went and ruined it!

‘Emma will be coming today,’ auntie Marjorie said in a soothing voice. ‘We can plan what to do. New Year’s Eve is tomorrow.’

Belle nodded, sniffling loudly.

‘It is. I’m going to find him before something bad would happen.’

Aunties nodded, then started daily home chores. They agreed to not tell children anything beside that uncle Robert had to leave for urgent businesses, but the atmosphere, the nerves, sadness and anger were harder to hide. Belle overheard, however, Dorothy explaining to the younger children that uncle Robert had to leave before and then was back, so this time he was surely going to return as well.

She wished she could have the same hope. She remembered the night Robert came to Ruby and Victor’s house, all bloodied, with his belly cut from ribs to hip. Why wasn’t she more scared that night? Was she so angry that she thought he wanted to hurt her more and still demand a sympathy? Ruby said then that Belle didn’t have to do anything for him, true, but somehow it morphed into ‘shouldn’t do anything for him’. Was she weak and stupid if she still cared for him?

When Emma and Merida came, Belle couldn’t help, but say it before they even take off their coats.

‘Robert’s gone. Went to Zelena to sacrifice himself!’

Then, as if she heard it herself for the first time, she started to cry.

‘Hey, hey, it will be okay,’ Emma said hurriedly and awkwardly. She didn’t seem to be surprised, though.

Merida just raised her eyebrows and whistled quietly, but refrained from commenting.

They sat down in the living room with auntie Natalie, while auntie Marjorie went to make sure that children are otherwise occupied. That meant she would have to stay with them for the whole time, but what was said to auntie Natalie would surely make its way to auntie Marjorie, and one auntie almost always spoke for both of them.

‘It’s all ready,’ Emma said. ‘We are ready to act tomorrow. There are just tiny details left and we hoped that Gold would help us with them. He knows the place.’

Belle bit her lips.

‘I want to go with you,’ she said.

‘Belle, please, it’s not a good idea,’ Emma said.

Belle shook her head.

‘I’m not saying it because I want to do something to not feel like a child. I want to go because Robert is there. And I have a feeling that I have the best chance of persuading him to stop... sacrificing himself to Zelena.’

‘If you go, you endanger yourself. It’s the last thing he would want.’

‘I know, Emma. But tell me, is he right? Is what he’s done the best way to do this?’

‘It depends on who you want to save,’ Emma said heavily. ‘I would do it for Henry. He didn’t manage to do it for Neal. So he’s doing it for you.’

‘Then let me do it for him.’

Emma hesitated. For Belle, it sounded like a right thing to say, until the five seconds later when she realized how it might sound for, well, everybody Belle told how her husband hurt her. Emma didn’t need to say it aloud, but being Emma, she did.

‘Belle, you’re divorced for reasons that you yourself presented as very serious. Now you’re telling me that you want to go and endanger your life for him?’

Gods. Belle took a deep breath. She heard voices of dozens of people telling her that she’s weak, dependent, sacrificing in a bad way, letting herself be hurt because she couldn’t stand for herself and be her own person, that she is willingly putting herself lower than others, lower than men, than the one man who was supposed to care about her and hurt her instead, that she is too weak and stupid to be left unguided, that she can’t trust herself to survive and to find satisfaction.

But Emma didn’t ask with irony. Belle didn’t hear reproach in her voice. Emma asked because like a good commander she wanted to know where they all stood. And it was a valid, if tactless, question.

And Belle could really decide for herself if she want to do this for Robert, regardless of all expectations she might have towards their relationship. She could decide that she wants to help him save his life and what was the most miraculous part of it – for the first time she felt that she can give it freely and have no resentment afterward if Robert did something she wouldn’t want him to do. It wasn’t about expecting something in return. It was about her sole decision that she wants to give something and that it would be worth the effort if Robert ended up alive. Nothing more and nothing less.

Belle felt like she wanted to hug Emma here and now. She managed to answer calmly though.

‘Yes, Emma, I want. I want him to be alive and I’m prepared to work for it. It’s just that, plain and simple.’

And Emma nodded in agreement.


	26. Chapter 26

 

* * *

 

 

The New Year ball in the Enchanted Forest speakeasy was going to be spectacular. The hidden rooms in the Mill’s Mansion were decorated in the usual Fairy Tale eerie motives - only this year there was far too much green for Gold’s taste. Zelena, in her green and black dress and extensive jewelery was looking technically pretty, he supposed, but mostly venomous and disturbing.

For the time being, however, she locked herself up in her study with a man dressed in the impeccable black suit. Gold overheard her calling him Hades – this must have been a pseudonym, but the man didn’t look like an artist. On the contrary – if only one person in the building was to be a criminal, Gold’s bet would be on that man.

He sauntered off to talk with Jefferson, who under Regina’s reign was something of artistic director of the Enchanted Forest. At least Zelena didn’t harm him.

‘Don’t ask,’ Jefferson said quickly and quietly, when Gold asked him about this Hades. ‘He’s trouble. Also, he’s Zelena’s lover. Nothing good can come out from that. He shows up from time to time now, but at first they were meeting almost daily. I think he helped her a lot with getting the Enchanted Forest from Regina and even then it looked like they were old partners in crime. They’re worth each other, that’s for sure.’

For a speech that started with ‘don’t ask’ it was a lot of information, Gold supposed. But not nearly enough.

‘Do you think...’ he took a deep breath. ′ Do you think he can have something to do with my son’s...′

‘Don’t, Gold, please,’ Jefferson interrupted quickly. ‘Do everyone a favor and stop poking a dragon. I don’t know, so no more questions, alright? I need to go put the last finishing touches on that hideous green décor she made me make.’

Jefferson practically ran away, so Gold felt it pretty safe to assume that Hades might have had something to do with Neal’s death. Just then the man himself showed up with Zelena hanging on his arm. Gold moved aside, hoping to not be seen. He needed to talk with some of the staff and guests and it would go so much smoother if Zelena didn’t demand his presence and services. Maybe she’d be content to keep him in a role of a pet and let him run around. She already had a company after all – at least for that Gold was grateful.

It was Mal that told him what he needed to know. She send him a long, sad look, then nodded almost imperceptibly.

‘Yes, I believe he’s the one,’ she whispered. ‘But is there really something you can do about that?’

‘That isn’t your concern. Thank you.’

‘Don’t.’

Mal disappeared in the crowd. Part of him wanted to be angry at her for not telling him all these years before, but back then Mal was a different person. It was before she found her lost daughter, and however difficult the relationship between them was, Gold was so jealous. Oh how he would prefer Neal to just write him off his life back then and stay safe with Emma and Henry.

‘You,’ he heard an angry hissing voice and suddenly he was standing eye to eye with a furious Belle, hiding behind a carnival mask.

‘What?...’ he managed. No, this wasn’t happening. ‘Please, leave. Please.’

‘No, I’m not. What do you think you’re doing?’

Gold flapped his hands uselessly, honestly not able to say anything. Everything was just as it was not supposed to be and was certain to get even worse. Then he took Belle by the arm and steered her towards one of the smaller rooms, fortunately empty.

‘Belle, what are you doing here?’

‘Making sure you won’t do anything stupid,’ she hissed. ‘Why did you decide that leaving like that would be a good idea? We were working on it together! You just stood us all up!’

‘I got a letter from Zelena,’ he whispered quickly. ‘I had to. She would hurt you and aunties, and children! I couldn’t let it happen!’

‘You could trust us!’

‘Not with something this important!’

‘Robert, you can’t do that! You can’t decide alone what’s best!’

‘But I can decide what I want to do!’ And he wanted to shout it out instead of whispering.

‘Not if you’re hurting others!’

He felt his throat closing and he turned away quickly, trying to get his emotions in check.

‘Robert?’ she prompted. He turned back to her. She was so beautiful, so lovely, and yet he couldn’t even touch her. Instead, he tried to explain.

‘I thought that this one thing wouldn’t be that. That it is the best thing to do. That just for once I won’t be a monster or a coward. I wanted to...’ he trailed off, making a vague gesture with his hands. He couldn’t say aloud that he wanted to be a man for once, a real one, not a shadowy figure armed with gun, but a man who can take care of his family.

‘Robert, you’re not a monster and you’re not a coward,’ Belle said with exasperation. ‘And you don’t need to prove anything.’

He shook his head sadly.

‘Belle, I have heard it from many people.’ His voice sounded like he was talking to a child. ‘From you too. And from Ruby earlier. From Granny. From... a lot of people before that. You can’t tell me that all these people were wrong. I am bad, I am hurting you. I did hurt you. I wanted to do it right, but you see yourself I’m not doing it right. Even now. So don’t tell me that I should know better and for that single thing don’t be angry at me. This time I did what all of you wanted from me, put others before myself and my weakness. Please don’t tell me it’s all wrong too, please,’ his voice hitched. ‘Please, I need it to be right.’

Belle sighed and gently touched his cheek, caressing him lightly. He closed his eyes, savoring the feeling.

‘Oh, Robert... I am just worried about you, you know?’


	27. Chapter 27

 

* * *

 

 

‘Y-you are?’

‘Yes. Oh Robert, do you know how scared I was when I discovered that you are gone? How worried aunties are? How much do children miss you?’

He shook his head.

‘It’s better than have you all dead. And she could arrange that. Her... her lover, I believe he killed my boy. Mal confirmed it. He could kill you all as well. I can’t allow that. Belle, please, tell me you understand. Tell me you understand and you go away, back to aunties. Please.’

His pleading expression was open and unguarded as he begged her for some reassuring. Belle realized she did the same thing. She remembered the elation when she told Emma she wanted to help Robert stay alive. If she died trying, Robert would be hurt and furious with her, just like she was furious with him. Perhaps some way of agreeing beforehand on what to do could be a useful idea. But for now they really should start to work together.

‘Let’s both go away, back to aunties, hm? Merida is going to let the police in very soon. Zelena will be caught and we will all be safe.’

Robert shook his head again.

‘If she gets arrested for running the speakeasy, it won’t be long until she’s back free. At the very least she’ll just buy herself the way out. And that man, Hades, he can kill you even when she’s in prison. I need to stay.’

Belle took a deep breath, exasperated. This wasn’t going anywhere.

‘If you are staying, I’m staying as well.’

‘Belle...’

Just then, the terrible noise made them both jump. Robert instinctively caught her in his arms, trying to shield her even if nothing and nobody appeared in the door. After a moment, Belle gently untangled herself from his embrace, and he almost jumped back, ashamed. She wanted to tell him something, but didn’t really knew what. Instead, she came to the door, listening.

‘It’s the police!’ she exclaimed, hurrying up to the corridor and the big room, to the center of commotion.

‘Please, Belle! Don’t!’ Robert shouted, hurrying after her, but even in her high heels, she was much quicker than he was with a cane. He caught up with her when she stopped to admire the police rounding up all the patrons.

‘See, Robert? It would be alright.’

‘She’s not here,’ he said with tense voice. ‘She’s not here, nor is he.’

Belle looked around the room. There were a lot of dark corners and a few doors to small rooms like the one they occupied a moment ago, but perhaps also leading to other parts of the building.

‘Robert, you know this building, right?’

‘Yes.’

‘Let’s tell the police where she might have gone.’

Robert hesitated, but nodded. Belle called to Merida. The redhead turned their way, then started to go to them, but suddenly, out of blue, a pair of hands reached to her, seemingly straight from the wall and pulled her into the shadow.

Belle gaped at that with eyes wide and mouth open.

‘Robert, did you see this?!’

He nodded.

‘This... this place is full of secret passages. Cora Mills knew what she was doing.’

‘We need to help! Police! Hey!’ Belle run to the nearest policeman, who in turn pointed her to man in charge, captain Merlin.

‘Robert!’ Belle dragged Merlin with her to her former husband. ‘Tell him about the passages!’

‘I... I don’t know exactly where they’re going... You need to search them. Before Zelena and Hades leave the house.’

‘The mansion is surrounded.’

’No, captain, there are passages that lead to the underground sewers system. They can escape...′

Belle saw his hands tremble and impulsively grabbed them into her own. Merlin went away to regroup his people.

‘Why did they took Merida? Robert?’

‘They must have deduced it was her who let the police in. They’re not the people you can cross without repercussions. Belle, that’s why I wanted you to stay home...’

‘Not a word about that, Robert, it’s not the time. Isn’t there any way to help Merida. Please, think! Searching blindly is hardly an efficient way... Please.’

Robert shook his head.

‘Belle, no, please. The police can do that. Merida herself is policewoman. Please, if Zelena and Hades discover that we helped... I can’t lose you.’

‘It’s not me who’s in danger, it’s Merida! Damn it, Robert, stop thinking just about us, think of other people sometimes!’

He cringed, as if she slapped him, but stubbornly shook his head.

‘Fine, Robert, then I’ll wait here, you do something! There is something, right? I can see it written on your face, there is!’

‘Nno...’ he stammered. Belle felt tears pooling into her eyes.

‘Robert, please. At least tell the police what it is. It’s Merida’s life we’re talking about.’

‘Police can’t do it.’

‘Why?’

‘She would know I told them. You... you don’t want that.’

‘Don’t want that?’ Belle repeated coldly.

Robert nodded.

‘How dare you? You don’t even try to care what I might want!’ Belle hissed. ‘You’re thinking only about yourself! Why can’t you learn? You could do the brave thing for once. Well, I’m going to do something.’

She stormed away, leaving Gold speechless. He sagged into a chair. After a moment, he closed his eyes, leaning his head on the table, trying not to cry.

Belle took a few deep breaths and went straight to captain Merlin.

‘Sir, I believe we can help,’ she said decisively. ‘But Robert would need a gun. For our safety.’

Merlin raised his eyebrows.

‘I can’t give you a gun.’

‘I can,’ Emma interjected, appearing seemingly out of nowhere. ‘My private one,’ she added. ‘What Gold can do?’

‘He didn’t tell the specifics, but he knows the secret passages a bit. He believe he may find something to help.’

Emma gave Belle her revolver.

‘Alright. I’m needed here, so many boys are searching for Merida that barely anyone’s left to watch the patrons till the reinforcements arrive.’

Belle grabbed the gun and went back to Robert. He looked up at her with wide, teary eyes.

‘Here,’ she said, offering him the thing. ‘I guess that’s what you need to feel a bit braver. Now, can we do something for Merida?’


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, chipper. I needed to hear that.

 

* * *

 

 

‘Belle, a gun?’ Gold asked incredulously. Belle hated guns and violence.

‘As much as I would want you to not need it, it seems unavoidable now. Merida is more important than your dependence on it.’

Gold took the revolver with shaking hands. He hasn’t fired a gun for five years. Few months ago Regina gave him one, but he didn’t manage to use it. He still was ashamed of how Glass’ people ambushed, disarmed and knifed him. Apparently he wasn’t good at that anymore. Zelena promised him gun in the future, but wanted to wait until she’d be sure that he wouldn’t just shoot her first thing after getting it. And she was quite right.

‘So, what now?’ Belle asked coldly.

Gold sighed.

‘Alright. But you stay here.’

‘How do I know you would do what you’re supposed to do then?’

That hurt and Gold lowered his eyes.

‘You don’t,’ he said simply. He heard her sigh sadly.

‘I never know, is that right?’

Gold wasn’t sure what she meant by that, but nodded, it was true.

‘So, what are we going to do?’

He looked up. She had tears in her eyes.

‘I don’t know, Belle.’

‘Let’s go. Please, Robert. Is it really that dangerous, what you are going to do, that you can’t trust me to go with you?’

‘I don’t want to take any risks.’

‘You can’t force me to do nothing just to protect me... You know, almost everybody else is doing it too.’

‘But sometimes the danger is bigger.’

Belle shook her head.

‘I don’t think this danger is bigger than the danger of having your husband hurt you. It’s just a different sort of danger.’

It hurt.

‘If the one danger proved to be real, Belle, the second one can be real too.’

‘Yes, but I’m learning that sometimes the danger isn’t as horrible as I think it is. And it might be worth the risk.’

‘What...?’ He couldn’t hear her right.

‘I was very afraid of you hurting me. That was the main reason I wanted a divorce. Not because of what you already did, thought it surely hurt too, but because of what you might do in the future. But here I am, scared that you could get killed. And I’ll gladly finish this conversation later. When we help Merida. Because if you don’t do anything to help, I will think that my fears were justified and that you are this selfish man who thinks only about what is important to him, disregarding other people.’

‘Belle...’

‘So? What would that be?’

Gold stood up.

‘We can go to the secret vault built by Cora. I think Zelena doesn’t know about it. If Cora hid plans of this place anywhere, it would be there.’

‘Why wouldn’t you tell this to the police?’

‘There... might be more than I want them to learn,’ he admitted.

‘About what?’ Belle sounded impatient, suspicious...

‘About Regina of course. I don’t want them to have anything on her.’

Belle looked like she wanted to yell at him, but eventually she contained her emotions.

‘Fine,’ she said coldly. ‘Let’s go. By this time I wouldn’t be surprised if Zelena didn’t take Merida through sewers and far away from here.’

‘I don’t think so. That exit is unused, shut down, it would take some time for them to open it and the police run to look for Merida pretty quick. You can ask Merlin.’

Merlin confirmed that Zelena and Hades with Merida were most probably still in the house.

‘Where is that vault?’ Belle asked when they carefully stepped into the maze.

‘Where no one would look for.’ Gold smiled weakly. He led Belle up the dusted, narrow staircase, the only light being from police lantern they borrowed. The staircase led up to the official part of the building, but in the middle of it there was a mirror on the wall, seemingly to aid on the way down to the ballroom. Gold touched the frame in a few places. ‘Mirror, mirror...’ he said with a sad irony.

Something clicked, the mirror easily slid to the side. When Gold spotted a flash of light from the inside, he immediately shielded Belle with himself, even if he almost overbalanced and fell down the stairs.

‘Why, hello,’ said the familiar voice from the inside. ‘Come in, before the police would see.’

‘Regina?’ Gold stepped inside and Belle followed him. The door clicked behind them.

It was a weird and claustrophobic place, filled with cabinets and drawers, designed to store the most items in a smallest space.

‘What are you doing here?’

‘I came for my mother’s things. What better time than when everyone’s busy downstairs. Only, I didn’t expect them to be busy with police. Did they catch my sister?’

‘No,’ Gold said darkly. ‘Zelena and Hades abducted one of the policewomen, the one who was here incognito and let the cops in.’

Regina raised her eyebrows.

‘I take that it was your plan. I see you’ve been busy. What do you need from here?’

‘A plan of this place. We need to know where did they hide.’

Regina produced the paper form one of the key-locked drawers.

‘You may look, but this can’t be shown to the police. This vault is on the plan.’

‘What difference it makes to you?’ Belle asked. ‘You’re taking the things and leaving.’

‘Oh, I can’t take everything today, there’s too much. I’ve been coming here for a few weeks actually. I need to take everything before Zelena discovers this place.’

‘Alrigh, I think I have it,’ Gold said, returning the map to Regina.

‘Say hello to my sister and that hit man of her,’ Regina said in disgust. ‘I wish I had some more dirt on them to sell to the police. It would be a perfect cherry on top. And I’m sure the dirt exist, Hades is a killer.’

‘I know,’ Gold said softly.

‘Yes, I guess you know. Pity there’s no evidence.’

They left Regina in the vault, busily filling suitcases with documents, jewelery and gods know what else Cora stashed in the cabinets. Probably the most expensive alcohol on Earth.

‘Okay, Belle. Now we tell the police where they may be. And we let them work.’

Belle frowned but didn’t say anything and Gold was thankful for that. She could have very easily remarked on how unusual it is for him to trust police do their work.


	29. Chapter 29

 

 

* * *

 

 

Belle observed Robert as they headed back to the ballroom. Passing Merlin in the dusty corridor, they told them where to look for Merida and then Robert tugged her hand until she followed him.

Then they heard the scream.

Belle, not even thinking, ran in that direction. It was Merida.

‘Belle, wait!’

Robert followed her, calling desperately, but again she was much faster. Leaded by the screams, she turned a few corners, then trotted down the stairs, where commissionaire Merlin and a few policemen stood by the open doors. Inside, trapped but dangerous, stood Zelena holding a pistol to Merida’s head. A man stood behind Zelena, looking around in a cool, calculating way, though what hope could they have now, when they were surrounded by police? They had nowhere to go.

‘You have to let us go,’ Zelena said in a high, loud voice. ‘See, I have my little traitorous guest. She told me everything about your plan.’

Merida’s eyes found Belle’s, sad and begging for forgiveness. Belle managed to smile, hoping it would be reassuring.

‘Oh, Robert,’ Zelena said, looking past Belle. ‘How good of you to come. And here I thought you’re too much of a coward.’

Belle looked back to see Robert eyeing Zelena with a dark look.

‘So, what now?’ Zelena demanded. ‘Are we free or should I shoot the girl?’

Merlin gave a signal with his hand and policeman stood back, letting Zelena go. She and the man came out of the room, dragging with them Merida, still with the gun pointed on her head.

‘You’re coming with us, commissionaire,’ the man said. ‘You need to tell your people to let us through.’

Merlin obeyed. When Zelena was passing Belle and Robert, she stopped, smiling widely.

‘I see that you’ve even brought your little wife with you, Robert. Oh, you’re so romantic. I think I need to insist that you come with us. Or, you know, my hand may tremble and then... bang!’

She laughed shrilly.

‘Belle stays,’ Robert said.

‘No, I don’t think so. You’re both coming.’

Belle took Robert’s hand and squeezed. They both went after Zelena, thinking furiously how to get out of that situation. But then they were outside, getting into car, with the man driving, Merida in the front seat and Zelena squeezed with them in the backseat, with a gun pointed at the back of Merida’s head.

‘You have no idea how happy I am to have you all with me,’ Zelena chirped with a mad tingle to her voice. ‘You just made me lose everything I fought for and oh dearie, you won’t be able to finish paying off for that.’

‘The police will catch you,’ Belle said.

‘Are you joking, girl?’ Zelena laughed like a mad witch. ‘Soon we’ll disappear. They let us go because they were so sure they can track us. But that’s so not the case. Oh poor police boys from prohibition unit. Who are they hiring these days?’

Indeed, the man was driving very fast and soon they were out of the city. The cars that at first followed them were nowhere in sight, no matter how many times Belle looked back. Then they were again in the city, but in a district where Belle had never been.

They were made to get out of the car and into an old, abandoned building. Zelena smiled.

‘You didn’t really think I would take you to the Oz Cafe, eh Gold?’

Robert didn’t say anything. In fact, he didn’t say anything since they left Mills Mansion and Belle was starting to get anxious. Finally, when they were showed into a basement and locked in, Belle shook his shoulder gently.

‘Robert?’

The gaze she was rewarded with was empty and soon Robert turned away to sit down in the corner. There was no furniture in the room, no windows, and the only source of light was a police lantern that Belle simply didn’t put away in the Mansion.

‘I’m sorry!’ Merida said suddenly. ‘If I didn’t let them caught me like that, this wouldn’t happen!’

‘Don’t worry!’ Belle replied immediately. ‘They are looking for us. Don’t worry!’

Merida shook her head.

‘It will take them some time. And back then Zelena pretty much deduced what happened and then made me confirm it... I’m so sorry. She threaten to harm my brothers, even from jail! How on earth did she know that I have brothers?!’

‘She observed me,’ Robert said quietly.

‘Oh God!!!’ Merida exclaimed through tears. ‘She said that the price must be paid. And I believe her. She’s not someone who forgets and we pretty much just destroyed her big prize of a speakeasy.’

Belle knelt in front of Robert.

‘What do you think she’s going to do?’

Robert looked at her, this time with real emotion, with tears, sadness and fear.

‘She’s going to kill us. Like she killed my son. Probably you first Belle, because you didn’t cross her directly. She’ll use you as a revenge on me. And then you, Merida. She will let you die without knowing if your brothers are safe or not. Me, she might as well keep alive. She knows that would be the worst thing she could do to me.’

He started to cry in earnest now, trembling and sobbing quietly, with his face hidden in his hands, as if it all already happened.

‘No, Robert, you must be mistaken,’ Belle said, trying not to cry as well. She rubbed his arm comfortingly, waiting for the worst sobs to pass. When did it all happen? Why did it happen? ‘She might need us for something. To bargain with police. She must have something more... concrete in mind. Something to gain by having us all here.’

‘What would that be?’ Robert asked quietly in a hoarse voice. ‘Haven’t you seen her, heard her? She’s not planning now, she’s simply enjoying the power over us. All she wanted was the Enchanted Forest, the legacy of Cora, this so called better life that Regina had. She’s got it, then we took it away. She killed for less.’

Robert hid his face in his hands again and Belle looked sideways. Indeed, she killed, or at least ordered to kill, for much less.

‘Okay,’ Belle said. ’No sense in just sitting here. ‘Let’s think. There must be something we can do.’

‘Well, they had to come here finally, feed us or something.’ Merida offered. ‘We can ambush the one who comes.’

Robert sat straighter suddenly and took a deep breath.

‘Oh, Belle, I have that gun you gave me.’

‘A gun!’ Merida exclaimed happily. But Belle felt a cold sweat trickling down her spine.

‘No...’ she made herself speak. ‘I... I removed the bullets and left them in the ballroom.’

‘What?’ Robert and Merida spoke in the same moment.

‘I’m sorry!’ Belle couldn’t hold back tears now. ‘I... I didn’t want you to rely on a weapon again. I wanted you to not need it. I’m sorry. I was afraid. I was afraid you’d be again that... that man who left me for Regina. I wanted to show you, that you don’t need a gun. That you can be brave when not armed. I shouldn't have done it,' she sobbed loudly. 'I know I shouldn't have. I'm so sorry...’

Robert was looking at her with big eyes, clearly trying to comprehend what she was saying. Merida reacted first.

‘Give me the gun. They don’t know it’s not loaded. We may still work with that.’

Robert gave her the revolver immediately and Belle saw that his hand was trembling. Then he reached for her.

‘Belle, it’s okay. It’s all fine, you didn’t mean any harm. It’s fine. We’ll think of something, okay? Come here.’

She had a distinct feeling that he was saying something he told many times before, probably to Neal, sometimes not really believing in it but putting on an optimistic facade for the boy’s sake. And if that wasn’t brave, Belle didn’t know what was. It just made her cry harder when she landed in his arms. Despite everything, this closeness felt good. She messed up so much, but he was just hugging her and talking to her like he'd talk to his son. Gods, she had never felt more ashamed in her life.

‘It’s okay, Belle.’ She heard him whisper in her hair. ‘We’ll make it. You’ll see.’


	30. Chapter 30

 

 

* * *

 

 

They were in troubles. They were in such a big troubles. Gold tried to not tremble, Belle might have picked up on that, and he tried to calm her down. But yes, they were in such a big, terrible, unsolvable troubles. Even with the gun, they would be in troubles. Gold wanted to believe that cops would find them, but if they failed at pursuing them, then what chance did they have to find Zelena and Hades’ secret hideout?

‘I’m sorry, Robert,’ Belle whispered. ‘I really am.’

‘No, no, sweetheart. No need to be sorry.’

‘Yes, it is.’ Belle sighed. ‘I thought I know better. I should have known better, but I didn’t.’

‘No, darling,’ Gold said desperately. Belle shouldn’t feel guilty for what was his fault from the beginning. ‘You did what you thought was best. You... you wanted to make me a better person. You still believed that I can be a better person. That is much more than I deserve.’

Belle erupted with new tears, reaching with her hand to his face, cradling his cheek gently.

‘There are much better ways to... to teach you. And I’m not even sure if I wanted to teach you the right thing. I mostly wanted to stop being afraid.’

‘I... I’m so sorry for making you afraid,’ he whispered.

‘Oh, Robert. But maybe it’s not just because of what you’re doing. Maybe it’s also what I’m thinking. I don’t know. Everybody always told me that I must be careful, that I might be hurt easily, that most people, that most men don’t care about others, about women. You were such a sweetheart when we met. So gentle and unassuming and I couldn’t imagine you being this criminal you claimed to be. I decided to trust instincts. But somehow, over time, my instincts went silent. Something happened to us, something bad. And then you told me you went back to Regina. I was scared. I was scared that I was wrong from the beginning. That I let down everybody who tried so hard to protect me. Do you understand?’

‘Belle...’ he just gathered her into her arms. ‘I’m sorry that you were so afraid. I thought you feel safe with me before... I never realized... You were always so brave. So open. I didn’t expect that... that anyone would want me. What for? Who would ever love me? But you did. You were the best thing that happened to me since Neal...’ His voice faltered on the mention of his dear boy. ‘I love you, Belle. But of course you don’t have to tell me the same,’ he added quickly.

‘I love you too,’ she said quietly anyway, making his heart go quicker. ‘Even if we’re not together.’

And they wouldn’t be together again, even if they somehow did escape Zelena. Too much happened. Still, to hear that Belle loved him was like a miracle he never dared to hope for and could scarcely believe.

He lost count of time. It seemed like a small eternity when they sat in the basement, quiet, Belle cuddled up to him, Merida playing absentmindedly with the revolver. At least at the end he could hold Belle once more. But nothing could have changed the fact that it was the end and that it wouldn’t be so if he didn’t drag Belle into his mess, his criminal past, his criminal present to be more precise, and she was going to pay the price, just as once upon a time Neal had.

When the door creaked, he startled, almost jumping up.

‘My, my, what a sweet picture', Zelena crooned.

‘Don’t move or I shoot you!’ Merida cried at the same moment. ‘I’m not joking!’

‘Awww...’ Zelena cooed mockingly. ‘We must do something about that.’

Merida saw the glimpse of another gun, just behind Zelena, and barely managed to jump aside when Hades shoot.

‘You won’t succeed!’ Merida shouted. ‘I’ll make sure you won’t be able to hurt my brothers.’

‘It’s so moving when your opponent has something worth fighting for,’ Zelena laughed. ‘But you know what? You made me loose what was worth so much for me. I think you should lose your thing. I mean, things. All three of them.’

Merida shouted something in rage and fired the revolver at Zelena. But of course, the shots were blank.

‘Oh, something’s wrong?’ Zelena asked. ‘Didn’t I mention that we can hear what’s going on in this room. I simply looooved, when little ex-wife here admitted what she’s done. It was just what I needed after an evening like this!’

She send mocking kiss in the direction of Belle and Gold. Gold just tightened his grip on Belle’s arms. Merida looked at Zelena with pure, helpless hatred.

‘Okay, now it’s time to get to business,’ Zelena announced. ‘First, stand up. Chop chop, don’t keep me waiting. You don’t want to make me more angry than I already am.’

Belle stood up first, then helped Gold. She didn’t say anything, but kept her hand gripping his.

‘Yeees, I think we’ll start with the little wife,’ Zelena said, confirming all of the worst predictions Gold had made. ‘Come here, girl!’

Zelena reached for Belle. In the same moment Gold lunged for Zelena, trying to not think, just act. Thinking was difficult anyway with the level of terror clouding his mind. So he just tackled Zelena on the ground and concentrated on keeping her there.

The next shot made him jump and a sharp pain in his hand made him let Zelena go.

‘Robert!!!’ He heard Belle’s voice, then felt her arms around him, but the pain in his wrist was making it hard to open his eyes. Indeed, Hades was an exquisite shooter and a careful planner. He didn’t want to do anything that would land him in a prison for too long, so he tried to avoid killing anyone. Or, perhaps, he simply didn’t want to risk hitting Zelena any more than he had to.

He felt Belle tying up his hand in some soft fabric, tightening the knot painfully. But better to suffer some pain than to bleed out to death. He just buried his face in Belle’s shoulder.

‘Alright,’ Zelena said, ‘this ends now. Shoot anyone who moves, just like you had shoot Gold's pathetic son!’ she told Hades.

‘Do it and I shoot you,’ said a new voice. Belle and Merida gasped. Gold forced his eyes open.

Graham from Homicide Division was standing in the door, his gun pointed at Hades’ head. And behind him, with an awfully smug expression on her face, stood Regina.


	31. Chapter 31

 

* * *

 

 

‘Hello, sister dear,’ Regina chirped. ‘How good to see you again.’

Zelena whirled around to look at her, taking instinctive step back when she saw another police officer pointing gun on her.

‘How did you find us?!’ she shrieked. Belle listened too, curious herself.

‘Oh, our dear mother helped us.’ Regina said smugly. ‘What a coincidence really! I just happened to find some notes she kept on your dear lover here. You wouldn’t believe. This is one of the three hideouts she mentioned. It’s only because of that we are so late to the party. That’s the second one we checked and I must admit the less probable one.’

Zelena looked at her with murder in her eyes.

‘So what, you sold me to the police, you bitch?!’

‘Yes, and gladly so. One little call from the Mansion to the police and here we are, finally. This way I’ll walk free, while you two rot in prison. Abducting the cop, really. And you know what? Mother mentioned the little black notebook that your lover uses for ahhh, book-keeping and always carries on himself. I imagine that this would suffice for a fabulous evidence and solve many cold cases. Like murdering Neal Gold, don’t you think?’

Belle noticed that Regina’s gaze wandered to Robert for a moment. Robert sighed weakly, Belle felt wetness where his cheek was resting on her shoulder and gently run fingers through his hair.

The next half an hour felt like a blur to Belle – police arresting Zelena and Hades, restraining them when they tried to run anyway, then ambulance arriving and the ride with Robert to the hospital. Graham escorted them personally and then they were met by Emma there. The doctors whisked Robert away to surgery, to try and repair what bullet did to his wrist, and while it didn’t seem life-threatening, Belle anxiously wondered if the hand wasn’t damaged irreparably. Now she had to wait, and Emma waited with her. What’s more, Regina joined them, but Belle felt that she somehow earned this. If not for Regina, they might be dead already and the enormity of it still didn’t sank properly with Belle. For now she avoided both Emma’s and Regina’s gaze, afraid of comments they might make. Merida had a chance to explain everything to Graham and Regina heard it. And Graham surely related it to Emma, Belle saw them talking.

Belle saw Emma tiredly rubbed her face. Waiting for the surgery to end couldn’t bode well with her. Not after she waited for Neal all those years ago just to learn that he died, Belle heard about it from Robert. When Emma turned to Belle with irritation in her voice, it wasn’t very surprising.

’So you lied to him about my gun being loaded? Why? Was it just to provoke him to do something you considered ‘brave’ while he tried to keep you safe? Despite him being the one with actual experience with criminals? I hope you’re not surprised that he finally got injured protecting you. And I don’t think he would thank you for tricking him, more likely he should be angry about taking away his agency and without that you can’t talk about bravery anyway.′

Belle felt herself flushing, because Robert basically did it – thanked her for not giving up on him. It was such a mess.

Emma took a deep breath and tried to sound a little more leveled.

‘I can sort of understand that when Gold panics you need something drastic to get him to pay attention to you, and he really helped with pointing Merlin to where Zelena hid, but Belle, you are so lucky to be alive at all. I almost hope that now he’s not able to handle a gun efficiently, having his right wrist shattered by bullet like that, at least you won’t make him do anything that dangerous.’

Belle cringed and lowered her head. Emma was tired and angry, she had right to snap.

‘I just wanted to... to...' Belle struggled for words. 'I just wanted him to learn something from that.’

‘You just thought you know better,’ Regina cut in sharply.

‘No! I just... Shouldn’t I know? Even if everybody insist on treating me like a child, I...’

‘You wanted to prove you’re adult by tampering with a gun before going into a place where you might need to defend yourself.’

‘We weren’t supposed to need it. We weren’t going to look for Zelena. Robert didn’t want to tell the police where the vault is because of all the things that might have lead them to you, Regina. Be grateful!’

‘I am. To Gold. Why the gun at all, then?’

‘He was afraid to go, especially with me.’

‘And you just had to go?’

‘How else would I be sure he’d do it?’

‘Well, if you couldn’t trust him with that, did you think that you would be able to force him just by going with him? Did you have any idea what he was going to do?’

‘No,’ Belle admitted, forcing the tears back. ‘But anyway, I could do something in case of... something. Instead of waiting and wondering if I’m going to be stupid, lied to child again.’

‘Back to being a child,’ Regina sighed. ‘Maybe it’s something you do, not other people?’

‘Like what?’ Belle asked angrily. ‘I’m doing all I can to do everything by herself! I can’t do more! Why isn’t it enough?’

‘Do you seriously imagine that adult people are doing everything by themselves and never need help?’ Emma asked quietly. ‘That’s got to be the most childish thing I’ve heard for a very long time. Even my little son knows better.’

Well, yes, to be honest, Belle had thought she should be able to handle it all by herself. Right? That’s what adult and responsible people do, take care of things themselves? Though she had to admit, there was a point in what Emma said. If Belle wanted to list all the times other people asked for help or failed to do something, she would have to conclude that no one is an adult, and no one can take care of him or herself. But...

‘But... that’s other people... I mean, that’s in general.’ she said weakly. ‘I should do better with what really happened.’

Regina scowled.

‘Like, do better that everyone else without learning things first? Isn’t that a little bit too haughty?’

Belle flushed a deep red. Was it? Was it all just about being proud that she can do everything better, was this why she thought she should do everything better? No one forced her to be the best. On the contrary, her parents and teachers treated her like a wonder already. She almost never had to be criticized or corrected in her schoolwork, and she was just a polite girl, who didn’t enjoy making troubles. She got used to being a wonder, to expect that from herself. Did she grow overconfident? Or rather, did she come to the conclusion that if she’s not perfect, then others wouldn’t treat her not only like a wonder, but like she was any good? There were such a lot things others praised her for, such a lot they were expecting of her. When new challenges appeared it was only natural to assume she shouldn’t have any problems with these as well. But maybe she could?

‘If you think about whining how you should have known better about what you just now learned, do it only in your head, please,’ Regina said. ‘The rest of us has to contend with the knowledge that we make mistakes simply because we’re not perfect and that learning something is a very hard work that takes time. But if you’re not used to it, then spare me the drama, I have better problems to manage.’

Belle almost retorted something angry about Regina being unfair. That’s what people should do, right, be able to defend when someone attacks them? On the other hand, Belle just then managed to accuse herself of being blind while she should have known better, so maybe Regina had a point?... Anyway, the conclusion was rather illuminating. Belle took a deep breath.

‘Okay, I just want to admit that there were many things that I could have done differently. I’ll learn from that.’

Emma nodded, still glaring at Belle, though without anger already.

‘Good. I’m sure you can do that. No more messes like this one. I don’t need another rescue mission or any crap like this... Though I suppose it might have been worse.’

‘Aaand that’s not my fault at aaall,’ Regina chimed in, almost cheerfully, earning a glare from Belle, and from Emma as well. ‘What? I’ve earned some slack, right? And as soon as Graham finishes paperwork, me and Tink are gone from the city. The Enchanted Forest is destroyed, the employees and patrons either jailed or on their way to be pardoned with me... You can tell Gold that he doesn’t need to worry about Dove and Jefferson. Mal too, of course. Tink mentioned that her old friend Locksley looks for business partners in some new project. I might be interested.’


	32. Chapter 32

 

 

* * *

 

 

Awakening after the surgery was not a pleasant one. Gold opened his eyes to see a white-clad person hovering over him.

‘What are you doing back here, Gold?’ nurse Lucas asked sharply. ‘The leg was not enough?’

‘I don’t need to listen to you,’ Gold said, shaking his head, trying to force his brain into thinking.

‘Oh, you don’t? Right, you rather need to think long and hard how you hurt poor Belle.’

‘That’s not something you can comment on. You know nothing.’

Gold felt his voice tremble and tried to muster all his strength to not show any weakness.

‘I know everything about men like you, Gold. You’re nothing but egoistical little crap, taking advantage of a good girl, who was naïve enough to trust you. You’re a criminal and you don’t care how much Belle suffered because of you, only how much she can do for you. She deserves someone much, much better, who won’t take an advantage of her.’

‘You can let Belle decide,’ he said blandly, already rapidly losing conviction.

Nurse Lucas laughed.

‘She decided. You’re divorced. It’s you who can’t understand that. If you plan on insisting that she loves you, then God help me, I don’t know what I’m going to do to you. She finally managed to be independent, don’t hurt her any more.’

‘It’s the last thing I want.’

‘Maybe you think so. But the things you do want are hurting her anyway,’ nurse Lucas said bitterly. ‘Sometimes you could try at least a bit to think about others, not only about yourself.’

With that she left him. Only then he noticed stares of other men in the room and ashamed curled up with his face to the wall, hiding beneath the blanket, letting his tears fall, albeit silently. The pain from the wrist was a welcome distraction, reminding him that at least he was hurt while defending Belle, that she held him, that she said that she loved him even if they couldn’t be together. It was enough, had to be. Still, he couldn’t force out of his mind the dread of what would happen now that he has not only leg, but also a hand injured. How was he supposed to support himself? Aunties probably would offer to keep him, but he was a grown man, not one of their kids, and he needed to be able to work, to be useful.

He ignored the steps when he heard them, but then someone gently laid a hand on his shoulder.

‘Robert?’ Belle whispered. He whirled to face her, sitting up despite the room swaying slightly.

‘Belle!’ he whispered in awe. ‘You came for me!’

‘Of course...’ she said, with a bit of surprise, but rubbing his shoulder reassuringly. ‘Of course I came. Aunties know too, they will be here to see you tomorrow, with children. You’re not alone.’

‘No, not alone,’ he whispered in awe. ‘Not this time.’

Belle’s smile faltered. But before he managed to apologize, she asked:

‘Are you up to talking? Maybe just rest for now? I’m not going anywhere. Lie down. Please.’

He obeyed, how could he not obey her when she was here with him, looking with such sweet concern. He was ready to do everything she’d ask.

‘We can talk, sweetheart. Whatever you want, Belle.’

‘I wanted to apologize, for that gun. I shouldn’t have done it. And now you are hurt.’

‘No, no, Belle, I told you. No need to apologize.’

Belle shook her head and smiled weakly.

‘I think there is the need. It’s okay, I’m learning from my mistakes. Don’t feel bad for it.’

Gold nodded equally weakly.

‘I should apologize too. I’ve started the whole mess. You could have been killed...’ His voice faltered at that.

‘Shh, I’m alive. If someone is at fault, it’s Zelena. And she’s safely arrested along with that man.’

‘I wanted to apologize for... everything. I should have done it a long time ago, though of course I know that it doesn’t repair anything. For hurting you. For everything that... that made you divorce me. I guess it was just a matter of time, but I’m still very sorry. I wanted to deserve you, really. I’m just too weak, I know it. It’s okay, it really is. I accepted it a long time ago. I’m just sorry that I kept hurting you because of that.’

He sighed and relaxed on the pillow, closing his eyes and waiting for her to say goodbye and leave, now that it was all finally said aloud. He allowed the tears to slid down his cheeks. Belle was safe again and it was all that mattered. It was so good to know that Zelena couldn’t hurt her anymore and he would remove himself from Belle’s life as he should. In comparison to the days right after divorce, threat from Zelena really put things into perspective. Now he could stop pitying himself, he could just be glad that Belle is safe.

‘Robert...’ Belle said, taking his good hand. ‘I... I don’t think it’s that simple. It’s not exactly like I’m an... an angel or totally helpless or something, and you do nothing but hurt me.’

‘Belle, you don’t have to make it look better for me that it really is,’ Gold tried to smile reassuringly and opened his eyes to look at her for a few moments longer. ‘I’ll survive. I destroyed what we had so completely, that there is no way further. Only apart. I understand it.’

His lips trembled belying his words, but he hoped that Belle didn’t notice.

‘Only apart? I mean... Even back then, you didn’t seem interested in working on it.’

He blinked.

‘What do you mean?...’

‘When... when you were hurt, for example. You left Ruby’s house without a word.’

‘Of course. You didn’t want me there. I know better than... than to force you.’

‘It felt more like you didn’t care about me. Like you’ve decided to go to Regina permanently with not a single regret.’

‘Belle, no! Oh no, I didn’t want you to feel like that. I was trying to do what you wanted, what was best!’

He flailed his good hand around, trying to make up his mind if touching Belle’s arm was an appropriate thing.

‘I wanted you to be back to the man I knew and loved,’ she sighed.

‘I’m sorry I couldn’t be that,’ he said quietly. ‘And I won’t try to convince anyone that I can. Now, really, you should leave me. You shouldn’t be the... the women tied to a man that constantly hurts you. You are better than that. You know that there is no sense in fighting lost battles, in deluding yourself that one day your man would change for you. It is better to leave, find better life. You deserve it. And you have friends who will support you in that.’

Belle shook her head, looking at him sadly.

‘Am I really that? A dependent woman who allows her man to hurt her because she’s too afraid to leave him? Lying to herself that she’s not suffering or that it’s just for their, his good and it’s alright?’

‘If you can leave me, then no,’ he said gently. ‘Please, do it.’


	33. Chapter 33

 

 

* * *

 

 

Belle blinked. Alright, she asked and he answered. But still, she didn’t like the answer. Especially the deathly serious tone and one hundred percent complete conviction behind it.

‘I did leave you, you know?’ she sighed. ‘Still, it wasn’t a good parting. Can we talk? Just talk, with no... plans? No plans for the future? For now let’s talk about past, would that be okay?’

‘Whatever you want, Belle.’

It felt good to be able to just talk, surprisingly so. Belle wasn’t aware of how good until just now. To not feel the pressure to act. To not anticipate what would happen next. To not wonder what others would say and how would they react, to not plan her actions accordingly. Robert clearly didn’t expect anything from her and it was kind of liberating and contagious.

She smiled slightly.

‘Okay. I’m not sure where to start, though. Maybe... maybe you could tell me more about what happened back then, at the very beginning, with Regina, when you went to help her?’

Robert inhaled deeply, eyes shifting around the room. Belle moved closer to him, so he could whisper without being heard by other patients.

‘I... I was going home from work, it was an evening. She was in a car, stopped by, called to me. She said she was in trouble. That without my help she could die. And I believed her, we knew each other for such a long time. But she... she is capable to enforce her way. If she felt it’s the only, or even just the best, way to save herself, she... And it was about Zelena. She implied that much. Belle, if Zelena took over... well, I mean, now you know what if. Helping Regina was supposed to prevent that.’

Well, yes, now Belle knew. She hoped that the mad woman will stay in prison for the rest of her life.

‘Later, when... when you were at Ruby’s and I went to help her again, I learned that she was meeting with a cop. So, it seemed that all Regina wanted this time was to turn her sister to the police. She made a deal with the cops the moment she discovered Sidney’s treachery. She promised them Zelena. But before she could do it, her own people betrayed her and threw her out. She couldn’t go to the cops with empty hands. I believe it was then when you met her, hurt. I wasn’t there when it happened. When she dealt with Sidney, I got hurt. She dropped me at Victor’s, that was when you were there, and after that she let me go, I haven't seen her until the day Tink came for me to auties' home. She thought that she was safe, but Sidney wasn’t the only one collaborating with Zelena as it turned out.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me about that deal with police? I mean, when you came to Victor for help. You just disappeared before I even woke up.’

‘I didn’t think it would change anything, Belle... I failed you already. I heard what Ruby told you, that you don't have to sacrifice anything for me. I was afraid that you would hate me even more for the excuses. And what else it would be if not excuses. Regina was doing it out of self-preservation, not any sense of justice.’

‘You know, self-preservation doesn't seem that bad to me now. At least it's better that simply murdering Zelena out of spite or jealousy.’

‘I don’t think Regina would be able to do that. At the end of the day, they are sisters. Notice that Zelena also didn’t kill Regina, only threw her out. Though it might have much to do with having the other one witness the success and suffer...’

‘I was afraid that you were going to murder Zelena. Or someone else that Regina will tell you to murder,’ Belle blurted out.

Robert paled.

‘I’m not a murderer...’ he protested weakly. ‘Hades is a murderer, a hit man. I don’t want to kill. These three men I killed, and everyone that I hurt... they attacked first or I was sure they would given a chance.’

‘Yes, you were Regina’s bodyguard.' Belle sighed. 'It’s obvious what the job entails.’

‘Yes, of course.’ Robert sighed too. ‘But don’t make it sound as if I enjoyed killing.’

‘What did you enjoy then?’

‘Power,’ he said quietly. ‘After whole life of being nothing, suddenly I had respect. At first it was just as a chemist, working in laboratory, knowing how to do what others needed. Then one of Regina’s bodyguards was killed and she needed someone urgently. I was meant to be that accidental, one-time fill-in. I was scared sick, but also afraid to refuse Regina. Dove was the other one. He showed me how to use a gun. And that evening I killed for the first time. The man tried to kill Regina and then us. Dove killed his associate. Other times were just like that. I had a very good aim. Somehow I gained a reputation. A reputation that was intoxicating for a coward like me. As long as I wore the suits and carried a gun, I was someone. No one dared to cross me.’

‘You know I can’t be okay with killing.’

‘I know,’ Robert nodded. ‘You are right.’

‘I... I was afraid that you want to be that... killer. I felt so left out. Apparently there was more that being criminal could offer to you than I could.’

‘That’s not true,’ Robert argued, with tears in his eyes. ‘I love you with all my heart. I wanted to help Regina, so she wouldn’t get killed and to ensure Zelena wouldn’t win. I wanted to keep you safe.’

‘Why didn’t you explain that to me?’

‘I...’ he blinked helplessly. ‘I tried to explain. I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to do it better.’

Belle felt something like a fear sneaking in her thoughts. Did he try? She certainly remember him telling her that Regina is a friend he want to help, that if he wouldn’t help Regina, she might be hurt, even that he was doing it all for her. But she still heard that he wanted to go kill people, that he already went there without caring what she might think of it.

‘I didn’t want you to keep me safe if the price was killing someone, Robert. But you've already decided and I didn’t have any voice.’

‘I’m sorry. I honestly don’t see any other solution. What else was I supposed to do? I couldn't leave Regina to die and you, us, being in danger from Zelena.’

Tears leaked on his cheeks, and as if a new thought struck him, he panicky tried to wipe off the tears, to stop crying.

‘I don’t know, but we could have discussed it together. I wanted to... But you didn’t. Robert... Robert? Hey...’

He was trying to turn away, hide, suddenly scared and Belle didn’t understand what made him so.

‘Robert, please.’

Eventually she sat closer and tried to hug him, but he shifted away.

‘Belle, you don’t have to, I’m sorry!...’ he whispered so quickly that she barely caught what he said.

‘Robert, I don’t understand!’ she hissed, trying to keep impatience away from her voice. ‘What’s going on?’

‘I know you don’t want me to cry, you’re right to hate that. I’m sorry. I’m trying. I’m weak, oh I know that it’s no excuse, I’m sorry. I know you wanted to talk and I’m making it impossible, I’m sorry!’

Belle listened with a dismay to all that hushed and hurried babbling. Gods, was that what he thought? That she hated that he needed to cry? After all he’s been through? That she was angry at him for that?

‘I tried to be better, Belle. I tried so hard! I will try. Really, I promise.’ Robert was still going on and Belle shook him gently.

‘Robert, you can cry...’

‘No!’ he interrupted her, loud, then looked around and continued in a whisper. ‘You told me that we need to talk with words, not tears.’

That Belle remembered. She told him this indeed, in desperate hope of making him explain. He was sobbing when she was leaving their flat and she was proud of herself for being strong and protecting herself from any harm that he could cause her by dominating her.

Now however, he didn’t seem all that threatening. Now he was more like a broken, suffering man, trying to do everything to please her and being scared when failing. She remembered how scared she was when he went to Zelena before New Year Ball and how scared he was when she showed up in the ballroom. Probably when he agreed to help Regina it was the same fear motivating him – fear of losing her, of losing Regina. Reluctantly, Belle was starting to accept that Regina was a legitimate object of his care, now that she met the woman and, ah, shared a complicated history with her herself. Fear doubled by what happened to Neal.

It made her feel a bit stronger.

‘I'm sorry for this, Robert. I only wanted to say that we need to talk before you decide something that concerns us both, especially with something this important. That we need to... to be a team.’

‘A team?’ he sobbed. ‘How?’

‘By letting me in. By sharing. I hated that feeling that you consider me unworthy of any explanation or too stupid to have a valid opinion.’

‘I... I didn’t. I didn’t thought that. And there was no time. And you didn’t know what we were facing. It was for you.’

‘Yes, I hear that. But I’m not a child to have things done for me. I can do something as well.’

It sounded a little childish and reminded Belle of the earlier conversation with Regina and Emma. And of the simple fact that they were in a hospital because Robert’s right wrist was shot through when he defended her, while she removed bullets from his gun to teach him a lesson.

‘Okay,’ she admitted. ‘Maybe I don’t know everything. But you can explain things to me.’

‘I tried,’ he repeated. ‘The best I could. And you still were angry because you didn’t agree with me.’ Then he took a deep breath, apparently deciding to do something. ‘I was always afraid when you didn’t agree with me,’ he admitted. ‘I was always afraid that it’s the moment you see what a pathetic creature I am and leave me. I guess now, when you did, it doesn’t matter anymore... But I really tried to do my best to please you, always. It’s just that your safety goes first.’

Well, if Robert really was a controlling, dominating man, he was doing it in an exceptionally unconventional manner. For a moment he seemed more like an overprotective parent and a scared child rolled into one. Despite everything, it was thrilling to see and hear what he never showed her before.

‘I... I tried to do everything as you wished,’ he was continuing. ‘Even if it hurt, like when you were telling me to not be sad about Neal.’

‘What?’ Belle was pulled out of her thoughts by this statement. ‘Why... No, oh, no, Robert, I didn’t mean it like that! I wasn’t forbidding you to be sad! I just wanted to help you to get better! I though you did get better!’

‘I tried, really.’ He took a deep breath. ‘But I don’t think it helped.’

With that he broke down into tears once again.


	34. Chapter 34

 

 

* * *

 

‘Oh, Robert,’ Belle said tenderly and this time he allowed her to gather him into a hug. Gods, it felt so good to be held by Belle. No matter that he was making a spectacle of himself, or that Belle would be rightfully disappointed that he’s crying like a child instead of talking like she wanted. He didn’t have enough strength to protest, to tell her that she didn’t have to put up with him, that it didn’t change the fact that she should finally leave him and be happy.

He cried until he felt dizzy and Belle guided him to lie down.

‘Sleep, Robert. I’ll come tomorrow. We both need rest now.’

He nodded and smiled. Even if she didn’t come tomorrow, his last memory of her would be being held in her arms. That was more than he deserved.

Nurse Lucas apparently wasn’t on duty next day and Gold sighed in relief seeing another woman in her place. He was supposed to stay here until the next day, so chances of meeting nurse Lucas again were unfortunately high. But if he put all his strength into it, he might be able to ignore her reasonably well. Belle mentioned also that aunties knew about his situation and were planning to visit him, so that was something to look for, even if he wondered how would he keep up his job with one hand injured. Aunties surely would think of something that could satisfy everybody. They had very good ideas and Gold learned to rely on them surprisingly quick.

During the lunch he started to wonder if maybe he heard wrong. But then again, children were surely at school and aunties would bring them later. He didn’t dare to wonder if maybe Belle would come too. When he heard the footsteps, he turned hopefully towards the door, but quickly he averted his eyes. It was nurse Lucas. He caught her sour expression and hostile look, and tried to make himself invisible. It didn’t work, though.

‘I’ve heard from my colleagues that Belle was here yesterday evening, just after my shift ended. Didn’t anything I’ve said make enough impression on you?’

‘It’s not your business,’ Gold said defensively, hoping that she would go away. That hope was however slim at best.

‘I will have the talk with Belle as soon as possible. She should not continue this, foolish girl. And you can go back to your criminal bunch of friends. I’ve been telling her from the very beginning that she’s making a big mistake. But I guess it takes an experience to know the true colors of the likes of you.’

‘I don’t know what experience you have, but what can you know about me?’

‘Much more than I’d like. But at least I can save that poor girl from the suffering you would bring her. You are a bad, egoistical, rotten man, and it serves you good to...’

‘Excuse me,’ an icy voice cut in. ‘Why are you telling all these disgusting things to my nephew?’

Nurse Lucas turned her head sharply to look who was that and Gold almost got up and hug auntie Natalie for appearing in such a moment.

‘Nephew?’ nurse Lucas managed. ‘He is your nephew?’

‘Yes. You didn’t answer me.’

‘Because it is the truth. Do you even know what he did to his poor wife?’

‘Belle? I do. I think it’s not your businesses.’

‘Oh so you condone this?’

‘This?’ auntie Natalie raised her eyebrows. ‘I fear you might be missing some pieces of the story. And I believe that he and Belle are capable of solving their problems without your... help.’

‘No, I don’t think so. And I’ll make sure that Belle won’t get near him again.’

‘Granny?...’ Belle came in just in the right moment to hear the last sentence.

‘Belle, we’re leaving,’ Granny said reaching her hand to catch Belle by arm.

‘I’m not leaving,’ Belle protested, taking a step back.

‘Yes, you are, stupid girl.’

‘Stupid girl? Oh, Granny.’ Belle took a deep breath. Gold couldn’t tear eyes from her, watching in suspense what would she do.

‘Only a stupid girl would willingly be with a man who hurt her, a criminal and a killer. Now come. You can stay with Ruby tonight. Obviously you need to not be alone.’

‘Obviously I need to be left alone by you,’ Belle hissed. ‘You are far more controlling than... than even Regina. Right now you are hurting me.’

‘That may be. It’s for your own good.’

‘Maybe you could stop doing things for my own good? I didn’t ask you to.’

‘Oh really?’ Granny said in a low voice. ‘I didn’t ask once upon a time as well. You don’t want to hear how I suffered. Then my own daughter didn’t ask too, just like you, haughty girl who thought she know everything better. You know what happened? She’s long dead. So forgive me if I can’t take you seriously.’

Granny reached for Belle’s arm again, but Belle dodged that and demonstratively marched up to Gold, sitting on his bed and taking his good hand in hers.

‘You don’t have to, Granny. But you won’t control me either. If I’m making a mistake, so be it. I have right to do it.’

‘I believe the girl spoke her mind,’ auntie Natalie said. ‘Please leave. If you do, I won’t report to the doctor how badly you’re overstepping your professional ethics.’

Granny shook her head, looking sadly at Belle, clearly convinced that the worst is going to happen. Gold felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest, but Belle was holding his hand in a steady grip, so at least she wasn’t going to be dominated or hurt by Granny and also she didn’t mean any harm to him.

‘Uncle Robert!’ Pete called appearing in the door, and then suddenly a swarm of children flooded the room, climbing on his bed, followed by auntie Marjorie telling them good-naturedly to behave.

Gold caught one more look from Granny, indiscernible but intense, before she vanished in the corridor. Then he devoted all his attention to the children, aunties and Belle, not noticing that the two other patients were gaping at them with wide eyes and for a very long time now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go!
> 
> Also, to people who think that it's weak or disgusting for Gold to cry etc. as often as he does because of being overwhelmed by emotions, fears and difficulties. Sure, men have stricter cultural norm for this. But is it really fair or most important here? You deal with the trauma etc. the way you can, and if you need to cry it's nothing wrong. Saying it's disgusting is just plain harmful, even if right now we're talking about fictional character. I hope that's all visible in story, but I feel the need to say it explicitly.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end chapter. Thanks for reading, for kudos and comments. I hope you enjoyed the story. :)

 

 

* * *

 

'I was hoping we could talk some more,' Belle said, looking at Robert with hope. They were back in aunties' Victorian, Robert being released this day from the hospital. Belle and auntie Natalie escorted him home and Belle was still impressed by the awe she saw in his eyes. Aunties invited her to the dinner and then she somehow stayed talking with them, Robert sitting there too, but not really contributing to the discussion. Now aunties said goodnight and left them alone.

'Of course,' he said at once.

'If you're too tired, we can talk tomorrow, though.'

'You would come tomorrow?'

The disbelieving joy in his voice was unmistakable.

'Yes, I can come. Well, let's talk some now, and we can always finish tomorrow, okay?'

'Okay,' he nodded.

Belle remembered their last conversation in this room, but now, somehow, she wasn't angry. She felt calm, actually, probably because she wasn't afraid. Not of him, anyway. She also talked with Ruby on the phone earlier today and Ruby thankfully was on her side, even if she tried to justify Granny too much for Belle's taste. On the other hand, Belle supposed that she would forgive Granny too, as long as the woman wouldn't try to intrude any more. That thought reminded her that she wanted to clear the topic with Robert as well.

'Well, I wanted to ask you about Granny. I knew she was a nurse there and you told me about the first time you've been there, but still... I came late, I feel like I don't have the whole picture. What was happening yesterday?'

Robert looked at the carpet. It wasn't a good sign.

'Nurse Lucas... wanted to protect you.'

'Yes, that I know. She told me that pretty straightforward, yesterday and during Christmas. I wanted to ask what did she told you.'

'Nothing you don't know. That I hurt you and I should stay away. Pretty reasonable.'

'You think so?'

Robert looked at her, eyes shining.

'Yes. I told you that too.'

'Maybe you could let me decide? After I fought with Granny to be able to?'

'I don't want you to get hurt, Belle. And you did decide. You did left me. Why are we talking about that?'

'I left you because I felt like you don't think I'm important. All talk about my safety aside, you didn't left me any choice. Like you would have it your way without any care if you hurt me in the process. I was afraid of being forced into... into being obedient, silent... I want to be respected, to be equal.'

Robert sighed, a little shakily.

'I'm sorry, Belle. I never wanted you to feel like that. I wanted you to have everything, to be happy, safe... But what should I have done? I wanted you, and Regina, to be safe.'

'I don't know. Maybe if I let you talk more... If I were a little less afraid. I felt like I was losing control over my life. I needed to get it back, quickly. Going to Ruby helped me with that a bit. But then you were gone, and even if you showed up hurt, you disappeared. I couldn't help but think the worst.'

'I thought you don't want to... That I couldn't done anything. I decided to carry on, because it was more important for you to be safe than to be with me. I was so angry at Regina for messing my life, but she just told me that she didn't force me to do anything. She was right, I guess, I just care about her. Can't help that, even if I'm afraid of her and what she might do to me, to us.'

Oh God, Belle sighed inwardly. Talk about being dependent.

'It still leaves the matter of killing,' Belle said carefully. 'I don't know, I need to... to be somehow sure, that you don't think killing is okay.'

'It's okay if you defend someone,' Robert said. 'Someone you care about.'

'But you said you liked the power that comes from that.'

'Not exactly from that... More from... the whole thing, the reputation. And I was useful then, both working as a chemist and bodyguard. I always have been such a disappointment that it sort of... went into my head. I felt like drunk on it, being seen as a powerful man. I didn't have to cower in fear. I didn't have to watch out when another person will strike me for being a pathetic excuse of whatever I was supposed to be at the moment. So yes, I was ready to kill to defend Regina. But I never killed for pleasure, or to eliminate someone inconvenient. I guess Regina didn't want me to, but I actually doubt she did either, or that she ordered such things. Cora did, no doubt, maybe then Regina just didn't have to. Fortunately. And when Cora was at the head of things, I was a mere chemist, rescued by Regina from the gutter.'

'Well, that's kind of reassuring,' Belle said, sincerely. 'Do you... do you regret doing it?'

Robert bit his lips.

'Yes, I regret I hurt people. But I don't regret feeling powerful. Being worth something for a change. It's a pity I never managed to be so without harming others. It's the same with you, Belle. I wanted to protect you, to do what a man is supposed to do, but as you told me, I hurt you. And I'm still the same weak man, so if we were together I would still hurt you. But the only moments I really wanted to kill again, or rather when I ever really wanted to kill, was when the police wouldn't, or couldn't I suppose, catch Zelena so she could answer for killing Neal. It felt like my boy wasn't important and like I wasn't a good father letting that pass. I needed to do something and who could help me? The cops failed, they probably just didn't care enough, like... like everybody, ever. I felt so alone.' His voice hitches, tears trailing on his cheeks. 'Yes, I hoped I could help Regina defeat Zelena. Not necessarily kill, but somehow prove her fault and get her arrested for life. Now she finally is, and that murderer with her...'

Belle followed her instincts and sat next to him, gathering him into a hug, not giving him a chance to protest. After a long moment, he relaxed marginally.

'Belle?'

'Why didn't we have this conversation earlier?' Belle said, her voice breaking.

'I'm sorry...'

'No, no, it's not an accusation. I just regret we didn't. It would spare us a lot of pain. I was afraid of being weak too, so I acted like I thought a strong woman would. I suspected you of... of the worst version of everything when I didn't know something. I thought I have to in order to avoid being hurt.'

Robert shyly put his arms around her waist.

'Oh Belle, you are not weak. And you did trust me once, when we married. I was amazing, it felt impossible. It was like you gave me a whole world. No one, save for Neal, did that, ever.'

Belle sniffled.

'I'm sorry I... I lost faith in you. I'm not sure why. Somehow I felt like you are far away, like you are someone different.'

'I'm sorry too. I was afraid. I think maybe that's why... I wanted you to... to approve of me. To not be disappointed. You were so strong, so sure. I was afraid you would see how pathetic I am and leave. I couldn't believe it is all real.'

'I never thought you are weak or pathetic. I loved it that you are quiet and unassuming, not boasting and telling people what to do.'

'Oh... I didn't know.'

They were silent for some time, cuddled together, staring ahead at the fireplace.

'So you were afraid of telling me what you thought I wouldn't like...' Belle said at last, sadly. 'But I get an impression that it was different with aunties. Was it? Why did you tell aunties anything and had secrets from me?' Belle asked, with tears in her eyes.

'I... I don't know. They... Aunties... They let me cry,' he said suddenly. 'Told me it's okay. I'm probably sounding like a five years old, but... They made me feel safe. And they never asked me to do something I wasn't able to do. And children... I could really do something for them, Belle. You...' he took deep breath, 'you didn't really need me. Or so I felt. But they did, a little bit. I realized it during the phone call, you know, when I called them from Emma's home, and again when they came to me to hospital, all of them. No one needed me like that since Neal was a little boy.'

'Robert, of course I needed you. Of course I did. Didn't you know?'

'I didn't,' he admitted. 'You were always strong. Much stronger than I. I didn't know what could I do for you.'

Belle just sniffled again. How did it happen that they didn't know so much about each other?

'I... I liked it,' he admitted quietly. 'I liked it that you were so... sure of herself. Had answers to things. Saw the right way of doing everything.' He lowered his eyes, shyly. 'I imagined that having a mother feels like that.'

'Oh, Robert...' she held him closer. 'I wish you told me. Just as I should have told you what I'm afraid of, and also how much you were doing for me. How much you are wonderful, kind, loving husband. I wish we had talked about what we're both afraid of and spoke up when the other did something wrong instead of keeping that illusion of life being sweet and careless. I wouldn't keep telling you to not be so sad about Neal. I hate to think how left alone you've felt with your grief.'

'And I would tell you more about my years with Regina and what they meant to me. I don't know if I had had the strength for that but I wish I had.'

'I'm sorry for all these things I might have done differently and save us some pain, Robert... And for your hand. And leg.'

'I did it myself, Belle,' he whispered ashamed. 'But I didn't want to force you back, I swear. I just... If I were to have any chance of winning you back, I felt that I need to show you that I'm serious about not being a criminal. I injured my leg to make myself useless to Regina.'

Belle felt tears in her eyes. No, her Robert wasn't dominating, egocentric man, who would want a silent, despondent wife. Her Robert was in fact much more vulnerable than she was.

'I'm sorry, sweetheart,' she whispered, kissing his temple gently. 'I'm very sorry.'

'It's not your fault,' he answered automatically. She smiled at her silly husband.

'It's the fault of those evil people, Zelena and Hades, obviously. I know that we both were doing what we thought best at the moment. But there were things, that could have been done better. Now that I've learned that, I intend to improve. I've learned many things.'

He smiled at her, beautifully, unguardedly.

'Me too. I like what you've said. I want to have more faith in you instead hiding terrified all the time. I want to take the risk and be more open. Now I will.'

'Yes,' Belle said lightly. 'Now that we got it all in the open we might rebuild what we had. It would be different this time, but it have a great chance to be better.'

'You really would want that?' he asked, eyes shining with awe and hope, and joy.

'I do. Now, let's get some rest? It's far too late for me to go back to my flat, but maybe you could share your space with me?'

'As in...?'

'As in your bed, though I just want to hold you and sleep peacefully today. Is that fine? Is your bed wide enough?'

'Aye, it is. Let's go.'

* * *

Spring was coming to Boston and Gold was taking off the covers he made for rose bushes the day Tink came for him. Belle stepped out of the house, smiling, with Penny, the new little girl in auntie's home. Gold smiled at them. Soon he would be able to give Belle, and all the other women in his home, a handful of roses.

THE END


End file.
